Aoi
by Random1377
Summary: Without Shinji Ikari, life in Tokyo3... goes on.  Relationships develop... love and hate wax and wane... and the angels continue to arrive.  M for language and violence. Complete.
1. Predator's Eyes

Disclaimer: Studio Gainax animation owns all rights to Neon Genesis Evangelion… I do not. Should Gainax, or anyone affiliated with them, request it, this story will be removed from the Web.

Aoi

Part 1

Predator's Eyes

By Random1377

"Approaching absolute-borderline," Maya Ibuki said, her voice sure and calm, "all boards are green."

Misato Katsuragi sighed, "It worked fine for Rei," she said, "why is this test necessary?"

Ritsuko Akagi looked up from the monitor she had been observing. "The cross-sync test is necessary because we need to find out if Unit 01 AND Unit 00 are compatible. So far, Rei synced fine with Unit 01… but that doesn't mean 00 is going to just sit there and-"

As if on cue, an alarm began wailing. "Error in the third stage!" Maya called out, "Pulses are flowing backwards… Unit 00 is out of control!"

"Cut the power!" Ritsuko said quickly, "Sever the connections."

The power supply jettisoned from the back of the blue mecha. "Power supply is away," Maya reported, "but I can't cut the connections! Unit 00 is refusing the signal! DAMNIT! I've just lost the camera feed to the cockpit - I can't see Shinji anymore!!"

Misato's eyes widened as Unit 00 clutched its head, shaking it from side to side, then lurched forward and slammed its fist into the thick glass separating them from it.

"Get back!!" Ritsuko called out.

If Rei Ayanami heard her, she made no indication. She simply stood still, shards of breaking glass flying all around her, and watched as the giant biomechanical beast tried to get to them. -To me…- she thought, her eyes narrowing ever so slightly, - it is trying to get to me…-

Abruptly, the blue mecha froze, its single eye locking onto the First Child… and it slumped forward.

"Unit 00 has gone silent…" Maya announced, her voice shaking.

"Shinji!" Misato said quickly, standing up from where she had been crouched behind one of the terminals, "How is he??"

"I'm fine… Misato…" Shinji Ikari's voice came over the speakers, "just a little shaken up…"

"Oh thank God…" Misato breathed. She and Ritsuko hurried to the emergency hatch to get Shinji out, ignoring the demands of Asuka Langley Souryu, the Second Child, for someone to tell her what the hell was going on… and never even noticing the uncharacteristic frown on Rei's face.

"Something is… wrong…" Rei whispered to herself, her red eyes still focussed on Unit 00's single one.

She would not find out exactly what until it was far too late… but she was the only person in that room that had even a vague inkling of the horror that was about to unfold…

**

Steel-blue eyes fluttered open, finding an unfamiliar ceiling awaiting the child's return to consciousness.

"You're up," a soft, feminine voice said from his right.

The boy turned his head, "Why am I here…" he paused over her name - just the barest of hesitations, "Misato? I said I was fine."

"You know it's standard procedure," the purple-haired woman replied, "but you can come home now, I think everything's fine."

-Oh, better than fine,- the boy thought, repressing a smile, -MUCH better…- "Will… Asuka be there?" again, there was a slight pause. Something Misato should have picked up on - and might have, had she not been so tired from staying at his bedside all night.

"No," she replied, "Asuka's on duty tonight, but-" she stopped as the door slid open, turning her head… and missing the small snarl that flashed over the boy's features.

Rei stood in the doorway, uncharacteristically hesitant.

"Come in, Rei," Misato said encouragingly, "I was just about to tell Shinji that you were here."

"No…" the blue-haired girl replied, staring into the boy's eyes, "I was only going to stop by for a moment to make sure he was ok."

"Yup," the boy said quickly, "just fine. Guess you have to be going then, bye bye."

Misato blinked, looking from one to the other. She opened her mouth to ask if she was missing something, but Rei replied before she could speak. "Yes… I should."

Without another word, Rei turned and left the room, stealing one final look at the boy's eyes… his dark, predatory eyes…

**

((_Ring_)) ((_Ring_))

((_Click_))

"Yes?"

"Commander?"

"Yes."

"Umm… it's probably nothing, but there's a very slight irregularity in Shinji's brainwave reading from after the accident."

"You called me at home for this?

"Well, I… thought you would want to know. Shouldn't I check it out?"

"Don't be stupid, Doctor… of course you should check it out. Is it something that must be done now? It is late, and I want to be there for the test."

"Umm… no, I think it can wait until morn-"

"Very well, schedule it for first thing. Goodbye."

((_CLICK_))

"I… ok…"

**

Misato paused as she came into the kitchen, staring at the boy's profile.

"Shinji…" she began hesitantly, "are you… really ok?"

He tuned from the vegetables he was chopping, "Of course… why do you ask?"

"I…" she sighed, crossing the room and pulling a beer out of the fridge, "I don't know… you just seem… more relaxed… more easygoing…" she shrugged.

"Oh," he said, smiling, "I'm just fine…" he turned to face her and started walking towards her. "Actually," he said softly, "I'm worried about you… Misato…"

"Me?" she said, blinking, "What do you mean? Why?" Her eyes widened as her reached out to touch her cheek.

"Because I know you…" he said softly.

"I… what?" she stammered, entirely confused.

"I know you're lonely," the boy said quietly, stepping closer still, "let me hold you… let me take away your loneliness…"

Misato's eyes were wide, "Shinji… you… you shouldn't…"

He smiled, his face inching closer to hers, "Let me be the one to make love to you…"

"Shin-" Misato's protest was cut short as he slipped a hand around her waist and pulled her lips to his.

The beer slipped from her fingers as shock overwhelmed her senses. -He's kissing me!!- she thought frantically, -What is he thinking?!-

She put her hands on his chest and pushed, trying to break away. "Shinji," she gasped, trying to form a complete sentence as he kissed her over and over again, refusing to stop, "I don't… I don't want this…"

"You know something Misato?" he said idly, "I REALLY don't give a fuck!" He laughed as her eyes almost came out of their sockets, his smile becoming hard and cruel, "You'll do what I tell you…"

A gasp escaped her as she felt cold steel slide up the front of her shirt. -The knife…- she thought, suddenly terrified, -he's still got the knife!- "Shinji," she said, licking her lips and pressing herself up against the wall, "please don't do th-"

"You keep calling me that…" the boy said, pressing the tip of the knife against her chest, right between two of her ribs, "that's not my name."

"Oh God…" Misato moaned, feeling the tip dig into her skin, -He's going to kill me,- she thought desperately, -no matter what I do, he's going to kill me!- She thought of all the different escape methods she had learned in training… and discarded them one by one. There was no move that she knew of that would stop a seven-inch steak knife from slipping into you if it was already positioned.

"Now then…" the boy said softly, "take off your shirt."

"I knew that I smelled your foulness in the hospital…" a third voice said softly, causing both the boy's and Misato's heads to snap towards the door.

Rei stood just inside the apartment, a nine-millimeter pistol held firmly in her small hands. "Release her…" she said firmly.

The boy snarled, "You…"

Misato yelped in pain as the knife sank a bit deeper into her flesh… a small rivulet of blood running down her stomach.

"I shall not be denied, First," the boy spat, narrowing his eyes, "and you know you may not kill me… or you kill him." He smiled suddenly, "And you care for him, do you not?"

"Who… WHAT are you…" Misato breathed, wincing in pain as every breath reminded her of the quick death that was seconds away.

"Shut up," the boy ordered, never taking his eyes off of the blue-haired pilot.

"I do," Rei whispered, thumbing the hammer back and bracing her feet, "but you are not him… and you must not be allowed to go free."

"You wouldn't…" he replied, smiling confidently, "now say goodbye to this one!"

Misato screamed as the knife began thrusting into her.

So loud was her scream, and so bright was her pain, that she hardly even heard the roar as the nine millimeter went off. Firing once, then again… and again… and again…

**

"So will she live?" Asuka asked, staring at the space between her feet as she sat on the bench outside the operating room.

"Yeah…" Kaji Ryouji replied, glancing sideways at her, "Ritsuko said another two inches and the knife would have gotten to her heart. Rei sav-"

"Don't you DARE!" Asuka screamed, jumping to her feet and rounding on the surprised man, "Don't you dare say she saved ANYONE! Not after…" her face collapsed, but she tried to maintain her rage, "after what she… did to… to…" she cracked. It was too much for her to take.

Kaji caught the redheaded pilot as her eyes rolled up into her head and her legs buckled out from under her - the stress of the situation overcoming her. "She did what she had to do…" he whispered to the now unconscious girl, cradling her in his arms, "and if it had been me…" he added softly, "the knife wouldn't have even gotten that far."

**

In the Evangelion cages, the blue mecha designated 00 sat inert, waiting patiently for the day when it would be needed again.

Continued…

Author's notes: I've had this idea kicking around in my head for a while now, and I finally just sat down and wrote it. Initially, it was to be a one-shot, culminating in Shinji getting his body restored, and the… other being forced back into Unit 00 - then I realized all the potential ways I could continue it… and Shinji's body had to go. ;) I've got at least two more chapters planned, possibly more, depending on whether or not this one is well received. So if you like it, let me know. The future of this fic in your hands! (but, uh… no pressure… heheh)

Thanks to Ryoma for a fine pre-read, damn good job, my man! (incidentally… I hear that he will sell no whine before it's time…)

Also thanks to 20Eva for pre-reading and catching a couple more mistakes (damn… I kinda suck…)

Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com


	2. Cry to Heaven

Disclaimer: see part 1.

Aoi

Part 2

Cry to Heaven

By Random1377

"You're kidding me with this, right?" Touji Suzuhara was still dressed in a black suit and tie, and was most unamused with what the blonde in front of him was saying.

"Not even remotely," Ritsuko said coolly, "I'm dead serious."

"Poor choice of words…" the boy replied softly, visions of the funeral (less than three hours over) still fresh in his mind.

She sighed, "Look, I'm sorry," she began, rubbing the bridge of her nose, "he was a good person, and didn't deserve this… but I have to be concerned with the big picture right now, you know what I mean? There's a whole _species_ relying on it."

Touji just stared at her for a moment, then closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I have… a sister…" he began slowly, "she was injured in the first angel fight." He opened his eyes and met hers steadily, "I want her moved to a better hospital."

"Done," Ritsuko said without hesitation, "she'll have the best care available." She folded her hands and placed them on the desk in front of her, staring at them intently. "So I can count on you, then?"

He stared at the floor, remembering his first ride in Unit 01… and Shinji's wretched sobs after the angel had been beaten. It was the first time he had seen the boy as something other than, 'The jerk who hurt my sister.'

It had been the beginning of one of the best friendships he had ever had.

"Touji," Ritsuko said quietly, breaking his reverie, "you cannot imagine how important you are right now. An angel could attack any time, and as it stands Unit 01 is not usable. Of course we still have Rei and Asuka, and Units 02 and… 00," she paused, still not certain if 00 was operable, then pressed on, "but I don't want to take a chance on them not being enough. Do you?"

He shook his head slowly, "No…" he conceded, "of course not." He stood, turning away from her, "Alright… I'll do it."

She let out a faint, shuddering sigh of relief. Then stood also. "I'm glad to hear it," she said, producing a card from her pocket, "here's a temporary ID badge, just until we can get a permanent one. Report to NERV HQ tonight at five for a preliminary sync test and security debri-"

"Tomorrow…" he cut her off softly, "give me until tomorrow… ok?" he sighed, "Don't we owe him at least that much? Just one day to remember him?"

"We'll never forget him," Ritsuko replied just as softly, "but don't we owe it to him NOT to let up? To make sure that we're ready to defend the people that he cared for?" She paused for effect, "Isn't that what _you_ would want?"

He clenched his eyes shut, biting back his initial reaction – involving the words 'cold', 'manipulative', and 'bitch' – and nodded. "Five o'clock," he said stiffly.

She said nothing as he walked from the room. –He'll never be _my_ friend,- she thought, shaking her head.

She sighed and gathered her papers, then headed for her car… dreading her next task more than anything she had ever had to do.

**

Asuka lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling. –He's not dead,- she thought, rejecting the notion, -no way! There is just no way that that… that DOLL killed him!-

But no matter how her mind attacked it, the fact remained that Shinji was gone… and that Rei was the one who shot him. "That bitch!" she whispered, her voice shaking, "That little fucking _BITCH_! How could she… how _could_ she?!?!"

She got off of her bed abruptly, pacing around her room. Her hands clenched and unclenched at her sides, unconsciously mimicking her late roommate. That Shinji's body was possessed by something else didn't matter to her… all that mattered was that he was gone – and that Rei had taken him.

"Not that I care," she whispered to herself, still wandering aimlessly around her room, "he was just an idiot anyway…"

She had refused to go to the funeral – flat out. 'No way!' she had told Misato when she called from the hospital, 'I am _not_ going to that dork's funeral… not a chance!'

She jumped as the doorbell rang. Taking a deep breath to calm herself, she went to the front door. She blinked in surprise as she found Ritsuko there, still dressed in a somber black blouse and skirt combination.

"Asuka…" the blonde said, nodding slightly, "I… need to speak with you."

"What?" Asuka replied flatly, "If it's about Shinji, or my psyche report, I don't want to-"

"It is," Ritsuko cut her off, "and if you think for one minute that I _want _to be here telling you this, you're sorely mistaken." She sighed, "This is supposed to be Misato's duty, since she's your guardian – and his… but since she's still recovering…"

"What?" Asuka repeated, wishing only that the woman would leave. She did _not_ want to be reminded of the Third Child – in any way. –I'm glad he's gone,- she thought angrily, -good riddance…- yet even the thought rang hollow.

"When the tenth angel attacked," Ritsuko said slowly, "Misato told you all to make a will." She paused, pulling out a small envelope. "At the time, you all refused, citing various reasons. Well, later, Shinji _did_ submit one… and in it, it stipulated that you were to receive this letter."

Asuka stared at the envelope as if it was poisonous. "I don't want it…" she whispered, suddenly terrified.

Ritsuko said nothing; she simply stood still, holding the letter out to the redhead.

Asuka looked up at the doctor, her bottom lip trembling, "Why?" she whispered, swallowing hard, "Why did this happen?"

"I don't know, Asuka… the world doesn't make too much sense to me right now…" the blonde replied, gently taking the girl's hand and pressing the letter into it, "but I know that he wanted you to have this. What you do with it is up to you – lord knows I won't _make_ you read it… but if it was me, I would want to know what it was that he couldn't tell me until he was gone."

Asuka looked at the letter for a moment, then asked softly, "What about the rest of his things… will they be trashed, or what?" The thought made her inexplicably ill.

Ritsuko shook her head, "His will said that all of his personal belongings were now Misato's, and that she had full control over what happened to them. Except for this letter and his SDAT player."

Asuka blinked, "His SDAT player?" she echoed, "Who did he give that to?"

Ritsuko looked at her watch, hiding the look of discomfort that passed over her features. "I have to get back to NERV," she said calmly, "you are off duty tonight, so just rest. Because tomorrow you have a full shift." Before the redhead could reply, she turned and walked away.

Asuka closed the door and sat down at the kitchen table. She guessed who the tape player had gone too, and fought the surge of anger that encouraged her to shred the letter and burn it.

Taking a deep breath, she whispered, "Ok, idiot… what was so important that you had to die to tell me?" She tore open the letter before she could think about it too much, and began reading.

Before she was finished, the apartment was filled with her anguished sobs…

**

"Ready to go?" Ritsuko's voice came to Touji as he sat in the locker room, staring at the blue and gray plugsuit that had been issued to him… and the 01 stenciled on the chest.

"Not quite," he called back, finally pulling the suit on, "give me two more minutes."

"Whenever you're ready," she called.

"Never, then?" he said, feeling vaguely ill as he pushed the button on the wrist of the suit to pressurize it. He sighed as he only got silence as a response. Slowly he walked to the door and opened it. "How do I look?" he asked the blonde.

Her voice was an odd mixture of pride and sorrow as she looked him up and down and replied, "Like a pilot…"

Before he could reply, she led him to the test room… where Unit 01 stood waiting.

"Normally," she said, leading him to the plug entry, "we would do this with a test plug… but this situation is not normal… and we need you ready as soon as possible, do you understand?" He nodded, and she gestured to the open plug.

As he sat down, looking over the cockpit, Maya Ibuki entered the room. "Sempai," she said, offering Ritsuko a clipboard, "here are the final results of the system tests." She noticed Touji looking at her curiously, "Hi," she said, smiling at him and extending her hand, "you must be Touji. I'm Maya Ibuki, it's nice to meet you."

Touji took her hand, smiling broadly. "Miss Ibuki," he said, bringing her hand up to his lips, "the pleasure is all mine." Ritsuko and Maya wore identical looks of shock as Touji kissed Maya's hand, "Shinji told me about you… but he never said you were so pretty…"

"Th-thank you…" Maya stammered, blushing furiously.

"Any time," Touji replied, allowing her to reclaim her hand, "any time at all…"

Maya excused herself and hurried to the command room.

"Mind telling me what that was about?" Ritsuko said, folding her arms over her chest and frowning slightly.

Touji waited unit the brown-haired tech was out of earshot before smiling and confessing, "Shinji really _did_ tell me about her, Doctor Akagi… and he _did_ tell me how pretty she was." Seeing the blonde's frown deepen, he flushed and hurried on, "He also told me that she seemed like she had really low self esteem… and that he was sure she didn't ever get compliments… and…" he trailed off, feeling like an idiot.

"So you felt it was your duty to make her feel better about herself, is that it?" Ritsuko said, "You, a fourteen year-old with no real-life experience."

"S-something like that…" Touji stammered, cursing himself for being so impulsive. "I… sorry… I'll apologize to her after the test."

Oddly, Ritsuko waved a hand. "Don't," she said flatly, "you're right, she _does_ need it – though I would appreciate it if you would wait for more appropriate times. Five minutes before a crucial test is not the time I need my best tech to be flustered… understood?"

Touji nodded, closing his mouth (which had dropped open as the woman spoke) and saying, "I… of course… I understand completely."

"Good," Ritsuko said, turning from the plug and heading towards the command room. "Oh," she said, turning back to face him, "and it is to remain comments or casual contact only. Pat her on the shoulder, kiss her hand – hell, tickle her for all I care…" her eyes narrowed, "but it goes no further. I won't have a technician and a pilot in a physical relationship – is that clear?"

Touji was beet-red at the very thought. "I… no, I would never…" he took a deep breath, "clear… ma'am."

Ritsuko nodded and went into the command room, taking her place behind Maya. "Insert plug," she said calmly, pushing the conversation from her mind, "begin sync test."

Touji closed his eyes, forcing himself to inhale the amber liquid as it filled the plug. –Here goes…- he thought.

"Initiate first stage connection," Ritsuko said, forcing herself to breathe evenly.

Touji opened his eyes, and gasped in wonder as the sides of the entry plug went from slate gray to multi-colored as the Unit prepared for link-up.

"Second stage…" Ritsuko said tensely, watching the monitors for anything unusual.

Touji felt as if his limbs were getting heavier. –It's starting…- he thought, his heart racing, -one more stage…-

"Approaching absolute-borderline, all boards normal." Maya reported, "fifteen seconds until third stage."

As the countdown reached zero, Touji's mind was filled with blinding pain.

"Feedback!" Maya called out, "Unit 01 is rejecting the pilot…"

"Prepare to abort," Ritsuko said with a sigh, "it's not going to-"

"No!" Touji gasped, cutting her off, "Give me… one more minute…"

Maya's hand hovered over the abort button, waiting for a verdict from Ritsuko.

"How's his psycho-graph?" the blonde asked, a thoughtful look on her face as she clicked into scientist mode. –Never tested the threshold of a pilot,- she thought clinically, -might be interesting.-

"Umm," Maya checked the readout, "he's hurting… but he's not in danger, yet."

"You have your minute," Ritsuko said, "Maya… record ALL results… even the ones that look insignificant…" –If he cracks, I want to know exactly when… and why…-

-Come on, you stupid monster…- Touji thought, resisting the pain, -work!-

Thirty tense seconds passed… then Maya called, "Pulse feedback is increasing! Unit 01 is… it's trying to kill him!!"

Touji's scream confirmed this report, resounding through the control room.

"He's got twenty seconds," Ritsuko replied.

"SEMPAI!" Maya gasped.

Ritsuko ignored her underling and watched the readouts. –Fascinating!!- she thought, -Just fascinating… he's trying to fight it…-

Touji felt like his head might explode. "Come _on_!" he moaned, "Work for me…" –Hurts…- he thought, his heart palpitating, -but he wouldn't give up… he never gave up…- His mind flashed inexplicably back to the funeral… and the calm, restful face of his friend.

"GREEN!" Maya called out, "I've got green! Sync ratio at twenty-three percent and holding!"

Touji gasped as the pain abruptly vanished, slumping back in the seat and drawing deep breaths of LCL… trying not to sob.

"Touji," Ritsuko's voice came to him, "what's the last thing you thought before it synchronized?"

"I…" he gasped, shaking all over, "Shinji… I was thinking about Shinji…"

The blonde nodded, looking satisfied. "Proceed with standard sync test," she said coolly, making a note in her handheld computer.

"Standard?" Maya echoed, looking up at her superior.

"Yes," Ritsuko confirmed, "we won't have any more trouble."

Before her understudy could reply, the blonde turned and strode from the room. –No,- she thought, -now that she knows… I don't think we'll have any more trouble from her…-

**

((_Ring_))

((_Click_))

"Ikari."

"It's me. 01 is good to go… but…"

"Yes, doctor?"

"I… have reservations about the test on 00."

"Noted."

"I was also wondering… if maybe… ummm…"

"What?"

"There is another, ummm… meeting. I was wondering, that is… if you might have… time. I…"

"Nine-thirty… leave the door unlocked."

((_Click_))

"I… ok…"

**

Rei sat in the entry plug, waiting patiently. She did not fear the test, as she very rarely feared anything… but she was curious.

"Rei," Ritsuko's voice came to her, "we'll be ready to go in five."

"Yes," she replied calmly.

She looked at the tense faces through the monitor. Ritsuko and Maya were checking the systems one final time, and Misato was sitting off to one side, grimacing in pain as she shifted in her wheelchair.

Honestly, the blue-haired girl was very interested in the fact that the Major was there at all. The knife wound had been deep – and there had been much blood – but she knew that the woman had had a special kinship with Ikari, so she was not entirely surprised, just… fascinated.

"We're ready," Maya's voice came to her, pulling her from her thoughts.

The test began as normal, and Rei braced herself as they approached the absolute borderline. Always before, it was a roller coaster ride when the connection was made… and… _it_ tried to enter her. She had almost lost to it, once… and _it_ had ultimately ejected the plug, resulting in her injuries.

She had tried to tell Doctor Akagi… but the woman had ignored her – and written the incident up as 'mental instability' on her part.

Had she been more emotional, she might have laughed at the concept.

-Maybe,- she thought, -had she taken me more seriously… Ikari would—

Her thought process was interrupted as the third stage connection was made… and instead of cold and rejection, a feeling of calm peace swept through her. So profound was the unexpected rush of soothing heat that she gasped involuntarily.

"Rei?" Ritsuko said concernedly, "Are you alright? Rei??"

"He is… here…" the First Child's soft, slightly wondering voice came back, "he is… all around me…" she said, "and… within me…"

"What are you talking about?" Misato leaned forward, suddenly intense, "Is it Shinji? Can you talk to him?

There was a brief pause. "No," Rei replied, "but I can feel him. He is…" there was another pause, "I do not know how to explain it… but I will try."

"Take your time," Ritsuko said softly, "we're not in a hurry…"

They all waited tensely as Rei gathered herself, then spoke in a low, thoughtful voice. "It is him… but it is not him. It is like when I was in Unit 01… that… impression of him – but stronger." She took a breath, exhaling it very slowly. "I… do not think he knows… himself," she said softly, "I feel him… but not him."

There was another, longer pause, and Misato prompted her gently, "What do you mean by that, Rei?"

"Ikari is gone…" Rei replied, her voice sounding incredibly flat, "only EVA remains…"

Ritsuko shivered. "Any abnormalities?" she whispered to Maya, "Anything at ALL out of the ordinary?"

The brown-haired tech looked up at her, eyes wide, "Ummm… not… not exactly," she said.

Ritsuko leaned down as Maya pointed to her screen. "My God…" she whispered.

**

Hikari Horaki paced back and forth outside the Suzuhara residence. "What am I doing?" she whispered to herself.

It was late – nearly ten-thirty – and the impropriety of even _being_ at a boy's house, let alone at that hour, made her feel slightly faint.

And that was not taking into account _why_ she was there.

-It's not wrong…- she thought, pausing to look up at the house with a frown.

"Class Rep?" Touji's voice nearly made her jump out of her skin.

"Suzuhara!" she said, turning and putting a hand over her racing heart, "Don't DO that! You nearly gave me a heart-attack!"

"Sorry…" he said tiredly, "didn't mean to." He took a moment to get a better look at her. She had changed out of the black dress she had worn to the funeral and was now wearing pain blue jeans and a simple long-sleeve shirt. "What did you need?" he inquired, reaching into his pocket for his keys, "I'm… kinda wiped out."

"I… need to talk to you, Touji…" she said, deliberately using his first name.

This detail did not escape him, and his eyes widened, as she had never called him anything but Suzuhara (or, if she was with Asuka, 'idiot').

Blushing at his look of shock, she pressed forward, determined to say what was on her mind. "I… don't know if you've noticed, but I… I like you, Touji…"

His jaw dropped open. He had not, in fact, known this… and it hit him like a bucket of icewater – the crush itself and her boldness in stating it so plainly. "I… why are you telling me now?" he wondered (tact had never been his strong suit).

Hikari took a deep breath… and a step closer to him. "Because of Shinji…" she admitted quietly, "it got me thinking."

He nodded. "Yeah," he said softly, looking at the ground, "me too…"

She took another step. "I started thinking… what if it had been you? What if an angel attacked and you were crushed… or what if you got hit by a car… or what if you slipped on a banana peel and broke your neck." She reached out, touching his cheek with a trembling hand, "I just kept thinking, 'What if he was gone… and I didn't ever tell him how I felt?' and I couldn't bear it."

He looked up at her, meeting her eyes steadily as she went on. "I just needed you to know… even if you don't feel the same, I couldn't stand the idea of not telling you. I wanted to tell you after the funeral, but that NERV woman took you and I-"

"Hikari," he cut her off gently, "stop for a minute…"

She broke off, her breath catching in her throat, -Oh God…- she thought, -he doesn't like me… I'm so stupid!-

He sighed, laying her fears to rest by putting his hand over hers… and making them far worse than she ever imagined by whispering, "She took me away to tell me I'm the Fourth." He looked into her eyes, thinking sadly that she would surely leave now, "I'm the Fourth Child, Hikari… I'm Shinji's replacement…"

Her eyes tripled in size as the reality of the situation hit her. "No…" she whispered.

He nodded, "Yeah… I just got back from my first sync test."

She closed her eyes, realizing that she could smell something odd on his clothes… the same, faintly coppery scent she had subconsciously associated with Rei, Shinji, and Asuka.

His heart broke as she began trembling. "I'm sorry…" he said softly, "sorry that I was chosen… sorry that I didn't ever tell you that I like you too…" her eyes opened as he sighed regretfully, "sorry I won't ever get to go out with you now because it would be too hard to-"

He never got to finish as Hikari leaned forward, putting her other hand on his other cheek and pulling his lips to hers, kissing him desperately.

He stared at her in mute shock as she pulled away, tears spilling down her cheeks. "Be mine," she said simply, "I don't care if you're a pilot… I don't care if we all die tomorrow… as long as you're mine."

Dumbfounded, he nodded… totally at a loss for words.

She leaned up against him. "Hold me…" she said brokenly, "I'm so cold… I'm so scared… please hold me, Touji… please?"  


Slowly, he brought his arms up and wrapped them around her as she began to cry… holding her close to him and wondering why it had taken the death of a friend to bring them together.

**

"It was… nice," Rei said softly, looking up at the giant blue robot, "to feel you."

The sync test had been over for six hours, but she had remained in the EVA cages, waiting patiently until everyone had gone… ignoring the odd looks and whispered comments until she was finally left alone.

Even then it had taken her an entire hour to finally speak aloud. "Doctor Akagi tells me that my sync ratio has gone from forty-three percent to sixty-eight." She studied the machine, wondering if perhaps she _was_ unstable, then pressed forward, "They are sure that it is due to you being within."

She paused, wondering if he could hear her at all. "It is… odd…" she said thoughtfully, "my whole life has been to serve EVA, but now that I am better able to do it… it does not hold meaning." She looked down at her feet, "I told you once that I do not know what to do or feel at times when emotion is strong… do you recall what you told me?"

The EVA made no reply.

"You said, 'Why don't you try smiling?'" she said after a moment, looking up to the blue mecha again, "But I do not think that would be appropriate for what I am feeling now… though I would… for you."

-I will see you again,- she thought, letting a comfortable silence descend, -truly _see_ you again… not just feel your pale shadow from within EVA. Someday…"

Suddenly she felt an arm slide around her throat… and cold metal press against her temple.

"Don't you move…" a trembling voice whispered into her ear, "not even a fucking inch…"

"Pilot Souryu…" Rei said softly, never looking away from the blue mecha. –Is it time?- she thought, -Perhaps I will get to see you sooner than I thought…-

"You took him…" Asuka whispered hoarsely, "you took him away from me…"

Rei blinked, "From you?" she repeated, "I do not understand… you did not ever exhibit any kindness toward Ikar-"

"SHUT UP!!" Asuka screamed, tightening her hold, "What do you know? _WHAT_??" Rei could feel the other girl's body shaking as she continued, "He was supposed to be with me… with ME! Do you understand?" Her voice cracked, but she went on, forcing the words out, "Now who's going to compete with me? Who's going to walk to school with me? And talk to me?"

Something warm splashed onto Rei's neck and Asuka's voice dropped so low she could barely hear it. "Who's going to smile at me now? Who? Who's going to be there when I get home?" Her voice almost disappeared as she whispered, "Who's going to dance with me?"

Rei assumed that the redhead was referring to the battle with the seventh angel… but did not understand its bearing on this matter.

She stumbled, falling to the ground as Asuka pushed her away and threw her head back, loosing a cry to the heavens, "WHY? God, tell me why you took him away before I knew what he meant to me… _WHY_!?!?!"

Rei watched in silence as the Second Child fell to her knees, the gun that had been pressed up against her head slipping to the ground, and wept like a lost child.

Slowly, the blue-haired girl rose and walked towards the exit. She stopped with her hand on the knob as Asuka spoke.

"I _will_ kill you…" the redhead whispered, her voice completely devoid of emotion, "some day… when this is all over… I'm going to take from you all that you took from me… remember that, First…"

Rei turned to face her, searching her crystalline eyes for any trace of mercy or falsehood. Finding neither, she nodded. "I will not forget," she replied levelly, "and when that day has come, I will not fight… for you are correct – I did take something valuable." She shook her head, "But I did not take it from you alone, Pilot Souryu… I took it from everyone. I took it from Major Katsuragi… who now weeps every time she thinks no one is looking. I took it from Commander Ikari… who stares at Unit 00 as if hoping it will offer him absolution. I took it from the entire bridge crew… who all look at Pilot Suzuhara with confusion when he gets out of Unit 01 – as if they expect someone else."

"But most of all…" she said softly, "I took it from myself. I surrendered a part of me that day, something I was not even aware of until it was gone and I felt its absence." She stared into Asuka's blue eyes, "When the day comes… I will welcome your wrath with open arms… for there are none so worthy of it as I."

In silence, Asuka watched her leave – desperately wanting to feel some iota of compassion or understanding for the girl in light of her pitiful confession… but still only feeling hate.

Above her, the single red eye of Unit 00 watched impassively as she put the gun to her head and pulled the trigger… the dull click of the hammer falling on the empty chamber echoing over… and over… and over…

Continued…

And now, two omakes – graciously supplied by Shinagami.

Enjoy

Omake 1

"It was.....nice" Rei said to the giant blue robot, "to feel you." She groped the side of the Eva again, not noticing the large sweatdrop forming on it's brow. The synch test had been over for hours, but she'd stayed there waiting until the techs had gotten the picture that she wanted to talk to her robot alone, ignoring the comments they made.

"What a freak...."

"I think she has a fetish with that thing..."

"Wow she's hot!"

It took her an entire hour to speak aloud, even then it was actually a small burp, but it was start. "Dr. Akagi says my synch ratio has gone from forty-three to sixty-eight percent." She pressed on, and once more ignored a stray tech tell her she was unstable. Very unstable...talking to a robot....sheesh....

"It is odd. My whole life consists of Eva, and now that I am the ultimate champion of big robots it holds no meaning." The robot rolled its large single eye. "So I'm gonna quit."

The Eva would have made a response, but it had no mouth.

"You said 'why don't you try smiling' And I think it's appropriate that I tell you to try sticking up for yourself."

-I don't think I'll ever see you again.- She thought, letting a deafening silence descend. -Oh well, I guess your pale shadow within the Eva will have to do." She patted the side of the monster mecha lovingly.

Suddenly she felt an arm slide around her throat… and cold metal press against her temple.

"I stand corrected, I may just see you after all....."

"Don't you move...not even a fucking inch..." Rei turned slightly to see a BB gun against her head.

The blue unit 00 watched on in slight amusement as Asuka yelled 'That was an inch!' and begin capping Rei over and over and over…

Omake 2

She stumbled, falling to the ground as Asuka pushed her away and threw her head back, loosing a cry to the heavens, "WHY? God, tell me why you took him away before I knew what he meant to me… WHY!?!?!"

From those heavens came a "Beats me." Asuka shrugged and continued her angst filled sobbing. 

Rei watched in silence as the Second Child fell to her knees, the gun that had been pressed up against her head slipping to the ground and wept. She wept so childishly it made Shinji feel a bit envious. 

Slowly, the blue-haired girl rose and walked towards the exit. She stopped with her hand on the knob as Asuka spoke. 

"I will kill you…" the redhead whispered, her voice completely devoid of emotion, even though she'd emphasized the 'will'. "some day… when this is all over… I'm going to take from you all that you took from me… my favorite A-10 connectors!"

"I told you that Shinji was responsible for that. I believe he put it in his 'Asuka Infatuation Box'.

Rei turned to face her, searching her crystalline eyes for any trace of crystals or the like. Finding neither, she shrugged. "When that day has come, I will not fight… for you are correct - I did take something valuable." She pulled free a diamond ring from her pocket, "But I did not take it from you alone, Pilot Souryu… I took it from everyone" She pulled a necklace from the pocket." I took it from Major Katsuragi… who searches frantically through her drawers when she needs to go out with Mr. Kaji." From the pocket came rose tinted glasses. "I took it from Commander Ikari… who now weeps every time he thinks no one is looking." Next were some various pieces of jewelry. "I took it from the entire bridge crew… who all look at Pilot Suzuhara with contempt - for they think he is a thief." 

"But most of all…" she said softly drawing out a picture of Shinji, "I took it from myself. I surrendered a part of me that day, something I was not even aware of until it was gone and I felt its absence." She stared into the picture, "When the day comes… I will welcome your wrath with open arms…or my Beretta ...for there are none so worthy of it as I, or you as the case may be." 

In silence, Asuka watched her leave - desperately wanting to feel some iota of compassion or understanding for the girl in light of her pitiful confession… but still only feeling hunger, after all, she hadn't eaten since the funeral. 

Above her, the single red eye of Unit 00 watched with slight bemusement as she put the gun to her head and pulled the trigger…the sound of BBs ricocheting off her head falling on the empty chamber echoing over… and over… and over…until it stopped.

"Ow...that hurts..."

Author's notes: Whew… that was hard to write. I tried to imagine what everyone's reaction would be to losing Shinji, and I _think_ I got it pretty close (hope so, anyway). On Touji hitting on Maya – what? You can't see it? She's pretty… he's a jock… it's only natural… ;)

Thanks to Ryoma for pre-reading. Hey, is it just me? Or do Rei and Unit 00 make a really cute couple? (yeah… probably just me…) And thanks to Shinagami for the omakes.

Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com


	3. Out of Sync

Disclaimer: see part 1.

Aoi

Part 3

Out of Sync

By Random1377

-This must be Heaven…- Hikari thought, closing her eyes and resting up against Touji's chest. 

They were sitting in the modest Horaki residence, currently empty save for the two of them, and had been making out rather heavily for about thirty minutes. She had broken away to catch her breath… and to gently push his hand back down from where it had slid halfway up her shirt.

She wasn't upset, per se, just a little flustered. She couldn't understand why he wanted to rush. –But it's still nice…- she thought, smiling faintly as he repositioned his hands to her lower back, -he's really gentle… and he always backs off when I ask…-

As for himself, Touji was entirely frustrated. –Damn,- he thought, -what is the big deal? It's not like I'm asking to sleep with her yet, what's wrong with a little touch?-

They had been going out for two weeks, every single day they met at either his father's apartment or her family's – which was also a point of frustration for him, as she refused to go anywhere public.

'What would people say?' she had argued, 'Just imagine the rumors!'

He had countered that he couldn't care less… but she had been firm. Finally, he let it go, deciding that it was better to kiss in private than not to kiss at all… but it still bothered him.

"Mmm…" she whispered, wrapping her arms around him, "what a good day…"

"Yeah," he said, staring over her shoulder at a poster on her wall, "good movie… good food… good you."

She smiled, -That's what Asuka could never see…- she thought happily, -he's so sweet…-

That things like this came naturally to Touji, and were generally insincere, would never have occurred to her – mostly because she, as most others did, assumed that he was dense. But to be able to gauge other's mood and choose the correct response without thinking was one of his greatest talents, even though he rarely used it (ironically, because he paused to actually think sometimes – killing his gut reaction). What others thought of him was not foremost among his concerns… and it never would have crossed his girlfriend's mind that the reason Asuka disliked him was that she could see that he didn't mean half the things he said.

However, he _did_ care for Hikari… and he _did_ enjoy all that they had done that afternoon, so he wasn't exactly lying.

'Withholding the full truth' would have been a better way to put it.

-Maybe tomorrow…- he thought with a mental sigh, wondering how long he would be stuck at first base.

"Is Asuka still mad?" Hikari inquired idly.

The Second Child had _not_ taken Touji's recruitment well. 'Incompetent,' 'loser,' and 'moron' were among some of the kinder words the redhead used to describe her feelings on the matter.

"Sorta…" Touji said thoughtfully, "I think she's still mad – especially about me being in Unit 01 – but at least she's stopped swearing _every_ time I come into the room."

Hikari laughed, not understanding that he was not kidding. "Well," she said, pulling back to look into his eyes, "she _does_ have a short temper…"

He smiled, "That she does…" he agreed, slowly pulling at the bottom of her shirt and leaning in to kiss her.

She closed her eyes and sighed, kissing him back… and gently pushing his hands back down at the same time.

-Worth a shot…- he thought with another mental sigh.

**

-God, I'm in Hell…- Asuka thought darkly as she pulled on her plugsuit.

She shot a glance at the blue-haired girl sharing the room with her, hoping that it might cause a spontaneous heart attack.

-No such luck,- she thought as the First Child pressurized her plugsuit. –Fucking freak…- her eyes narrowed as she recalled the last sync test. When it was over, Rei had whispered, 'Is there not another test? I do not feel that this was a complete set…'

Asuka slammed her locker and headed for the door, trying to push thoughts of the First out of her mind. She was still intensely angry with the other girl, and fully intended to fulfill her vow to kill her… but she was also the slightest bit curious – and jealous. She had heard that Rei could somehow 'feel' Shinji (or, what remained of him) when she was in sync with Unit 00.

And it pissed her off no end.

So angry was she that she wasn't paying attention to where she was walking, and ran smack into Touji as he exited the other locker room, sending them both to the floor in a tangle of arms and legs.

She looked up to find herself inches from his face. Their eyes locked… their breathing erratic and wild. Asuka's head inched closer, her lips parting slightly… "Watch where you're walking, _dork_!" she shouted into his face. "Just because you're Hikari's boyfriend doesn't mean _I_ have to like you!"

"Hey!" he said indignantly, "_You_ ran into _me_, devil girl! Maybe you should pay more attention!"

Asuka's scathing retort (involving the current count of Touji's brain cells) was cut short as Rei stepped out of the locker room and looked down at them. Coolly, the First Child stepped over them, commenting softly, "I was not aware that you were intimate with Pilot Souryu…" As she moved off towards the test room, she added, "congratulations… perhaps it will calm her to be engaged in a relationship."

Touji blinked, and looked at Asuka… shrinking back as he found her grinding her teeth together and glaring after the First Child. Cautiously, he slipped out from under her, "I'll… tell them you'll be a minute…" he said quietly, noting that her face was almost the same color as her suit.

She just nodded, unable to speak. –_Bitch_!!- her mind screamed as Touji hurried after the other girl.

Touji sighed in relief as they rounded a corner and headed for the sync-test room. He smiled, putting the encounter with Asuka behind him as he thought of the upcoming test – or rather, the ongoing game he had unexpectedly engaged Maya in.

-So cool…- he thought, stepping in front of Rei and opening the door, -she always looks so cute when she blushes…-

"Miss Ibuki," he said, winking at the technician as he stepped in, "you're looking lovely… as always…"

True to form, Maya turned red and stammered, "Th-thank you, Touji…" then surprised him by retorting, "you don't look so bad yourself."

Ritsuko stopped what she was doing and stared, as did Touji, nearly causing Rei to run into him.

Maya grinned and turned away, hiding the faint blush on her cheeks. –He really does…- she thought, sneaking another look at the boy.

Maya Ibuki had led a hard life. Second Impact had claimed nearly every member of her family, with the exception of a second cousin who she had lived with after the event. Her teen years had been full of cruel taunts, such as 'Super-Nerd,' 'boy-girl,' and the most devastating (to her, anyway) simply: 'A-cup.' Since she had chosen a computer field, and was rather good at it, she had been labeled a brainiac by her classmates… and was often picked on for that as well.

Now, here was a handsome young man, telling her on a daily basis that she _was_ pretty… that she _was_ desirable… and that he _was_ interested.

It was a powerful combination – one that she was ill equipped (and not really wanting) to fight.

Touji slowly smiled and continued walking to the test plug, thinking, -Damn… does she mean it?- Always before, she had just blushed and thanked him. He wondered if perhaps there was more to it than just an idle, offhand comment.

That night, it was not his girlfriend that he thought of as he drifted off to sleep.

**

((_ring_))

((_click_))

"Akagi."

"You have test results for me?"

"Commander! Yes… I… it's what we thought."

"Still rising, then? Does the Second know?"

"No… I… feel it would be unwise to tell her. I'm concerned that she's becoming… unstable. I think we should be watching her very clos-"

"Understood. Make sure Rei understands that she is not to mention these results to her or the Fourth. And Doctor…"

"Yes?"

"Next time, don't make me call you."

((_click_))

"I… ok…"

**

Mana Kirishima sighed and looked around the lunchroom. "Where is she?" she whispered to herself.

It was three weeks since she had been 'transferred' to Tokyo-3, and in that time she had only managed to get close to the girlfriend of one of the pilots.

-Would have been easy if the Ikari kid was still around,- she thought with a frown, -his profile was a perfect match for me… what fucked up timing…-

Her mission orders had been simple: befriend one of the pilots, then wait. It sounded so easy on paper

"Hikari!" she called out, finding the person she sought.

She smiled as the other girl waved her over, and started across the room. Her commander had warned against growing attached to any of these people… especially considering what was to happen after the angels had been dealt with. But she found that she rather liked Hikari… maybe even more than just liked.

"Mana!" Hikari said brightly, "Thought you were sick today?"

The other girl sighed. "Nah… I thought I had another headache coming on, but it went away…" -More like you couldn't get past security today, you mean,- her mind whispered.

It was a pathetic cover, but one that seemed effective. She claimed to have a rare, hard to pronounce syndrome that was characterized by sudden, blinding headaches – and she had been supplied with the papers to prove it.

"Great!" Hikari said, "Hey, are you busy later? I thought maybe we could go shopping… you wanna?"

"Sure!" Mana said, not really needing to fake the enthusiasm. She liked shopping… and in spite of her commander's instructions, she liked the girl she would be going with.

-Poor thing…- she thought pityingly, -if you only knew what was going to happen to your little boyfriend…- she smiled, thinking that perhaps she could find a way to be there to comfort the brown-haired girl when it was all over.

If Hikari knew what the other girl did, she most assuredly _would_ have been surprised… but she would have been more shocked to know that her friend was a spy.

The organization that sent her had done so in the hopes that she might get close to one of the Children, or (ideally) become intimate with one, and relay information on the EVAs and NERV operations. It was a tactic that most would have considered unsavory, especially considering the age of the players in this game… but even the most stubborn, moralistic tactician would conceded that you must know your enemy.

And if your enemy is a Child, who better to gather information on them than a child?

They had eaten their lunches, and were trying to figure out which stores to go to when the angel alarm sounded.

-Damn…- Mana thought as Hikari grabbed her arm and rushed towards the nearest shelter, -so much for seeing an angel battle up close…-

Before her mission was complete, she would get closer than she ever dreamed.

**

Rei sat on her bed, her knees drawn up to her chest.

In her hand was an SDAT player, its earbuds pressed firmly into her ears. A small note (wrinkled and obviously much-read) sat on her dresser, caught in a shaft of mid-afternoon sunlight.

Her red eyes were closed, and a perfectly blank expression graced her features. 

"Beautiful…" she whispered, opening her eyes and regarding the small digital tape device curiously. "This is what you listened too," she mused, "and you wanted to share it with me…"

She clicked a button on the small player, switching back to track 25 as soon as 26 had completed.

"Beautiful."

Her gaze happened upon the letter, and she frowned slightly. She had committed its contents to memory after the first reading, wanting to retain those few words as long as she could, but she still read it from time to time. It hadn't been so very long since Shinji had gone, but it somehow felt like forever.

And at the same time, it felt like it was yesterday.

She looked at her right hand, visualizing the smoking gun as it looked that day, trying to recall the sounds the Other made when the bullets took its life.

"It was right," she whispered. "I was right to do it – that… creature could not be allowed to go free."

Though what she was saying was true, it still felt wrong. She had still killed Shinji's body… she had still been the one holding the gun and pulling the trigger.

She was still the one the Second Child would kill.

That the redhead would kill her, she had no doubt. She had seen the honesty in the other girl's eyes, and she knew that she deserved whatever justice was meted out for what she had done. Justified or not, she would still pay.

With a small sigh, Rei clicked off the SDAT, setting it to the side and rising from her bed. "I will try," she said softly, setting the player on the note. "For you, I will try."

In silence, she crossed to the mirror on her wall… and smiled.

**

"Where's Rei?" Misato asked, holding her side as she strode purposefully onto the bridge, her back held straight.

"On her way," Maya replied, looking up from her terminal. "Her cell phone had a breakdown… she didn't know about the attack until the alarm sounded, but she's on her way."

"What about Asuka and Shi- Touji?"

Maya lowered her eyes, blushing as the operations director clenched her eyes closed. "Asuka is getting changed, and Touji is in his entry plug. He was on call, so he was the first-"

"Ok," Misato cut in, "I know how this works, Maya!"

"Sorry," the brown-haired woman murmured.

Misato rubbed her eyes. "What's the ETA for the angel to reach NERV? And why didn't our sensors pick it up??"

"Fifty minutes," Makoto answered, "and the Mount Fuji station never picked anything up. It's like it just appeared over the city."

The purple-haired woman looked at the floating, black and white ball on the main screen, frowning deeply at the readout marked 'Pattern Orange, no AT field detected.' "Once they're here," she said firmly, rubbing absently at her side. "Launch them." She ground her teeth. "Of course Commander Ikari is away again… damn bad timing!"

"Roger," came the reply.

Tensely, the bridge crew waited for the arrival of the other two pilots and the angel. "Sorry I snapped," Misato muttered finally, stepping closer to Maya's desk.

"It's ok," Maya answered, shrugging uncomfortably. "I shouldn't have told you how to do your job… it's not like you've been gone forever."

"Yeah," the purple-haired woman sighed. –You're right… at least I got to come back…-

"Snapping at your subordinates isn't going to bring him back," a soft voice to her right whispered. "Get a hold of yourself, Misato."

Misato tensed. "How long have you been there?" she asked, not turning to look at her friend.

"I was working on one of the computers," Ritsuko shrugged. "You just weren't paying attention." She shook her head, clicking her tongue twice as she added, "You really _are_ out of it."

"Shut up," Misato shot back.

"Yes ma'am," the blonde said sarcastically.

Nothing more was said as they waited.

**

Asuka leaned Unit 02 around the edge of the building it was situated behind, narrowing her eyes at the floating sphere in the sky. "'I'll show you how it _ought _to be done!'" she muttered, mimicking Touji's voice. "Fucking dick…"

They had been on the surface for less than ten minutes, and already Asuka was sick of the Fourth Child's attitude.

"Who does he think he is?" she growled, flexing her right hand into a fist. "And Wondergirl…" She grinned suddenly, "Maybe the angel will kill her, then I won't have to worry about it."

She tried to focus her attention on the angel, pushing the pleasing thoughts of the First Child's death from her mind. It would be amusing, she decided, for the blue-haired girl to meet her demise in combat… but it would not be as satisfying as doing it herself. Looking around for the other two EVAs, it occurred to her that Misato and Ritsuko at least knew that she disliked Rei – even if they didn't know just how MUCH – but she didn't care. They could know all they liked, but it wouldn't stop her from killing the girl.

"Are you two losers in place yet?" Asuka snapped.

"Not yet," was Rei's placid reply.

"Fuck you," was Touji's.

Asuka smiled. "What's the matter, stooge?" she asked sweetly, "Having trouble with your little unit?"

In the command room, Makoto coughed to cover a chuckle.

"Seems like Asuka's got some issues," Ritsuko observed.

"I'm gonna have to talk to her when she gets back," Misato grumbled, folding her arms and glaring at the monitor.

"Of course," Ritsuko mumbled, "you're an _ideal_ guardian…"

Misato shot her a withering glance. "Asuka," she called, "fire when ready. Rei and Touji are almost in position and will back you up as soon as possible."

As the redhead acknowledged, Ritsuko frowned. "That wasn't the original attack plan," she pointed out, "they were SUPPOSED to back each other up."

"You're Operations Director now?" Misato sniped.

"Misato," the blonde replied quietly, "I know you're still upset about Shin-"

"Shut. Up."

Wisely, Ritsuko complied.

**

"Let's do it…" Asuka whispered.

In its mammoth red hands, Evangelion Unit 02 was cradling an oversized pump-action shotgun. Though none of the Units had ever used it in combat, Asuka liked the way it felt in 'her' hands, and had been impressed with the projected damage potential and spread-pattern the weapon boasted.

In her mind, the angel was already dead.

With a short cry, she stepped out from behind the building and raised the shotgun, pumping a shell into the breach and bringing it to eye-level. "Die!" she screeched, pulling the trigger.

The kickback was immense and satisfying, actually causing Unit 02 to skid backwards in the street slightly… but Asuka's pleased smile collapsed as the sphere vanished, fading from sight the instant the pellets struck it.

"What the f-"

"Pattern blue detected!" Makoto's voice rang out, "It's directly under Unit 02!"

Asuka's eyes shot down.

"Son of a bitch!!" she cursed as the street beneath her Unit became jet-black… and began to consume her.

"Analyses!" Misato demanded as Unit 02 started slowly sinking into the shadow underneath it.

"Definitely an angel!" Maya replied, typing quickly on her keyboard, "But the MAGI are still calculating its capabil-"

"I don't give a fuck WHAT it can do!" Misato screamed, "Destroy it! Rei! Touji! Rescue Unit 02 NOW!"

"NO!"

All eyes shot to the screen.

"I don't NEED their help!" Asuka's voice continued.

Unit 02 chambered another shell, pointing it downward and pulling the trigger… then repeating the process three more times in rapid succession.

"FUCK!" the Second Child screamed. Her mind kicked into overdrive. –Can't lose,- she thought quickly, schematics, damage potentials, thresholds, and tactics screaming through her mind, "I WILL NOT LOSE!!"

She made her move.

"God…" Misato gasped.

It happened quickly. After five shells had been sent ineffectually into the angel's shadow, Unit 02 abruptly chambered another, wrapped its left hand around its umbilical cable… and fired, pointblank, at its own legs.

**

Touji's teeth clenched together as Asuka's scream echoed over the tac-net.

"The angel is moving again," Makoto announced a moment later, his voice shaking. "The… sphere is back, and its heading towards headquarters."

"What's Asuka's status?" Misato asked, swallowing as she looked up at the viewscreen.

Unit 02 was clearly visible, lying several hundred yards from where it had flown free of the angel's shadow. It seemed that when she pulled the trigger, Asuka had also activated her umbilical cable's emergency retract mode.

The street was spattered with purplish-red blood.

"I think she's unconscious," Ritsuko replied, her eyes staying fixed on the pilot readouts to avoid the carnage on the main screen. "Her sync ratio was seventy percent when she pulled the trigger."

Misato shivered.

"Orders?"

Rei's voice filled the command room as the camera shifted to a view of Unit 00. The blue machine was braced against a building, with a very large rifle trained on the floating sphere. Since she had not received permission to fire, she was unwilling to move until given clear direction.

She would not make any mistakes. She would not endanger any lives. She would not risk damaging her Unit.

"Hold your fire," Misato answered as she tracked the angel's progression through the city. "Meet Touji at location delta-seven and await instruction… I think I might have a plan."

"What about Souryu?" Touji's voice came back.

"She's in no immediate danger," Ritsuko said quietly. "Leave her."

**

"Here's the thing," Misato said quietly, her voice sounding too tense to Touji's ears. "You can't kill it."

"Come again?" the boy replied, never looking away from the slow-moving sphere.

"What you're seeing," Ritsuko explained, "isn't the angel. It's the angel's _shadow_, do you understand?"

"Ummm… no."

The angel had made its way to within ten miles of the center of Tokyo-3, and if projections were correct, it would be able to melt its way through to NERV headquarters in just under five minutes, once it got there.

Misato had no intention of finding out how accurate the projections were.

"It's not important that you understand," she said curtly. "What's important is that you do what I tell you to, got it? Good."

When both Children acknowledged, Ritsuko spoke. "One of you," she said quietly, "is going to get under the angel… and attack." She paused for a moment before continuing. "Once the angel starts to swallow you, you are to activate your AT field at full power, and try to direct it towards the center of the shadow."

"What's that gonna do?" Touji asked uneasily, his eyes flicking to the timer indicating the amount of time before the angel arrived at HQ. 

"Well," Ritsuko said reluctantly, "that's where the other player comes into effect. The second Unit will be standing by at the shadow's edge, and will also concentrate their AT field at full power towards the center of the angel – where the MAGI theorize its core is. Hopefully, this will create a resonance between the fields and cause the core to expose itself."

"That's a lot of 'if,'" Touji pointed out. "Isn't there some oth-"

"Just do it!" Misato cut in angrily. "You're no good to me if you waste time fucking around and whining! Do what you're TOLD!"

"I never asked for this, you know!" Touji shouted, the tension finally overcoming his nerve. "I didn't ask to be a pilot! I never wanted this!"

"Neither did Shinji!" Misato countered. "But at least he did what he had to! He didn't waste time with complaining – he fought!"

"Shinji's _DEAD!_"

The command deck fell silent, allowing Touji's words to echo for a moment, disrupted only by the hiss of shocked, disbelieving breath.

"Unit 01," Misato finally replied, her tone cold and hard. "You will take point A, and attack the angel from below."

"Fine," Touji answered immediately. "Then when I get back, I'm done! I'm not going to-"

"You'll do what you're told," Misato cut in, her tone like ice, "when you're told, until I say you can stop… do I make myself clear, Fourth Child?"

In the ensuing silence, Ritsuko cleared her throat. "Misato…" she whispered carefully, "easy…"

"Moving into position…" Touji's voice came to them a moment later, sounding clipped and abrupt.

"Unit 00," Rei said softly, "moving into position…"

"You really need to take it easy," Ritsuko said quietly, eyeing Misato with some concern. "You're pushing too hard – them AND you…"

The Operations Director was rubbing her side with a pained expression. "Don't tell me how to do my job," she grumbled darkly. "You just keep calculating whatever it is you calculate until you KNOW that it's going to die when they attack…"

On the main screen, Unit 01 was walking straight towards the angel, its arms hanging easily at its sides.

"He's being reckless," Makoto murmured.

"It's not going to do anything," Misato told him flatly. "The MAGI say the angel won't attack unless it's attacked first – it's more interested in getting HERE."

"The MAGI have been wrong before," Makoto pointed out, "I mean…" he trailed off as Misato slowly turned to face him, her eyes flashing. "Never mind."

**

"Here goes…" Touji murmured, bringing Unit 01 to a stop under the angel, and raising its right hand. "Wish me luck, Shin-man."

Taking a deep breath, he willed Unit 01 to squeeze the trigger on the oversized pistol in its hand.

As before, the orb in the sky vanished as soon as the bullet made contact with its outer shell. Immediately, the ground beneath the purple mecha darkened, drawing it slowly down even as its pilot willed its AT field into existence. At the edge of the shadow, Unit 00 stood still, waiting for the command to move.

"Now!" Misato cried.

Rei nodded to herself, willing her Unit to spread its field. She pursed her lips in concentration as the shadow rippled and Unit 01 stopped sinking. The center of the shadow became gradually more malformed and misshapen until finally… a glint of red became apparent.

"Firing," the First Child whispered, bringing her rifle around to bear.

Before she could fire, the shadow solidified and Unit 01 began to sink once more.

"Rei," Ritsuko's voice burst out, "you're slipping… you need to maintain full power on your AT field!"

"Then I will not be able to fire," Rei pointed out, focusing on her field and allowing the rifle to hang at Unit 00's side.

"Stalemate," Maya murmured nervously.

Misato narrowed her eyes. "No," she said tensely. "Unit 01 is still sinking… just slower."

Indeed, the purple machine WAS inching deeper into the shadow, and while it was going down at a greatly reduced speed, it was still going down.

Misato closed her eyes to concentrate, ignoring the pain in her side and the worried whispers all around. –Arc,- she thought suddenly, -if Rei can…-

"Major!"

Misato's eyes flew open as Unit 00 suddenly whipped its rifle up, firing a volley into the air. "Good girl," she muttered, taking a deep breath and turning to Ritsuko. "Give me a time estimate for repairs on Unit 02."

"But," Ritsuko wet her lips. "The… the angel-"

"Is dead."

Ritsuko looked uncertainly from the now-calm eyes of her friend to the main screen, where Unit 00 had resumed holding its AT field in place. She gasped as a moment later, a bolt of energy fell from the sky, slamming into the angel's core with pinpoint accuracy.

"H-how…?"

The shadow exploded. There was no gradual deterioration, no struggle or fight for life. There was only abrupt, instant, spectacular death.

Misato started for the door. "Give me a full report tomorrow," she said absently, "I'm going home."

The other members of the bridge crew simply gaped as Ritsuko looked from her readout to the main screen and back again. "There's… no way," she whispered to herself, "there is no… way… possible that Rei could have calculated that shot so accurately… no way…"

**

Asuka lay very still in her hospital bed, staring at the wall with a vacant expression on her face. She had not moved for at least an hour, nor did she have an inclination to move any time soon.

The angel was dead – thanks to Rei.

-Damn her…- the redhead thought tiredly. –That was MY kill… FUCK!-

She had managed to keep from screaming at Misato only by a narrow margin. A narrow margin and the look in the woman's eyes that whispered, 'I know what you're thinking – and keep it to yourself.' She knew that screaming wouldn't solve anything… but it always made her feel better to be able to let go sometimes. To cut all of her anger loose, even if it was only for a few seconds, and vocalize the pain inside of her.

She honestly did not know how Rei existed.

"Freak…" Asuka whispered, still staring at the wall. "It should have been you in that accident…"

Forcing her eyes closed (the doctors had made it clear that if she didn't sleep, she would be PUT to sleep) the redhead sighed.

"Don't think I'll forget…"she whispered, trying to lose herself in sleep.

She swallowed as she finally felt drowsiness beginning to set in… and tried not to cry as she remembered the last words she had heard before passing out in Unit 02.

"Leave her."

Continued…

Author's notes: the plot thickens! …I think. _ I was _trying_ to thicken the plot! Really!! Maybe a dash more cornstarch…

Pre-read was by Ryoma – who, not many people know, is secretly Barbie and Ken's lovechild. ^_^

Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com


	4. On the Razor’s Edge

Disclaimer: see part 1

Aoi

Part 4

On the Razor's Edge

By Random1377

((_ring_))

((_click_))

"Yes?"

"Commander, the preparations for Unit 03's arrival have been finished, and per your instructions, the Dummy Plug system has been pushed through to completion."

"Very well. Prepare the one I specified to be the Fifth."

"Sir, I… are you sure that's wise? Considering what we-"

"You're questioning my decision?"

"N-no… no, sir… I just-"

"It will serve as a lesson to those that sent her."

"What do you mean? Is something going to hap-"

"Prepare her as any other pilot, Doctor."

((_click_))

"I… ok…"

**

The Evangelion cages were dark, forcing Misato to squint as she looked around.  "Rei?" she whisper-called, "Rei, are you in here?"

The Major grimaced, putting a hand on her side as she made her way further into the darkened space.  _Why do I have to go find her?_ she thought spitefully.  _I mean, I know Ritsuko doesn't like her – fuck, she's not subtle about it – but it IS her job!  I'm not Rei's babysitter!_

Another battery of sync tests had been ordered, requiring all three Children to participate, and with the loss of the second branch and the impending arrival of Evangelion Unit 03, time was not something they had a lot of.

"Damn it!" Misato hissed, her face screwing up in pain as her hip found the sharp edge of one of the large monitoring computers.  "This sucks!"

She took a deep breath, pressing her hand to her side.

_"It's never going to heal if you don't take it easy!"_  She could hear the voice of NERV's head physician, resonating with exasperation in her mind.  _"Just as I thought – it's infected!  Here, take two of these every 8 hours – and for god's sake, take a day off!!"_

"Damn quack," Misato muttered under her breath, "like I have time to take a day off!  This whole place would fucking fall apart."

She froze as a glint of red caught her eye.

"Rei…?"

Misato shivered as she picked out the First Child's shape.  _Now that's just… wrong._

Rei was sitting with her back against the guardrail in front of Unit 00.  Shinji's SDAT was sitting in her lap, its earphones pressed tightly into the girl's ears, rendering her oblivious to the outside world… but what disturbed Misato the most was her eyes.

The pilot's dark, blood red eyes were open and staring, giving a horribly convincing illusion of death, an image ruined only by the slow, but steady, rise and fall of her chest.

Misato crouched in front of her, wincing from the pain this movement caused in her chest.  "Hey," she said softly, snapping her fingers in front of Rei's eyes, "hey, snap out of it!"

She swallowed as the eyes in question slowly turned her way, exhibiting no sign of recognition.  "Hello, Major."

Misato gritted her teeth.  "Take those off," she hissed, glancing down at the SDAT as it quietly clicked from track 25 to 26.  "What are you doing down here?" she demanded, shrugging off a sudden, gruesome mental picture of Rei hanging by the neck from an overhead beam. "We've been looking all over for you."

"I did not mean to be an inconvenience," Rei said slowly, pulling the earphones out.  "I was not aware that it was so late.  I will go change."

Misato grabbed her arm as she tried to stand, keeping her on the floor and staring the SDAT with a look of almost sick curiosity.  "What are you listening to?"

Rei pushed STOP.  "It is a compilation," she said softly, "I do not know the names of the songs."

Rubbing her forehead, Misato nodded.  "Oh."

Finding that her arm was still held firmly in place, Rei waited for the Major to speak again.

_She does not look well,_ she observed silently, _I do not recall there being that much gray in her hair before Ikari's death. Perhaps she-_

"Let me listen to it."

Rei nodded, handing the woman one of the earbuds.  "Here."

Misato put the listening device in her ear with a shaking hand, closing her eyes and nodding as Rei stared impassively at her.  "Ok," she said quietly, "I'm ready."

She was not.

Rei averted her eyes as the purple-haired woman's shoulders hunched, a soft sob escaping her as the first strains of the sad, slow, classical piece drifted through the air.

_This was Ikari's favorite,_ she thought, closing her eyes as her superior began to cry, very quietly, _I remember pilot Souryu commenting once that he was always listening to the same two songs on his player... and this is one of them.  _She kept her eyes closed as a shaking hand grasped the front of her shirt, jerking her closer to the other woman as a second hand circled her shoulders.  _There is still so much I do not understand_, she thought, feeling the Major shaking against her, _I wish you were here to help me learn, Shinji…_

With a soft sigh, Rei reached down and grasped the other earphone, silently slipping it into her ear as Misato buried her face in her shirt and wept.

_**_

"Man," Touji sighed, stretching as he made his way towards the elevator banks, "what a long ass day!"

The sync tests had been interminable.  Asuka had been bitching at him all day about what a loser he was.  And Hikari had told him that she wasn't going to be able to make it to the movies that weekend.

"At least Miss Ibuki was hot today," he told himself, pushing the button for the elevator.  "Man… a little lipstick really goes a long way."

He closed his eyes, trying to picture how the technician had looked.  _She was smiling, too,_ he told himself happily, _too bad she's so much older – I would totally-_

"Hi Touji."

Touji's eyes flew open and he gasped, finding the object of his thoughts standing next to him by the elevators… and smiling softly.

"M-miss Ibuki," he stammered, quickly regaining his composure, "you look very nice today."

Maya colored slightly.  "Th-thank you," she said awkwardly, "you… also look very nice – is that a new shirt?  It looks great."

Touji nodded quickly.  "Yeah, I got it-" he cut himself off before he could say 'because my girlfriend said it would look good,' and said, "yesterday."

"Mmm," Maya hummed, glancing at him from the corner of her eye, "well, you should buy about ten more."

Touji laughed nervously.  "I'll see what I can do."

_Wow,_ he thought suddenly, _we've never been alone like this before…_ he inhaled.  _Damn she smells good._

The ding of the elevator arriving surprised them both, and they jumped, laughing as they stepped into the car.  "Level seven for me," Maya said lightly, "I've still got work to do."  She bit her lip for a minute, then asked, "So are you… doing anything fun on the weekend?"

"Well I was supposed to," Touji grumbled, "but I guess I'm not exactly 'top priority.'  You?"

"Work, work, work," Maya laughed nervously, "but, you know… I do _like_ to do fun stuff."

"L-like what?" Touji managed, swallowing as Maya took a sideways step towards him.

"Oh, the usual," Maya said casually, trying to keep her voice level, "you know – movies, dinner, hanging, just… stuff."

"Ahh," Touji nodded, feeling a little too warm.  "Yeah, I like those things too."

"Yeah?" Maya asked innocently, reaching into her pocket and pulling out a small piece of paper, toying with it absently as the floors went by.

"Yeah."

"Well," Maya said slowly, "we should… do something sometime, then – me and you."

"Yeah?" Touji said as casually as he could, trying to ignore his hammering heartbeat.

"Yeah."

Five floors ticked by before Maya had the courage to take another step closer to the young man.

"I'm off on Tuesday and Saturday," she whispered, slipping the piece of paper into his pocket, "maybe you could… stop by some time.  We'll do something."

Touji looked into her eyes, trying to formulate some smooth, witty reply, but with her standing so close – and still having her hand in his pocket – he found coherent speech impossible.  Finally, his addled brain managed to produce, "Maybe I will."

Both were blushing furiously, but neither seemed willing to back down, and Touji hoped that she did not notice how many times he had wiped his sweaty palms on his pants so far.

_I think I'm wearing out the fabric,_ he thought faintly, swallowing with some difficulty as he looked into her eyes, _God damn – this has to be a dream… has to!!_ __

Unconsciously, Maya wet her lips.  "I know you live across town," she said softly, her eyes fixing on his mouth, "so… I'll try to make it worth the trip."  Touji held his breath as the woman leaned closer, nearly closing the distance between them before shaking herself and pulling away.  "D-don't lose that," she managed, running a hand through her hair and staring at the wall as the elevator slowed and finally stopped.  "See you tomorrow, Touji."

The young man nodded emphatically as the tech stepped out of the elevator, giving him one last smile before heading off down the hallway.  "See you later… M-Maya."

_Maya,_ he thought, slumping back against the elevator wall and sliding his hand into his pocket to wrap it protectively around the tiny scrap of paper, _not 'Miss Ibuki…' Maya._

Maya could not keep herself from laughing out loud as a triumphant shout echoed in the elevator behind her.

**

"You still haven't let him get to second base!" Mana exclaimed, her eyes wide and innocent.  "Hikari!  How long are you gonna keep the guy waiting!?"

Hikari blushed, picking at a loose thread on her friend's bedspread.  "Well," she hemmed, "I don't want to go too fast, you know?  I mean, I love being with him… but I want to make sure he's _the one_ before I… you know…"

"Fuck him?" Mana asked, laughing out loud at her friend's look of shock.  "J-just kidding!" she giggled.  "Man, you look like a tomato!"

"You're so mean!" Hikari groaned.  "I come all the way over here to pour my heart out to you here, and you just-"

"Ok, ok!" Mana said quickly, still snickering, "I won't swear anymore, ok miss prim?"

"You're so bad," Hikari complained, "I just… I want it to be right – I don't think that's such a bad thing!  And Touji's ok with it to, I mean…" she blushed even deeper, "I mean, he wants more – I know he does – but he never tries to like, _make_ me do more, you know? And he said we could take our time…"

Mana raised her hands defensively.  "Hey, don't bite my head off!" she said jokingly, "I'm just saying that after all this time, I _think_ you're ok with a little feel."

Hikari sighed.  "I'll bet you'd have already slept with him."

"Hey!!" Mana protested, "What's that supposed to mean!!"

"Sorry!" Hikari said quickly, "That was… God, that was so mean! I'm sorry."

"You should be," Mana sniffed.  "I'm not that kind of girl!  Sure I like to joke, but I'm actually…" she blushed faintly, "I'm actually worse than you."

"What do you mean?"

Mana wet her lips.  _Don't get TOO into your job, now, _she told herself, leaning forward, _just… just take it easy._

"I've never kissed anyone."

Hikari's jaw dropped open.  "N-not even like, for practice or anything?" she whistled as Mana shook her head.  "Man," she observed, "me and my best friend tried it a couple times – but it's not like it was serious, ya know, just to be ready for boys."

_Right,_ Mana thought, trying not to roll her eyes, _I'll bet your 'friend' wanted a little more… otherwise it would have only been once._  She felt a shiver of excitement.  _Or maybe… YOU wanted more?_

"Wow," Hikari whispered, "that's… man – never??"

Mana nodded, leaning a little closer on the bed.  "What's it like?"

_Can you be more obvious?_ She scolded herself severely.

She bit her lip as Hikari laughed.  "You gotta know how to do it before you get kissed for real!  Man, when my friend Yuki got her first kiss she nearly cut the poor guy's lip off on her braces!"  She shrugged.  "I guess I could show you, if you want." 

"Yeah!" Mana said, coughing as Hikari frowned slightly.  "I mean, you know – if you want to."

_Smooth… real smooth._

"Alright, sit on the edge of the bed," Hikari instructed.

_YES!!_

Fighting to contain her excitement, Mana did as she was told, wetting her lips and wiping her hands on her jeans.  "Just… just sit here?" she asked nervously.  "Should I close my eyes or anything?"

"If you want," Hikari laughed, "it's not a big deal, Mana – really.  It's just practice."

"Right!" Mana laughed, trying to sound casual.

_It's not like I'm lying to her,_ she told herself as Hikari slid off the bed and stood in front of her, _I really haven't ever been kissed._  She kept her eyes open as Hikari put her hands on her shoulders.  _Ooo she's so damn cute!!_

"Ready?"

"U-uh huh!"

Making herself sit still, Mana leaned forward… directly into Heaven.

_God… damn!_ She thought dizzily, tilting her head a bit as Hikari's lips brushed hers.  _Don't freak her out!_ Her mind warned, _Just… just take it easy – and for God's sake, do NOT slip her the tongue!_

"Mmm," Mana hummed as Hikari broke away, trying to hide her rapid breathing, "so that's a kiss, huh?"

"Well, not a great one," Hikari said, scratching the back of her neck, "I was… ya know, I was kinda holding back, since it was your first one and all."

"But I thought you said it was practice?" Mana reminded her, keeping her tone conversational, "come on, show me a real one!"

Hikari shrugged.  "Yes ma'am!" she laughed.

Mana's heart jumped into her throat as her friend leaned forward and showed her a real kiss.  _Un… fair…_ she thought weakly, _this is so fucking good – and she's just practicing!!  God I want her…_

"M-Mana!"

Mana blinked her eyes open (_When did I close them?_) and frowned.  "What's wrong?"

Hikari was bright red.  "Look down," she whispered through gritted teeth.

"Oh!!" Mana gasped.

Her hand had somehow found its way to Hikari's right breast.

"Well, umm," she stammered, thinking quickly, "I, you know – I just thought it wasn't fair that I should be the only one that got to try something new."

Hikari considered this for a moment, frowning down at the other girl's hand until it was pulled away.  "Pervert."

Mana flinched. "N-no! I… I was just…"

Nothing could describe the feeling of relief that flooded her as Hikari giggled.  "You're such a pervert!" she laughed.  "Man – I was like, 'Hello!!'"

Joining in her laughter, Mana fell back on the bed.  _Thank God,_ she thought happily, _thank God I didn't screw it up!_

After several minutes of playful teasing, Hikari announced that she really had to get going – prompting Mana to (almost jokingly) quip, 'without a goodnight kiss?' producing more gales of laughter.  Once Hikari had been escorted to the door, Mana raced back to her bed and screamed.

She laughed, completely intoxicated with life.  _Someday,_ she told herself dreamily, _someday we'll do that for real!_

Closing her eyes, she imagined the look on Touji's face if he had been there.

"Stupid jock," she laughed, "I can just…" she trailed off, quickly sliding off of her bed and sitting at her desk.  Grinning wolfishly, she picked up a pen and opened her notebook.  _Oh yeah, _she thought, nearly laughing out loud as she wrote, _This is gonna be great!_

She was just coming back from the mailbox when the phone rang.

_**_

Gendou frowned as he made his way through the empty graveyard, the wind whipping around him as the VTOL idled, waiting for him to complete his task.

It would not be a long visit.

_Not much longer now,_ he thought tiredly, _less than a handful of angels remain… then we shall experience the joy of rebirth._  He rubbed his eyes under his glassed.  "Soon, Yui," he whispered, "soon."

He walked through the narrow rows, never once looking at the names on the countless crosses he passed.  They meant nothing to him.  Only one name mattered.

As he reached her row, however, Gendou came to a halt, frowning deeply as he spied a familiar figure kneeling by his wife's grave.

"Souryu."

Asuka kept her head bowed.  "I… talked to Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki," she said slowly, "he told me that you come here twice a year – like clockwork.  Once on her birthday, which is today… and once on the anniversary of the day she died."

Gendou said nothing, frowning down at the redhead as if the darkness of his glare could make her leave.

"I want to talk about Shinji," Asuka said flatly.

"No."

Asuka nodded to herself, as if she had anticipated exactly this response… and countered.  "My mother told me once," she said carefully, "that memories are like money.  You share them when you can… keep them when no one else will benefit from them… and bring them out to admire when you have nothing else to hold on to."  She raised her head, meeting the man's eyes through his heavily tinted lenses.  "I don't like that analogy," she said bluntly, "it's cheap and it degrades the importance of memories – but for you it fits."

"And why is that?" Gendou asked, allowing himself to be led into the obvious trap in the hopes that the girl would give up and leave.

Asuka looked back to the grave.  "You're like a miser," she said softly, "hoarding Shinji's memory like a stack of money, but you know what?"  She took a deep breath and rose to her feet, turning to face him head on.  "I have memories of him that you'll never touch – sides of him that only I have ever seen, and if you don't share your memories… I won't share mine."

"And you believe this to be a threat?" Gendou asked dryly.  "How amus-" 

"When you told him he had done a good job in beating the tenth angel," the redhead interrupted, "he smiled.  Did you know that?  His entire face lit up – like he had just been told that Christmas would be coming early this year, and Santa had heard he was a good boy."

Gendou stopped, blinking at the intensity of the young girl's expression.

"It's… nice, isn't it?" Asuka said after a moment of quiet, "it's nice to hear about him being happy."  She averted her eyes, wiping them discretely before whispering, "I propose an exchange – yours and mine… memory for memory… Shinji for Shinji."

Gendou pursed his lips, frowning deeply as he considered the offer.  Finally, he turned away, starting back towards the waiting VTOL.

"No."

"Wait."

He came up short at the cool command in the young woman's voice.

"You owe me at least one," Asuka said quietly.  "I gave y-"

"I owe you nothing," Gendou said flatly, "Good day, pilot."

"Wait!" Asuka cried, her voice taking on a desperate edge.

"What?"

There was a long, painful silence.

"Please…?"

Gendou lifted his head, glancing up to where Rei's face could be seen through the small porthole on the side of the VTOL… watching him curiously.

"He was…"

Asuka swallowed, leaning closer as the man cleared his throat.  "Yeah?"

Gendou averted his eyes from the piercing red gaze of the First Child.

"He was sick when he was three," he said gruffly, "and he threw up all over my shirt."  He shook his head slowly and started for the VTOL once more.  "You asked for a memory, Souryu – that is what I remember the most.  His stomach was always weak, and when he was sick he couldn't hold his food down," he lowered his voice to a whisper, "he was always too weak."

"Were you holding him?"

Gendou froze.  "What?"

Asuka took a step closer.  "Were you holding him, Commander?"

Gendou closed his eyes, shaking his head to clear it of the painful, suddenly too-clear image of a small child with dark blue eyes, snuffling miserably in his arms and hitching 'g-gomen… gomen, otosan,' over and over into his ruined shirt.

"Good day, pilot."

Asuka watched as the man walked to the transport, never once looking back.  _Weak,_ she thought dismally, _so weak that he needed someone to protect him…_ she blinked, averting her eyes as the VTOL slowly lifted off, _so weak that when he needed it the most… everyone failed._  She looked up, narrowing her eyes as she found Rei peering calmly down at her.

"Especially you."

She held the other girl's gaze as long as she could, whispering, 'kill you, kill you,' under her breath until the transport disappeared high into the sky, leaving her alone.

**

"Four hours late!" Misato gowled, pacing back and forth on the tarmac.

"Not used to waiting for guys, are you Misato?" Ritsuko muttered, trying to keep up the crumbling façade of friendship.

Shinji's death had taken a very large toll on the relationship between the old college mates, stressing it to the breaking point as blame and guilt warred between them.  Both shouldered some of the blame for the young man's death, and – though they never admitted it – each secretly held the other accountable for the balance of the blame they did not internalize.

Theirs was an association on the verge of collapse, barely held together by shared responsibilities and force of habit.

"Fuck you, Akagi."

Barely.

"I'll see if I can pencil you in," Ritsuko returned coolly, "you know I have a very busy schedule."

Misato's reply was lost in a sudden fit of coughing.

Ritsuko looked down from where she had been watching the sky, a light frown gracing her pretty features as she considered her friend.  "Hey," she said softly, "you doing ok?"

Misato wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, grimacing slightly and reaching into her pocket with her other hand to pull out a small wad of napkins.  "I'm wonderful," she said quietly, turning subtly away from the other woman and wiping her hand with the napkins, "just a little cold, that's all."

There was a moment of silence.

"Liar."

Misato glared at the blonde, putting her hand on her chest and rubbing absently at the warm spot under her shirt.  "Butt out," she snapped, "I'm just a little sick, that's _it_, alright?  And it's not like I can just skip this, is it?"

"Misato, look," Ritsuko began earnestly, "we've been friends a long time, right?  I don't think I'm out of line in suggesting that you take it easy for a few days after the activ-"

She was cut off as the operations director was seized with another coughing fit, bracing her hand on the side of the waiting transport truck for support as her body was wracked with spasms.

"If you say… I don't look so good…" Misato managed, pulling the napkins out once more and wiping her mouth, "I'll fucking shoot you."

Ritsuko raised her hands, pursing her lips as she studied her old friend.  "You do what you have to do," she said slowly, "but remember that I will too."  She nodded as Misato scowled at her.  "You've got your duties," she said coolly, "and I've got mine, and if I feel that you're not up to the job… I'll ask to have you replaced."

Misato stared at her long-time friend for a moment, then smiled coldly.  "Yeah, good luck with that," she said sarcastically.  "I'll just-"

"Shh!"

Ritsuko frowned, closing her eyes for a moment and concentrating.

"It's here."

Misato raised her eyes to the heavens, her mouth compressing to a thin line as she spotted a tiny black speck in the distance.

"Neopath 983, copy," the radio in the truck crackled to life, "had a few bumps, but the package is a-ok.  Over."

Ritsuko leaned into the cab and grabbed the CB.  "Neopath, that's a roger," she said, her tone brisk and professional, "deliver the package ASAP and report to central for debriefing, over."

There was a groan.  "Neopath copies," came the reluctant reply, "debriefing… super.  Out."

"Sorry boys," Ritsuko sighed, "I'm sure you were looking forward to a little r and r, but hey – business before pleasure, right?  Out."

She hung the CB on its hook and stretched, glancing at Misato for a moment.  _I should try to straighten this out,_ she thought reluctantly, _if we just leave it like this, it'll only go downhill.  We're all walking the edge – if this keeps up, someone's going to fall._

As she opened her mouth to offer a round of drinks to celebrate after the activation, Misato spoke.  "Do you know," she said quietly, keeping her eyes on the approaching EVA carrier, "after the fourth angel, Shinji told me that he thought he was going to die?  I came to see him in his room, to tell him what a good job he'd done, and he was just looking at his hands."

"His hands?" Ritsuko prompted softly as the other woman trailed off.

Misato nodded, holding her own hands out in front of her.  "He looked up at me when I asked if everything was ok, and he said, 'Did I do ok, Miss Katsuragi?'  Well, I nodded and told him he'd done great, and saved our lives, you know – trying to remind him how important he was."  She drew a deep breath, covering her side as a stitch of pain ran through it.  "Then he said, 'I'm going to die if I have to do it again, Miss Katsuragi… I know I will – please don't make me do it again.'"

"No one made him do it again," Ritsuko said slowly, "he chose to come back and fight, right? That's what you told me."

The purple-haired woman nodded.  "Yeah that's right," she said, turning to face the blonde, her nostrils flaring with sudden, red-hot rage.  "And he died, just like he said he would. He knew, every time he got into an EVA, that it could kill him – and it finally did – but he did it anyway because he knew that everyone else relied on him to protect them!"  She stalked over to where Ritsuko was standing, getting right in her face.  "So don't you _ever_ tell me that I need to back off," she hissed through her teeth, "I will give everything I have until the very fucking second I die, and I will not let up, I will not back down, and I will not 'take it easy' just because I'm a little sick."

Ritsuko averted her eyes, feeling herself color slightly as the other woman's eyes raked over her.  "I… I get it," she said unevenly, "I get it, Misato."

"Good."

Silence returned as the two women turned their attention to the sky.

There would be no drinks that night.

Continued… 

Author's notes: yes, yes, I know this chapter took a long time to get out… I'll try to move faster with 5.  I've already got some good ideas, so HOPEFULLY it won't be TOO long.  _  And what's up with Misato's coughing?  …oh you'll see. Mwahahahahahahahaha!!

Pre-read on this chapter was by Ryoma.  Heh… you thought you were free of it, didn't you? :P  Also lending a hand on pre-reading was Planes-Walker.  Muchos Gracias!!

Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com


	5. Justification

Disclaimer: see part 1

Aoi

Part 5

Justification

By Random1377

Mana frowned deeply as she looked at the light purple plugsuit in the bag she had been handed. "Are you sure my uncle's been contacted?" she asked.  "He worries… can't I call him?"

"I'm afraid not," Ritsuko said, not looking up from her data printout, "no calls until after the sync-test, Commander's orders.  But I did leave instructions for your uncle to be contacted."

Mana sighed, "Ok… thanks…"  On the outside, she was cool and collected… but inside she was in a near panic. _DAMNIT!_ she thought, zipping the bag closed once more, _It wasn't supposed to go this far… if they hadn't come and got me right after I got off the phone, I'd be fucking gone!!_

'Uncle' was her contact. When she had called, barely able to speak due to the adrenaline in her body, and told him that she had been chosen as a Child, he had been ecstatic. 'Gather as much information as you can,' he said soothingly, 'then call us the night before the first sync test and we'll get you and the data out of there. Damn good job, Kirishima, _damn_ good!' Not that she had really had much to do with the selection… but still, the praise had pleased her – and the promise of swift extraction had calmed her.

Now, staring up at the sinister black form of Unit 03… it was small comfort.

"We'll start as soon as Major Katsuragi gets here," Ritsuko said, finally looking up, "Why don't you change?"

"Ok," Mana said softly, unable to look away from the behemoth. 

Abruptly, she felt a stab of regret.  After all the time she had spent with Hikari, listening to her talk about Touji, and the EVAs, and the other pilots… was she really doing the right thing?  Her superiors told her that the EVAs were a rogue force, only allowed to be unchained because of the greater threat of the angels. But now…

"Can I get a message to Hikari Horaki?" she asked abruptly, "It's… important. There's something I need to tell her."

Ritsuko blinked, "Well," she conceded, "Commander Ikari didn't say anything about a personal message. Sure," she grabbed a pen, "go ahead, I'll make sure it's delivered myself."

The girl hesitated for a moment, then sighed, knowing she would not find another way to say what she needed to say.

Slowly she detailed a brief message to her friend… secretly impressed that the blonde's only indication of her surprise was a slight raise in her eyebrows as Mana quietly spoke the contents of her heart and asked her forgiveness for the last thing she had done before leaving.

**

Touji stood still, his eyes scanning the letter once more.  Key words kept jumping out at him, like **touch** and **loser** and **mine**, the sum of the parts creating a dizzying whirlwind in his mind as he kept coming back to the one word that was hardest to relate to the others.

**Hikari****.**

"No way," he whispered, reading the letter once more as he started pacing through his room, "she wouldn't… let her do that to her – no way!!"

The letter had been in his mailbox that morning, and Touji had been obsessively reading through it for over an hour, trying to keep his cool as his subconscious kept whispering, _you're such an idiot!!_ Over and over.

For the third time, he crumpled the letter in his fist hands, his body shaking with rage as he imagined his girlfriend and – "Mana… I'm gonna fucking kill her!"

His head jerked up as the doorbell rang, and his top lip pulled away from his teeth in a subconscious snarl, and he tossed the letter carelessly at the garbage can in the corner, too angry at its contents to care if it went in or not.

Hikari smiled happily as he opened the door, immediately throwing her arms around his neck and kissing him lightly on the lips.  "Hi," she said warmly, "got your message – what's up?  You sounded so serious on the phone."

Touji did not return her smile.  "Where's Mana?" he asked flatly.  "I haven't seen her at school for two days – where'd she go?"

"You know," Hikari said thoughtfully, "I don't know.  I guess she had something come up, but she didn't tell me about it."  She smiled playfully.  "What, did she do something to piss you off?  I don't know why you guys can't just get along."

_Yeah she did something to piss me off,_ Touji thought angrily, _You__!_

"She told me about what you guys did a couple days ago," Touji snapped, refusing to waste time on subtlety or tact – skills he never used if he did not have to.

"Ohhh," Hikari nodded, a look of understanding dawning on her face, "I'll bet that's why she's been laying low – she's probably embarrassed."

"Embarrassed??" Touji echoed.  "She wasn't too embarrassed in the letter she wrote me!"

Hikari cocked her head to the side.  "What're you so upset about?" she asked curiously.  "I thought guys liked that kind of stuff."

"Yeah, not me!" Touji shot back, mentally adding, _Especially__ when you won't even let me TOUCH you!_

"It was just once," Hikari shrugged, sitting on Touji's bed and swinging her legs back and forth, "I wasn't planning on making a habit of it, Touji – she just hadn't done it before."

Touji just stared at her.

"What?"

"I gotta get out of here," Touji muttered, too angry to form more complicated sentences, "bye."

"Hey!" Hikari called as he stomped towards the door, "I… it was just once, Touji – I'm sorry."

"Yeah, the hell you are."

Hikari blinked as the door slammed.  _Let him blow it off,_ her rational (and, coincidently, stubborn) side recommended, pushing back at the idea that she should chase him, _it's not THAT big a deal!  I'm not going to_ _go running after him, begging to be forgiven over one lousy practice kiss!_

She sighed and got to her feet.  "Maybe I'll make some lunch for him," she murmured, starting for the door, "kinda smooth things… over…" she frowned as she spotted a piece of bright blue paper, crumpled into a ball by the garbage can.

_Mana's__ got that little tablet of colored paper on her desk,_ she thought, looking around the room for a moment before picking the piece of paper up, _I wonder what she said._

The blood drained from her face as she read the descriptive, borderline pornographic letter, outlining Mana and herself – "We never did… _that!! _What the hell!?"

Hikari felt cold all over as she remembered the look of rage on Touji's face.  "Aww man," she groaned, dropping the letter and running for the door.  "Touji!!"

By the time she made it to the street, glancing wildly around for any sign of her errant boyfriend, it was far, far too late.

**

Misato coughed as quietly as she could, feeling intimidated by the quiet and immensity of the EVA cages.  "Are you here?" she called tentatively, trying to pick out the shape of the First Child in the darkness.

"Yes."

Slowly, Misato made her way over to the soft voice, easing herself down with some difficulty and holding her side as she closed her eyes.  "Are you here for a while?" she whispered.

Rei continued to stare up at the ceiling.  "Yes," she answered simply, pushing PLAY on the SDAT in her hand and letting the music fill her right ear as she offered the other earphone to her superior.

I am glad that she no longer weeps, she thought absently.

It had been a very strange few weeks, Rei decided.  She came to the cages on a regular basis, as she found the quiet of the cavernous space more soothing than her small apartment, and she had heard several of the technicians whisper about how odd this habit was… but what struck her as odd was how casually Major Katsuragi had joined her.  After the first time she had shared Shinji's music with the Operations Director, the woman had shown up almost every day for more – rather like an addict, when Rei thought about it.

They would sit… and listen to music… and simply be there together.  Occasionally they would talk, but this was a rare occurrence, and when it happened, the topic was always Shinji – what he liked, what he did not like, what others liked about him, everything under the sun… though it was mostly Misato talking and Rei listening or offering one-word replies.  It seemed to Rei that the older woman was trapped in the past, and having someone to listen to sometimes was a requirement for her continued sanity.

Today, Rei found, was a talkative day.

"Shinji asked if he could invite you for dinner once," Misato said abruptly, grimacing as she rubbed her side, "did he ever do it?"

"No," Rei replied, "he did not."

"I'm jealous of you…"

This, Rei had not expected, and she turned her head to regard the Major.  "I see," she said noncommittally, unsure of how to reply to the sudden change of topic.

"Do you know why?" Misato pressed, by now familiar enough with Rei's manner of speech to know that she would not get any unsolicited information.

"No."

"You get to be close to him," the older woman whispered, "somehow, you still get to be with him.  I'm jealous of that."

Rei considered this for a moment, knowing that a simple 'I see' would not suffice for this depth of conversation.  "I would rather see him as he was," she said finally.

"Me too," Misato said softly, opening her eyes and turning to face the First, "but I'd give a lot to be able to touch him the way you touch him.  Something is better than nothing."  Tentatively, she put her hand on Rei's shoulder, looking her in the eyes as she whispered, "I can't imagine what it must have taken for you to pull the trigger that day.  I know it was for the greater good, but I just… I never would have been able to do it."

Rei nodded, but said nothing, again finding herself at a loss for words under the Major's intense, deeply unhappy gaze.

Misato tilted her head to the side, noticing (not for the first time) how similar Rei and Shinji's faces seemed, when studied under the right light.  "Would you like to come over for dinner sometime?"

Rei found herself nodding again.  "Yes."

The idea of dinner with one of the two people that Ikari was closest too was very appealing, and when she reflected on the past few weeks… Rei realized that she had grown very comfortable in the purple-haired woman's presence.  Dinner, she reasoned, would be very relaxing, provided that the Second was not around.

Finding that they had nothing more to say, Rei and Misato simply sat and stared into one another's eyes, completely comfortable with each other and totally unwilling to acknowledge that there was more going on than a simple remembrance of the dead.

**

Touji kicked an empty can of juice, watching it skitter and bounce down the street. "It's no big deal," he muttered sarcastically, "it was just once.  Right…"

He looked up at a street sign, then back to the small, worn scrap of paper in his hand.

"Well fuck you too…" he whispered angrily, turning the corner and marching up to the house marked 432.

_She wants it that way,_ he thought bitterly, _fine!_ He brought his hand up, fully intending to push the doorbell, but he hesitated, his finger hovering over the button as an image of Hikari smiling at him floated through his mind. _Maybe I should just go…_ he thought, feeling guilty, _maybe it was a misunderstanding._

He almost turned away… but then he thought of Mana, smiling that little, secret smile of hers.

He rang the bell.

After a long pause, Maya came to the door, wearing a simple tee shirt and a pair of shorts, and concealing a yawn behind her palm. As she finished yawning, she realized who it was that had woken her. "Touji!" she said, still slightly asleep, "I was just taking a little nap… what's up?"

He fidgeted, his mind jumping a million different directions.  "Maya, Hi… I was just…" What _was_ he doing there?  He wasn't certain. He knew that he was hurt by Mana's letter… he knew that he was confused about how he felt for both Hikari and Maya… and he knew that the languid smile Maya was giving him now was driving him insane.

Maya opened the door a little further.  "Would you like to come i-" her question was cut short as Touji stepped forward, put his hands on her cheeks, and pressed his lips to hers, kissing her roughly.

Maya gasped in shock as he continued his forward motion, pushing her back into her apartment and up against the wall, kicking the door closed behind him as he went. Her hands slid all over the wall as he kissed her, as if she was trying to decide what to do.

Aggressively, he slipped his tongue into her mouth, eliciting another shocked gasp from the woman. _She wants this, right?_ he thought as he kissed her, _Or she wouldn't have invited me over… and invited me in… right?_

As his hand slid up her side, Maya decided on a course of action.  She put one hand on top of his and pushed down, then put the other on his chest and pushed away.

The kiss broken, Touji stood in front of her, both of them breathing hard. _Was I wrong…?_ he thought nervously.

Maya reached down… and grasped the bottom of her shirt, pulling it up over her head in one movement and tossing it to the side. She then reached out and pulled him back to her, this time pushing her tongue into his mouth and letting out a loud moan.

He only paused for a moment before returning his hand to her side and moving it up once more, dazed by the sensation of warm skin against his hand.

"Touji!" she gasped, breaking away once more and looking into his eyes.

"What?" he whispered, completely unsure of what to do.

"Be… be gentle with me, ok?" she said, a trace of fear in her eyes, "I… it's be a while since I… since… you know…"

His eyes widened, both at the thought of this gorgeous woman being lonely… and at her flat out statement that they _would_ be doing _that_ – as if there was never a doubt in her mind.

Slowly, he nodded. "I would never hurt you…" he whispered, leaning forward and kissing her again… and letting his hand continue to slide, unobstructed, up her side.

**

"We'll be ready to go in ten minutes."

Mana nodded, managing a sickly smile as she looked up at the purple-haired woman in front of her.  "Kind of nervous," she laughed weakly, wishing Doctor Akagi was the one helping her suit up.

The Major scared her, not just because Mana thought that the woman might suspect her true motives (this, she reasoned, could be imagination, as Misato seemed to treat EVERYONE with suspicion as far as Mana could see) but because she had an air of barely contained, intermingled rage and sadness that seemed to wash off the woman like an ebbing tide.  She always looked tired and ready to snap to Mana, and she was always rubbing at her side and coughing into a wad of Kleenex she kept in her pocket.

Mana was sure that she saw streaks of red and green in one handful the woman had thrown away.

"It'll be fine," Misato muttered, wiping her brow absently and leaning on the doorframe.  "Push the button on your right wrist to pressurize your suit… that's good, now put the headband on – no, no, with the bumps parallel to your eyes, like the manual says." She nodded as Mana adjusted the neural connectors. "Yes, like that, I-" she trailed off into a fit of coughing, waving away Mana's offer of help.  "I'm… fine," she gasped, "just… get going, I'll see you in the test area."

"Yes ma'am."

Mana hurried out of the locker room, trying not to look back as Misato coughed again.  _Damn, _she thought, relieved as she finally made it out of earshot, _she's-_ she cut her thought off as she found Doctor Akagi rounding the corner in front of her.  _You know,_ she thought with a mental sigh, _she's not too bad either.  Man, NERV must have a good looks requirement for hiring._

"I have your letter in my pocket," Ritsuko announced, as the girl fell in step at her side, "Sorry, I didn't have time to get it sent."

"No big deal," Mana said softly, trying not to let her shoulders slump, "I can just tell her myself, I guess."

"Good," Ritsuko said, briskly pushing past the issue, "now Major Katsuragi outlined the procedure for you, correct?"

"Yeah, pretty much," Mana nodded as they entered the synchronization test facility.  "She said this is just a test, so all I have to do on this one is clear my mind and focus on my body, right?"

"Right," Ritsuko nodded approvingly, "just try to think of your arms and legs, and the EVA will do the rest.  It'll get more complicated when we get to moving and fighting, but you'll be briefed by Misato or myself when that time comes."

"If I can hear her through the coughing," Mana joked gamely, "man, ummm… is she ok, Doctor Akagi?  I mean, I know she got stabbed, but she doesn't look so good… so is she ok?" 

Ritsuko hesitated as they reached the entry plug, glancing up as Misato came through the opposite door.  "No," she whispered softly, taking in her friend's pale complexion and dark, haunted eyes, "no, she's not."

"Get in and let's get this over with," Misato said tersely, reaching into her pocket and pulling out a small bottle of pills.  "I've got shit to do."

Mana winced as the woman tossed two capsules into her mouth and bit down, her expression registering disgust as she crunched them into oblivion.  "Y-yes ma'am," she stammered, climbing awkwardly into the entry plug.

"Begin insertion," Ritsuko ordered, glancing at Misato from the corner of her eye.  "You should take it easy on the kid," she said, speaking quickly as Misato's expression darkened, "and don't give me your 'I won't back down' spiel again, ok?  She's still just a kid, so back off a little."

"Let's just do this," Misato said flatly, "we'll talk about an off day when we're done or something, but for now… just do it, Ritsuko."

"Yes ma'am."

Mana forced herself to relax as the plug was flooded with LCL.  _Keep it calm,_ she thought, _'uncle' will get me out of here tomorrow, and I'll get a big fat commendation for all the information I've gathered._

"Stage one connection," Ritsuko announced, "all boards are green.  Mana?  How do you feel?"

"Ummm… warm, I guess," Mana answered honestly, "that's about it."

"Excellent," Ritsuko said approvingly, "low-level nerve sympathy confirmed.  Preparing for stage two."

Mana shivered as a wave of warmth passed over her.  _This isn't… that bad,_ she thought reasonably, _I just…_  She took a deep breath, focusing on her body for a moment as the warm feeling started to fade.  _I hope this is the right thing…_

She frowned slightly at this thought.  Usually she was very steadfast in her duties and beliefs – it was one of her best traits, actually – but after all the time she had spent around NERV employees and their friends and families, she was starting to feel the faint, softly whispering voice of doubt.

"Doing good, Mana," Ritsuko said briskly, "moving to stage two."

Mana's arms and legs started tingling, and she had the oddest sensation of… largeness – as if she was suddenly twenty times larger.  _It's EVA,_ she told herself, inexplicably excited about the upcoming third stage, _I'm about to be connected to the biggest, most powerful weapon on earth – screw the Trident, this thing would crush it like a bug!_

"Stage two, one hundred percent green," Ritsuko announced, grinning at Misato.  "Just a few more minutes and we can pack it all in – happy now?"

"Ask me again in a few more minutes," Misato grumbled, giving one, almost sullen cough.

"Fucking pessimist," Ritsuko needled softly.  "Preparing for stage three – absolute borderline in two minutes."

Mana inhaled slowly, feeling the LCL flow effortlessly into her lungs.  _I wish that letter got sent,_ she lamented, _Hikari__… oh God, I hope you can forgive me.  I think… I think I'm in love with you, so please understand why I wanted to hurt him, ok? I just-_

"Absolute borderline in ten, nine, eight…" Ritsuko's cool, collected voice cut into her thoughts, making her focus on the event at hand.

_After,_ she promised herself quickly, _think about it after we-_

"…zero, we have absolute-"

"Energy surge in the back panel!" one of the techs cried out.

"What?!"

Mana felt her stomach roll over as something… slithered into her consciousness.  _Wha__…_

Alarms sounded all around her, filling her world with noise and light.  "Get down!" she picked Misato's voice out of the din, and she was dimly aware of the purple-haired woman tackling Doctor Akagi as a brilliant white flash filled the room, a roaring growl signaling Unit 03's complete surrender to the angel that had infected it on its flight to Japan.

_God,_ Mana thought, vomiting violently into the LCL as the entire row of technicians in front of her vaporized before her eyes, _I can still feel everything!!  I don't deserve this!  God, please – save me!  Please, anyone… SAVE ME!!!_

God, it seemed… was not listening.

**

"So are they dead?"

"Unknown," Maya's voice came into Unit 01's entry plug sounding uncertain and scared, "All we know is that there was an explosion at Matsushiro, contact was lost, and a blue pattern was detected at that location."

"Got it," Touji nodded.  In spite of the gravity of the situation, he could not keep himself from smiling.  "So when we get back," he said casually, switching to a private channel, "should we… pick up where we were interrupted?"

Maya hesitated, clearly embarrassed by what she was about to say.  "Umm… I'd… I'd like to," she said slowly, "but maybe we could, like, get some dinner first and… and talk about stuff, k?"

Missing the uncertainty in the woman's voice, Touji shrugged.  "Sure thing," he said easily, thinking back to the activity they had been partaking of in Maya's front hall when the angel alarm sounded.

_Kensuke'll__ freak,_ he thought, his smile becoming a full-blown grin, _but I think I'll hold off on telling him until we're like, officially dating and stuff.  Or maybe I'll just tell him I've done it, but not with who, cuz I think she'd be pissed – and he probably wouldn't believe me anyway._

"So…"

He was drawn from the pleasant contemplation of his forthcoming declaration of 'adulthood' by Asuka's casual, private-line hailing.

"Sup, Red?" he said casually, refusing to let her attitude ruin his mood.

"Saw you and Ibuki come in together," Asuka's voice said calmly.

"Yeah, and?" Touji snorted.

"I wonder what Hikari would say, that's all."

Touji scowled.  "Ask her girlfriend," he said gruffly, closing the connection window and ignoring the immediate request for a new connection.  "Bitch."

After several moments, Asuka gave up.  _Hikari__ and me are done,_ he thought angrily, _why would I want a little girl when I've got a woman – a woman that actually DOES stuff?_  He leaned his head back on his pilot's seat, waiting for further orders and letting his mind wander over all that had happened in the last seven hours.  _Aww__ fuck,_ he thought, rubbing his eyes, _now I'm feeling all guilty… don't tell me I LOVE Hikari?!  _

"Fucking love," he sighed, "shit's never simple for me…"

"Target is approaching Unit 02's position," Aoba's voice announced, "long range scanners projecting picture onscreen in four, thee, two – target."

"No way!"

Touji simply stared as the hulking, black and white form of Unit 03 came lumbering around one of the mountains near Kobei, its arms swinging loosely at its sides.

"That's one of us!" Asuka gasped.  "It's M-"

"It is an angel," Gendou cut in, "destroy it."

"But the pilot," Asuka protested, eying the EVA warily and unconsciously tightening Unit 02's grip on its rocket launcher.  "The pilot is-"

"Destroy the target," Gendou interrupted again, "it is an angel – now do your duty."

"Y-yes sir," Asuka stammered, preparing herself to fight.

"Now what about the pilot?" Touji asked, trying to relax in his seat as he finally opened the private communications window.

"You mean you don't know?" Asuka's voice came back.  "No one told you who the pilot is??"

"No, devil girl," Touji growled, "I'm afraid no one seems to be too cool with letting me in on top secret shit these days."

"Well," Asuka replied, her voice sounding terribly reluctant, "the… the pilot-"

Her voice was cut off by a loud bang, as if two semi trucks had collided five feet from where she was standing.

"Unit 02 has engaged," Maya's voice came over the tac-net, "damage to primary weapons systems, cause unknown – damn it, they're kicking up too much dust for me to… wait… progressive knife activated…"

Touji waited in tense silence, letting out a shaky breath as Maya spoke again.

"Unit 02 has gone silent.  Entry plug ejection was successful, and pilot is away."

"Thank god," Touji whispered.  He rubbed his eyes, knowing that the redhead would sooner have died than lose in a fight, but he was not too interested in attending anymore funerals in the near future, even the German's.  "Me and Ayanami'll take care of this," he told himself, glancing at the small dot marked Unit 00 on his tactical map, "isn't that right, Shinji?"

**

Rei carefully edged Unit 00 around the side of the hilltop she was crouching behind, watching closely as the thirteenth angel made its way ponderously towards NERV headquarters.  The assault rifle her mecha cradled was huge, with rounds half the size of streetlights and a damage classification of four point three on the six-point scale.

It could level a mid-sized building in one volley.

_And its back is to me,_ she thought, slowly zooming in on Unit 03, _now is the opportune time to fire._

She hesitated for a fraction of a second, the image of the Fifth Child's smiling profile picture floating up in her mind before she carefully suppressed it.

"For the greater good," she whispered, willing Unit 00 to squeeze the trigger.

When the battle footage was later analyzed, the review committee would all agree that pilot Ayanami did everything in her power to stop the renegade Evangelion.  They would nod and hum, and point out that the black mecha was certainly never _designed_ to move that fast, and they would sagely concur that under _normal_ circumstances every round that Unit 00 fired would have found its mark.

All Rei knew was that one minute she was opening fire on a slow moving target, and the next… she was on the ground, with her assault rifle crushed under her.

"Unit 00 is down!" Maya called out, her voice high with concern.  "MAGI have upgraded estimated target speed to… oh my God – class _seven??_"

The technician's words meant nothing to Rei; the only thing that mattered was escape.  She willed Unit 00 to roll, trying to shake the offending mecha off her back, but to her very great surprise she found that she could not move.

_It is stronger,_ she thought with sudden clarity, _I…_

The truth downed in her mind, accompanied by a feeling she rarely experienced: shame.  She had underestimated her opponent, and now was at its mercy.  This point was driven home as she felt an odd tingling sensation in her left arm, as if she had fallen asleep on it and was just waking up.

"Target has begun infiltration of Unit 00," Aoba's voice announced suddenly, "estimate total unit loss in… seven minutes."

Rei blinked in surprise as she heard the commander calmly order, "Sever Unit 00's arm."

"But her neural connections are still active!" Maya protested, "At least let me c-"

"Do it now or I will have you shot," Gendou cut in flatly.

There was a long moment of silence… and Rei's arm exploded.  She let out a sharp cry as all of her nerves informed her 'your arm is gone now.'

"T-target has released Unit 00."

Rei barely heard the announcement that her attacker had retreated – all she could do was clutch her arm and moan weakly.  _It is there,_ she tried to tell herself, _I can… feel it with my other hand – it is there!_

It was no use.  Consciously, she could see and touch her left arm, but no matter how she tried, she could not force it to react to her mind's commands.

"First Child has sustained neural damage," Maya's voice came to her, sounding faint and surreal, "extent is unknown at this time, but… but there's no way she can pilot right now."

"Understood," the commander's voice echoed in Rei's ears, "then it falls to Unit 01."

Her mind a nauseating blaze of pain and confusion, Rei felt darkness swimming up to fold her in its warm embrace, one final thought floating across her consciousness before she passed out.

_I am sorry, Ikari…_

**

"Is she alive??"

"She's unconscious," Maya's voice filled Touji's entry plug, sounding shaken and scared, "but yeah, she's alive, Touji."

Touji pursed his lips as his long range sensors displayed the hulking black shape heading his way.  "Hey," he said suddenly, "what about the pilot of this thing?  What's his story?  Asuka was about to say something… what's the deal?"

"The pilot has been ejected," Gendou's voice returned coolly, "you will meet after the recovery… provided you can win."

"Oh I can win, sir," Touji said grimly, narrowing his eyes and assessing the terrain around him for the best cover, "if there's no one in that thing, it's as good as dead."

"Excellent."

Touji frowned, disliking the pleased note in the commander's voice.  _No one should be that happy about losing a big, super-expensive robot,_ he thought warily, _maybe I'll ask Maya about it the next time we…_

"Fourth Child's heart rate is up," Hyouga announced suddenly, "you ok, Suzuhara?"

"Yeah, I'm good," Touji replied, trying not to smile as he thought of the brown-haired tech.  The feeling faded, however, as Hikari's openly honest smile popped up in his mind.

_Fuck,_ he thought, trying to focus on what he was doing, _fuck, fuck, fuck – why do I care??  She's fucking around with another girl for God's sake!  I'm not cheating on her, she's cheating on m-_

"Target is one minute from long range firing distance," Aoba's voice brought him back to reality, "no projectile weapons present… she's all yours, Suzuhara."

"Got it," Touji said firmly.  "Let's do this!"

The assault rifle Unit 01 was carrying that day was the exact twin of Unit 00's, and therefore had the same damage inflicting capabilities.  Unit 01, however, was positioned further away from the angel when it opened fire, and was thus able to fire a short burst into the creature before it was able to move out of the way, scoring solid, unmistakable contact and sending the angel to the ground in a cloud of dust and debris. 

Then everything went to hell.

"What is that?!" Touji cried, clapping his hands over his ears as a high-pitched keening flooded his entry plug, setting his teeth on edge and making him wish he was deaf.  The worst aspect of that sound, and the detail that would wake any sane person from a dead sleep, was its overlapping, dual nature… as if two people were crying out.

"I've got a biospike from the Fifth Child!" Maya shouted.  "She's alive and… oh Jesus – it's making her feel what it feels!  It's still synchronized!!"

**

There was a horrified silence on the command deck as the thirteenth angel's mournful scream faded away.

"C-commander?" Maya asked hesitantly, "What should we do?"

The look Gendou gave her nearly stopped her heart in her chest.  "There are no changes in our operational guidelines at this time," he said flatly.  "Proceed as ordered."

Before Maya could reply, Touji's voice boomed out of the overhead speakers.  "She's alive?" he asked slowly.  "_She's_ alive?  You've got a _girl_ trapped in there??"

"The angel is moving again," Hyouga said tensely, "MAGI confirm seventy percent of Unit 01's rounds hit, but cannot confirm any substantial damage."  He looked up from his terminal.  "It's trying to get behind Unit 01, sir."

"Complete your assignment," Gendou ordered, "destroy the target, pilot, before it destroys you."

Touji's voice was serious as he answered, "Fuck you."

"That's a direct order," Gendou said softly, ignoring the gasps of shock all around him, "obey it or you will be tried for treas-"

"I don't give a fuck!" Touji snapped.  "I'm not going to kill one of our own – and I sure as hell won't kill a _girl_!  What the fuck is wrong with you??"

"Target is closing," Hyouga reported, "it's staying low to the ground, but considering how fast it moved on Unit 00, it could attack any time."

"Activate the dummy plug system."

Maya's head whipped up.  "But sir," she protested, "Doctor Akagi hasn't approved its use yet!"

"It's better than the current pilot," Gendou sneered, "Do it now."

"Touji," Maya whispered, turning back to her keyboard, "I'm sorry…"

Closing her eyes and trying not to hear Touji cry 'Maya, what's he doing?  Maya??' she hit ENTER.

**

When he was younger, Touji used to visit his only surviving grandparent from time to time in the mountains of old Okinawa.  He never looked forward to these trips, as the old, rundown house always smelled of cats and unwashed clothes, but there were two saving graces to his grandmother's house – the pool, and the hot springs.  When his father would excuse him, Touji would spend hours in the pool playing with Kimiko, just splashing and playing and enjoying life.  His favorite thing, though, was to soak in the hot springs for five minutes until his body was warm and languid, then hop out and dive directly into the pool, reveling in the invigorating rush of comparatively freezing water washing over his skin.

The sensation of having his connection with Unit 01 cut, he decided, was like that… only instead of feeling invigorated, he felt horror washing over him instead.

"What the hell are you doing?!" he demanded, craning his head frantically as the lights in the entry plug switched to red.

"Dummy plug system coming online," Maya's voice reached him, sounding shaken and sick, "forty three percent of emotional elements cannot be read – we can't monitor it sir."

"Irrelevant," Gendou's cool voice returned, "engage the system.  Commence attack."

Touji's eyes widened.  "Aw fuck," he breathed, bracing himself as he spied the low, crouching form of Unit 03 scuttling towards him on all fours, rushing his position with uncanny speed and pouncing in the blink of an eye.

The impact was bone-jarring, but instead of being flung backwards, Touji found Unit 03 careening to the ground, clutching its face with both hands and uttering its unearthly cry as it struggled to regain its footing.

"Unit 01 hit it!" he heard Aoba cackle.  "Just nailed it right in the damn jaw!  Nice!!"

"Gain still increasing," Maya reported, her voice faint and disbelieving, "equivalent sync ratio currently… seventy percent."

Behind his folded hands… Gendou smiled.

"Target is moving," Aoba called out, "its coming in low – damn it!  It's got Unit 01 around the waist, it's trying to get it on the ground!"

_So fast!_ Touji thought, stunned by the speed the angel closed the distance between them.

"Give me the controls!" he demanded, spying the top of Unit 03's entry plug peeking up from the back of the infested machine.  "I can… I can save her!  Give me the contro-"

"You had your chance, Fourth Child," Gendou cut in coldly, "Lieutenant Ibuki, increase the system's threat level to ten."

"The… the maximum, sir?" Maya asked uncertainly.  "But… we didn't even _test_ that setting, sir!"

"Unit 01 is losing its balance!" Aoba cried.

"Now, Lieutenant."

"…yes sir."

Touji clenched his teeth as Unit 01 suddenly roared, an all-encompassing sound that seemed to shake the world with its rage.  "What have you done now…?" he gasped, unable to look away from the screen as Unit 01's gargantuan hands clasped together and hammered Unit 03 in the back of the head.

Again and again, the massive hammer fell on the black mecha's head, shoulders, and neck, each hit drawing another, sickeningly overlapped cry of pain.

"Unit 03 is pulling back," Aoba called out, "MAGI report cracks in its cranial armor."

The angel staggered back, howling in pain and rage, and readjusted its angle of attack, its hands whipping out and wrapping around Unit 01's neck.

"Look at those arms!" someone in the command room cried.  "Unit 03 shouldn't be able to do that!"

"It's not Unit 03," Fuyutsuki whispered, shaking his head as Unit 01 struggled in its adversary's grasp, "It's an angel."

Unit 01, it seemed, heard his comment, for at that very moment it reached up and grasped the rouge Unit's wrists.  Holding them tightly, it twisted to the side, pulling Unit 03 off balance and howling victoriously as the black machine stumbled and fell to one knee.

"Equivalent sync ratio at ninety-eight!" Maya gasped.

"Now we will see her real power," Gendou mused, watching intently as Unit 01 narrowed its eyes, "watch closely, my old friend… I think you're about to see our little Rei's rage unleashed."

Unseen beside him, Fututsyki shivered.

**

"Oh God," Touji whispered, horrified almost to the point of speechlessness as he tried futilely to pull on Unit 01's control yokes, "Oh God, oh God, oh God… someone make it stop – please, God make it _stop_!!"

It had all happened so fast – like a blur.  Unit 03 had fallen to its knees, Unit 01 had let out that nauseatingly human cry of triumph, Maya had announced that the system controlling Unit 01 was two sync points from being in total control… and the next thing Touji knew, Unit 03 was at 'his' feet, screeching in agony as Unit 01's fingers scrabbled and clutched at its chest plate, digging in with cruel, brutal ferocity and trying to tear it open.

And as far as Touji could see… it was succeeding.

"Make it _stop!!!_"

He pulled desperately on the control yokes, willing the great machine to pull back and let the wildly thrashing Unit 03 up, the vague hope that he could still get the entry plug out bouncing through his mind like a stray bullet.

His attempt was not successful.

"Target's left arm is separated," Aoba whispered, his eyes glued to the display as Unit 01 ravaged the angel.  "Right leg… left hand… God, chest plate is open…"

Maya covered her eyes as Unit 03 gave one last, abrupt cry.

"Target is silent."

"You got what you wanted," Touji shouted, feeling sweat break out all over his body as Unit 01 dug deeper and deeper into its opponent's chest.  "Call it off, god damn it!!"

"Biospike from Unit 03," Hyouga said grimly, "Mana's life signs are falling."  
  


It was like a nightmare.  

"Mana…?" Touji's lips barely moved.  "Did you just say Mana??"

"Entry plug is out!" Aoba called out.  "Sir…?"

In Touji's mind, he could see the brown-haired girl's mischievous grin and teasing, laughing eyes.  "NO!!"

With a sickening crunch, Unit 01 bore down on Unit 03's entry plug, crushing it in a split second.

When Touji's scream of horror reached her ears, Maya Ibuki did the only sensible thing a woman in her situation could do – she passed out.

Continued…

Author's notes:  Now before anyone asks 'are you going manga or anime fate for poor little Mana?' let me just say – wait and see!  Hahahahah  Oh stop your complaining… this chapter came much faster than the last one and was SEVERAL pages longer, so you have to be happy about that, right?  RIGHT??  Ingrates… -_-

Pre-read on this chapter was by Ryoma.  Thanks to him for that, and for promising not to tell anyone about the massive collection of Rei-centric hentai I have on my hard drive.  :P

Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com 


	6. Rage

Disclaimer: see part 1

Aoi

Part 6

Rage

By Random1377

((_HISS_))

"Get her out…_get her out!!_"

"How bad… dear _God!_"

"Is she alive?  Don't just stand there, get her out!"

"Ok… on three… one, two, _three_!"

"Is she even alive? God – her leg's _gone_… get a tourniquet on it before she bleeds out…"

"No breath sounds… no pulse…"

"Start compressions, get that LCL out of her…"

"One… two… three… come on, honey…"

"Give me the paddles and get that plugsuit off of her…"

((_SHRRRIP_))

"Plugsuit is clear…"

"Fourteen… Jesus Fucking Christ… fourteen years old… charge to twenty!  _CLEAR!_"

((_THUMP_))

"Nothing…"

"_DAMNIT!_ Charge to thirty… come on, honey… come back… _CLEAR!!_"

((_THUMP_))

"Still nothing… she's been down for ten minutes… you want to call it or should-"

"_NO!_ Give her epinephrine! Charge to fifty, damnit!"

"Eppy's in…"

"Come _ON!!!_"

"Charging…"

"_CLEAR!!_"

((_THUMP_))

"I've got a pulse!!"

"Thank you… God, thank you…"

**

In Unit 01's entry plug… Touji was seething.

"Where's the Commander!?" he demanded, pounding the control yokes with his fists.  "Where is that _bastard_!?!?"

He had killed someone.  He had killed _Mana_ – with his own hands.  He had not been terribly fond of the girl, and he would later admit that he had felt the briefest, tiniest hint of guilty satisfaction that the person who had gotten farther with his girlfriend than he had was in pain… he never – NEVER – in his _life_ would he have dreamed of hurting her _this_ badly.

And he would not tolerate being used.

"Fuck it."

"Unit 01 is on the move," Hyouga reported incredulously, his eyes widening as he scanned the data on his screen. "It's tearing free of the umbilical bridge."

"Clever," Gendou muttered softly, "he waited until he was within striking distance before making his move."

"Touji!" Maya begged, "Please… please don't do this!"

"You know I'm right, don't you?" Touji's voice replied, accompanied by the cacophonous sound of rending steel, "you know that fucker des-"

"Increase the LCL pressure in the entry plug to maximum, Lieutenant Ibuki," Gendou cut in smoothly.

There was a horrible silence in the command room.

"Maya?" Touji sounded confused, "What's going on?  Maya?  Come on!  You're with me, right?  After this afternoon… after what we did… come on, Maya!  Don't let this guy just do whatever he wants!  You're with me!  …right?"

Maya's fingers trembled as they hovered over the keys.  _If I don't, someone else will,_ she thought, trying to drown out the continued pleas of the young pilot, _but… but he's right, I can't-_

"Lieutenant Ibuki…" the Commander's voice was hard and full of warning.  "Now."

_If I don't, someone else will… or maybe… maybe they'll hurt him…_

"I'm sorry," Maya whispered in a daze, ignoring the stunned looks of the technicians all around her as her fingers slowly tapped the keyboard. "Touji…"

"Damn it!" Touji cried desperately, "Maya, we can-"

"I'm sorry."

Maya's forefinger slowly pressed the Enter key.

Touji cried out in pain as the LCL all around him abruptly bore down, slamming him back into his seat and forcing the air from his lungs.  "Damn… it," he managed, trying to make Unit 01 continue its path of destruction, "May…a…"

"P-pilot is losing consciousness," Aoba said shakily, "he's… he's out, sir."

"Reduce LCL pressure to normal and eject the entry plug, Lieutenant Ibuki," Gendou ordered quietly, "excellent work – you have fulfilled… _all_ of your duties exceedingly well."

Her face a brilliant shade of crimson, Maya entered the codes to decrease the pressure in Unit 01's plug, barely managing to whisper, "Thank you sir."

_Don't look at me like that;_ she thought desperately, trying to keep her attention on the control screen before her as Aoba and Hyouga regarded her with barely concealed disgust.  _Please… I… I was just doing what I was ordered to do!  And one of you would have done it if I hadn't, so STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!!_

As soon as her task was complete, Maya leaned forward and put her head in her hands, wishing she could be anywhere but there, but knowing she would be court-martialed if she left her post without permission during a Level 1 alert.

_Please stop… please…?_

Her mental cry went unheard as the bridge crew continued to stare at her with varying degrees of distaste and shock.

The rest of the day would prove to be very long for Maya.

**

With a resonating moan of pain, Mana struggled up from the depths of sleep, shaking from head to toe as the last remnants of her nightmare were finally banished by the harsh, clinical light of an unfamiliar ceiling.  "Wha…?"

Her mind registered several very… wrong details immediately.  First was the fact that her wrists seemed to be strapped firmly to the bed she was lying in, preventing her from doing more than twisting them in futile circles.  Second came the realization that there was someone else in the room with her, just out of sight, and that this someone else was breathing very, very hard – as if he or she had just run a thousand miles before collapsing on the hard linoleum floor.  

The third thing she became aware of, with a slowly growing sense of horror, was that she could not feel her right leg.

_Anesthetics,_ she thought, trying to raise her head far enough to see past the somehow endless expanse of white linen covering her body, _probably hurt it, and they had to… use painkillers… or something._

Somehow, this explanation rang as hollow as her hastily written apology to Touji.

"Touji," Mana gasped, struggling again as she remembered just _why_ she was in the hospital, "the angel!"

After several minutes of uselessly tugging at her bonds, she collapsed back onto the bed, panting nearly as hard as her mysterious roommate.  _Must have… won,_ she thought, feeling immensely tired, _God, what have I done.  When Hikari finds out what I put in that letter, she'll never want to-_

Her thoughts were cut off as the door to the room slid quietly open.

"Miss Kirishima."

Mana's blood ran cold.  "C-Commander Ikari," she whispered, her eyes widening as the man moved into view at the side of her bed, "why am I-"

"Spare me your attempt at innocence," Gendou cut in, waving a hand dismissively, "your cover was gone when your 'uncle' mailed you his first letter.  I would like to give your organization credit for their sophisticated encryption algorithms, but in all honesty, the MAGI had them decoded within five minutes."  He pursed his lips as the girl's eyes widened in fear.  "Don't worry, Miss Kirishima," he said dryly, "I have no plans of killing you."

Mana swallowed – half relieved, half confused – and whispered, "Then what are you going to do with me?"

To her very great discomfort, Gendou uttered a small, dark chuckle.  "Nothing," he said, assessing her calmly through his deeply tinted glasses, "I already have all of your communiqués, and by the end of the day, we will have in our possession anything of value from your organization.  So really, you are of no value to me."

"You're lying," Mana said, wishing her voice was not shaking so badly, "our headquarters is impervious, and so well hidden that-"

She cut herself off as the Commander reached into his pocket and pulled out a small swatch of cloth, holding it up in front of her eyes before dropping it on her chest.

It was her commanding officer's ID badge, looking as if it had been torn roughly from his uniform.

"As for your 'Trident,'" Gendou said quietly, "I'm afraid our engineers found nothing innovative or outstanding in its construction… but the metal _will_ be useful in rebuilding some of the infrastructure in the outlying suburbs."

Mana looked shell-shocked.  "No…"

Gendou pushed his glasses further up on the bridge of his nose.  "So the reason for my visit today," he said coolly, ignoring the girl's dazed expression, "is to let you know that once you are released, you are free to do what you please…" a faint, ironic smile appeared at the corners of his lips, "of course, as a personal recommendation, I would think staying in Tokyo-3 would be your best option, as your house in Okinawa was, unfortunately… not as structurally sound as the construction engineers had hoped."

"AHH!!!" Mana screamed as the underlying meaning of the man's statement hit home, and she redoubled her efforts to free herself as images of her father and younger brother filled her mind.  "I'll fucking kill you!!"

"Your judgment seems to have been affected by your painkillers," Gendou answered, his voice turning to ice as his smile fell away. "Perhaps I will have them discontinued for you… but even if you do – by some miraculous twist of fate – manage to 'fucking kill me,' as you so eloquently put it, remember this: everything that has come to pass is your own doing."  He nodded as Mana stopped thrashing.  "You have sown, Miss Kirishima," he whispered, turning to walk out the door, "now it is time to reap."

"Commander."

Gendou looked back over his shoulder as the girl called out to him.  "Hmm?"

Mana held her chin high, ignoring the tears running freely down her cheeks and blurring her vision as she kept eye contact with the man.  "I swear – no, I _promise_… that my face will be the last thing you see before you die."

If Gendou was intimidated by her declaration, he made no sign.  He simply offered her a brief nod before stepping out the door, leaving Mana alone with her pain, her failure, and that harsh, ragged breathing, just barely beyond her field of vision.

**

Touji did not look up as the door to his small, one-man cell slid quietly open, filling the darkness with dim, watery light.  Why bother raising his head when it was so fascinating to examine the marks the set of triple handcuffs made while digging into his flesh?  Surely there was nothing more fascinating than that!

"Hey idiot… wake up."

"What do _you_ want," Touji whispered sullenly, keeping his head down, "did you come to gloat or something?  Fucking bitch."

The redhead standing in the door snorted, folding her arms under her breasts and making her way into the cell.  "Heard you tried to spit on the Commander," she whispered, dropping onto the cot at his side and closing her eyes, "and here I thought you were just plain stupid – I never knew you were a complete shithead."

"Yeah, well, ya learn something new every day," Touji grumbled, "now get out… I've got things to do."

"Right," Asuka whispered, leaning her head back on the cell wall and ignoring his demand.  "I also heard that you're still on the pilot roster."

Touji gritted his teeth, resigning himself to the fact that the girl was not leaving anytime soon.  "Yeah, so what?"

There was a long, deep silence before Asuka murmured, "Did he use your sister?  That was the only thing I could think of."

"Don't start, Souryu!" Touji snapped, "I've had a bad fucking day, alright!?"

Asuka nodded, keeping her eyes closed.  "Yeah, about fucking," she said calmly, "I guess you should know that it's all over headquarters – about you and Miss Ibuki, I mean."

"Get _OUT!!!_" Touji roared, rising to his feet and glaring down at the girl.  "I mean it – get out now, or I'm gonna fu-"

"Kirishima's alive."

Touji bit his tongue.  "She… she is…?"

Asuka nodded again, finally opening her eyes and meeting his gaze.  "So are Misato and Doctor Akagi.  Of course, Misato's in the hospital – same room as Mana, actually – but she's alive."

"How…?" Touji mumbled, unable to comprehend anything surviving the explosion that was described to them.

"I guess she pushed Doctor Akagi behind a blast door or something like that," Asuka shrugged, "she got off with a broken arm from some debris falling on her, and Doctor Akagi came out of it with a few scrapes and cuts… lucky bitch."

Touji looked confused.  "Why is she in the hospital if she just has a broken arm?  Don't they just put a cast on it and send you home?"

Asuka shook her head, a wry smile lighting her face as she explained, "Well, I guess that little knife wound in her chest got infected.  The doctor had her on some pretty heavy antibiotics, but she wasn't taking them like she should, and she was working almost seventeen hours a day, so her body just… went on strike.  I heard that when they found her, she had a temperature of 105.6."

"God damn…"

"Last I heard," Asuka put her arms over her head and stretched, "the doctors were giving her megadoses of Augmenten to try to kill the infection before it eats her lung.  Pretty fucked up, huh?"

Touji nodded dumbly.  "W-what about…" he had to swallow before completing the question, "Mana?"

Asuka rose to her feet, sneaking a glance at her watch before whispering, "Well, she's got some bruises, a few broken fingers, a couple cracked ribs… and her right leg is gone."

"Christ."

Touji sat down hard on the cell's concrete floor, all of the strength leaving his legs as he tried to imagine something as horrible as losing an entire limb.  _She… she had it coming,_ he thought, trying to rationalize what had happened… but finding it nearly impossible.__

He averted his gaze as Asuka crouched down in front of him, her hands dangling loosely between her knees.  "I only saw her for a second when I went to check on Misato," she said quietly, "she looked like she'd been crying, and she didn't answer when I tried to talk to her, so I left her alone."

"Y-yeah," Touji managed, no longer feeling the least bit confrontational as he considered just how bad the girl had been harmed.

_No one deserves that,_ he thought, feeling quite ill, _hell, even after what she did with Hikari… I wouldn't wish that on anyone.  God, she must have been so scared…_

"So," Asuka said, breaking the silence that had fallen, "I was thinking…"

Touji raised his head, looking questioningly into her sky-blue eyes.  "Hmm?"

Asuka considered him for a moment, unconsciously rocking back and forth on her heels.  "I was thinking that our last battle strategy totally sucked ass, right?" she waited for the boy to give a hesitant nod, leaning a bit forward and lowering her voice as she whispered, "So here's what I propose… you and me – we know how to fight, right?  We're out there fighting these things every single time and trusting our lives to idiots who can only fight on paper, so…" she lowered her voice even further, "I say next time, we fight the way _we_ want to."

"What do you mean?" Touji asked uneasily.  "Like we come up with the strategy or what?"

"Yeah, kind of," Asuka nodded, "but more like… if they tell us to do something stupid like retreat or let the army handle it, we ignore that shit and find our own way to win."  Abruptly, she leaned forward, stopping inches from his face and dropping her voice so low he almost could not hear her.  "I'm saying – when we're in EVA – I want you to stop fighting me and fight _with_ me… all the way… without holding back… until all those fuckers are dead.  Are you with me?"

Touji stared into her eyes, wetting his lips nervously as he recognized an unmistakable glint of madness in their azure depths.  "I'm with you," he said finally, half-surprised to hear the words come out of his mouth.  "As long as we're in EVA… I'm with you."

"Good," Asuka nodded firmly, pushing on her knees and shooting to her feet, "because I still think you're a dick."

What Touji thought of Asuka (a most foul name, starting with a C) was lost in the din of the pulsing angel alarm.

**

"Status update!!"

Aoba looked up, opening his mouth to reply, but doing a double-take as he found Doctor Akagi striding onto the command deck, buttoning the top button of her white blouse as she went.

Noticing his look, Ritsuko's expression darkened.  "I was in the crew showers," she snapped, proud that her voice actually stayed level, "Give me a damn status update!"

"Umm, angel is already within fifty miles," Aoba said, trying to regain his composure, and ignoring the nagging voice in his mind that kept trying to point out that that the woman's hair was perfectly dry.  "None of the tracking facilities ever detected it."

"Pilot update," Ritsuko demanded, folding her arms under her breasts. "Maya," she said sharply, "pilot update!"

Maya jumped, shaking her head as if to clear it before leaning over her terminal.  "Asuka and Touji are on their way to the cages," she reported, carefully avoiding eye contact with the other techs, "they've… they were delayed on the way because they had to get Touji's cuffs off.  ETA is three minutes."  Taking a steadying breath she continued, "Rei is… is with Unit 00, ma'am, but she says her ar-"

"Send her."

All eyes flew to the command dais.  "C-commander?" Maya asked uncertainly.

"There is no time to delay," Gendou said smoothly, taking his seat and folding his hands in front of him with a barely perceptible glance at Ritsuko.  "Launch Unit 00 immediately, position it within the Geofront, arm it with a rifle, and have it prepared to defend until Units 02 and 01 arrive."

"Are you sure that's wise, Commander?" Ritsuko asked, coolly arching an eyebrow, "her psychograph since the last angel has been slightly errat-"

"Lieutenant," cut the blonde off, "why haven't you launched Unit 00 yet?"

Ashen-faced, Maya turned her eyes to her terminal.  "Launching, sir."

Ritsuko turned her attention back to the main screen, the barest hint of a smile gracing her features as the display showed Evangelion Unit 00 moving towards one of the launch catapults.  _Not the favorite anymore, are you, you little whore?_

"Unit 02, prepared for launch."

"Umm… Asuka?" Maya asked, sounding very confused, "how did you get there so fa-"

"What are you, stupid?" Asuka cut in, "I ran all the way here."

"What about Touji?"

There was a long, cold silence.  "Don't worry about your little boyfriend," Asuka muttered darkly, "he's on his way.  Did you think I would wait for him when there's an angel on the way?  You really _must_ be stupid."

Instead of replying, Maya murmured, "Halting Unit 00's launch and preparing Unit 02 for immediate combat."

"No," Gendou said flatly, "you're not."

Maya looked up.  "But… but sir," she protested, "Unit 00's arm-"

"The angel is nearly here, Lieutenant," Ritsuko cut in, unable to hide the triumphant tone in her voice, "follow your orders."

When Maya simply stared, Gendou turned to Hyouga.  "Launch 00, then 02," he said firmly, "all Units are to take the field."

"Yes sir," Hyouga said crisply, shooting Maya a disapproving look from the corner of his eyes as he took over her duties.

As Unit 00 launched, and Unit 02 moved into position… Maya simply hung her head, her entire body shaking as she was cut neatly, entirely, out of the loop.

**

Rei sat placidly in Unit 00's cockpit, waiting for the angel to breach the Geofront and allow her the opportunity to attack.  She turned her head to the right, surveying the battlefield.  Unit 01 had not arrived yet, but Unit 02 stood at her side, near enough to reach the pile of assorted weaponry Doctor Akagi had sent them, but far enough away to avoid being a target of a wide-range explosive – just in case the angel had such a weapon.

_I hope you are well, Maj- Misato…_

Rei frowned faintly, flexing her left arm unconsciously as she thought of the purple-haired woman.  She had not had the opportunity to visit the hospital wing, as she had been forced to undergo a psychographic update immediately following the angel attack, but she had read reports that the woman was listed as being in 'fair' condition.  Having been in fair condition herself on a number of occasions, Rei did not envy the woman the pain she was no doubt in.

_At least she is alive,_ she thought pragmatically, flexing her hand once more as she pondered the time she had spent with the woman lately.  _And we still have not had the chance to have dinner together, so-_

"The angel's nearly here," Ritsuko's voice cut into her thoughts, "I want you two coordinating your attacks, understood?"

"Yes ma'am," Rei whispered, shaking her left hand to rid it of the pins-and-needles feeling that was settling into it.

"Yeah sure," Asuka snorted, "but you might as well send her back in… I can handle this piece of sh-"

"Not in the mood for your attitude," Ritsuko said, her voice brittle, "so far this thing has been able to punch through eighteen layers of protective armor in one shot… make one mistake up there, and you're fucked."

"Fucked," Asuka echoed, grinning broadly, "like Miss Ibu-"

"Enough!" Ritsuko snapped, "Concentrate on the fight, god damn it!"

"The angel…"

The com system went silent at Rei's whisper.

"The angel… is here."

**

Rubbing at his wrists, Touji tried to get more comfortable in his pilot's seat.  "What's taking so long?!" he demanded, anxious to vent some of his frustrations on the angel stupid enough to come calling after the 24 hours he'd had.

"Hold your horses," Hyouga replied tensely, "we'll get you there."

"Not fast enough," Touji grumbled, "Hey, is Maya up there?"

There was a moment of silence.  "Yeah," Hyouga answered slowly, his voice heavy with contempt, "she's here."

"Do me a favor?"

"What's that?"

Touji's lip pulled away from his teeth.  "_Don't_ put her on…"

_Backstabbing bitch, _he thought angrily, gripping the controls of Unit 01 tightly as the huge machine moved towards the catapult, _I thought I could trust her.  Man – women really ARE all the same… one goes off and fucks her best friend – but it's no big deal – and the other fucks me because it's her job!  Un-fucking-believable!  _

"The angel is coming through!"

Touji braced himself as Unit 01 shuddered to a halt, tensing himself for the upcoming battle and pushing thoughts of his betrayals out of his mind.

"Unit 01," Hyouga called out suddenly, "launch!  Angel has breached the Geofront and is moving into attack position – prepare for IMMEDIATE combat!"

"Just let me at it!"

**

The first thing Asuka thought when the angel's head punched through the Geofront was, _Holy shit that thing's ugly._  Closely followed by this thought was, _Holy shit I'm gonna fuck that thing UP!!_

"Unit 02! Unit 00! Commence saturation!"

"Oh yeah!!"

She willed Unit 02 to pull the triggers on the paired rifles clutched in its huge hands, dimly aware of a third stream of fire arcing in from her left, where Unit 00 was standing just slightly behind her.  _Should just turn around,_ Asuka thought absently, cursing under her breath as her rifles ran dry and she willed Unit 02 to grab another pair, _make it look like an accident.  'Oh no!  I slipped!' something like that.  Or I could just let the stupid ANGEL have her… but there's no way I could cover that up._

"Unit 02," Rei's cool voice called, "expand your field… the angel does not seem to be taking any dama-"

"I AM expanding my field, you stupid bitch!!" Asuka shouted, dropping the now-empty rifles and grabbing a pair of rocket launchers from the pile.  "Damn it!  Why won't you FALL!?"

The angel stood in the middle of the Geofront, squat, wide, and looking as if it was not even aware of the firepower the two Evangelions were throwing at it.  Its enormous, vacant eyes turned from Unit 00 to Unit 02, as if trying to decide which posed the most threat, and after a moment of contemplation, two paper-like 'arms' unfolded from the small nubs where its shoulders should have been.

"What's that?" Asuka muttered, leaning forward in her seat as the angel focused its attention on her, but keeping her fingers firmly on the triggers – just in case.

"GET DOWN!!"

"Whuff!"

The LCL left Asuka's lungs in a rush as something heavy smashed into Unit 02's back, dashing her to the ground an instant before the angel's papery arms whipped out, connecting sharply with the fins atop her EVA's shoulders… and slicing neatly through them, sending them spinning through the air in either direction.

"Move," Touji's voice shouted, "move, move, move!  It's going to-"

Asuka cried out as a bolt of pain smashed into her back, leaving her breathless.

"Unit 01 is down," Hyouga called out over the tac-net, "it took the angel's shot directly to the chest.  Pilot is conscious, and system is still online.  Assessing damage.  Touji!  Get up!"

"Unit 02 has lost its umbilical cable," Aoba announced smoothly, "Unit 00… unharmed, but out of ammo.  The angel has sustained no visible damage, and is advancing on Unit 00.  Doctor Akagi…?"

"Pull them back," Ritsuko said through clenched teeth, "Unit 01 by route 105, Unit 02 by route 4, and Unit 00 by route 88 – I need time to figure this out.  Damn it, if we just had time to get the positron rifles ready!!"

"NO!"

All eyes flew to the screen as Unit 02 scrambled to its feet and grabbed another pair of rocket launchers.  "Asuka," Ritsuko gritted her teeth, "Fall back!  You're not hurting it!"

"Fuck you," Asuka snapped, bringing the rocket launchers to bear.  "Touji!  Get up!  When I count to three, give me a full spread on your AT fie-"

"High energy reading coming from the angel!" Aoba shouted, "It's firing again."

Asuka braced herself in Unit 02, but it was no good – the angel's blast caught the red mecha dead on, sending it crashing to its knees as the pilot within tried desperately to focus on keeping her AT field intact.  "T-Touji," Asuka gasped, willing Unit 02 to stand, "c-come at it from the right, and-"

"Again!" Hyouga cried, "the angel's firing again."

"Ahh!"

Asuka could not hold her scream in as the angel's eyes flared… and pain smashed into her chest with the force of a sledgehammer.  "Tou… ji…" she managed, "come… on…"

Through the haze of pain, she could hear disjointed voices coming to her.

"Unit 01 shows damage to left leg actuators – movement down forty percent.  He's having trouble standing-"

"Angel is building power again – I don't know how much more Unit 02 can-"

"Unit 00 is cut off from the weapons – Unit 02 is in the-"

"Oh god – the Angel is-"

Asuka's back arched as the greatest pain she had ever endured washed over her.  "M-make it s-stop!" she begged, her hands shaking as she tried to make Unit 02 move away from the now-constant beam of energy the angel was pouring into it.  "SOMEONE MAKE IT STOP!!"

"Unit 02 is down to three and half minutes of power," a voice announced from somewhere far away, "her AT field is starting to give!  Unit 01 is still down, and Unit 00 has no offensive capabilities.  Doctor, what should-" 

"Abnormal AT field reading in Unit 00!!  Contact with the plug is _gone_!"

Asuka gasped, slumping forward in her seat as the pain was abruptly taken away.  She blinked tears of agony from her eyes and looked around, trying to understand what was happening.  "Wonder… girl…?"  Kneeling at her right side, Unit 00 appeared to Asuka as nothing less than a painstakingly carved statue.  Nothing so much as twitched on the blue machine as it knelt silently next to her, its head bowed as if in prayer and its remaining hand hanging limply at its side.  "What's happening?"

"Pin it down!" she heard Ritsuko's voice calling desperately, "Identify that damn field, and get me in touch with Rei NOW!!"

"MAGI report on the field: inconclusive," came Hyouga's reply, "pattern is… no, I can't even lock that – it keeps fluctuating from blue to orange.  This doesn't make sense!!  The angel's not letting up, ma'am – it's still firing."

"Keep recording!" Ritsuko ordered, "Unit 01 – get the hell up!!"

"I am!" Touji's angry reply echoed over the tac-net, "Just have to… there!"

"Unit 01 is upright," Aoba announced, "progressive knife engaged."

"What do you think you're going to do with that??" Ritsuko asked incredulously.

"Do you have a better idea!?"  Touji shouted.  "Unit 01, engaging!"

Unit 01 staggered forward, gaining momentum as it charged the angel.  _Come on,_ Touji thought, bracing himself as he closed on the giant enemy, _come on and die, you fucker!_

"Now!!"

With a desperate cry, Touji willed Unit 01 to lunge forward, bringing the progressive knife down straight at the angel's core, but the blade simply shattered as a shutter-like pair of heavy metal doors snapped closed over the core a second before it was hit.  Time stood still as Touji stared in disbelief at the ruined knife, his mouth gaping wide open as his overworked mind tried to make sense of what he was seeing.

"_Watch out_!!"

Instinct took over, and Touji willed Unit 01 to fall backward, barely avoiding losing his head as the angel's arm whipped out, connecting with Unit 01's wrist.  Pain flared in his mind as his right hand vanished from his senses. "Gahh!!" he gasped, unprepared for the agony that flooded his mind.

"Unit 01 is down again," Aoba called out, "left leg functionality is down another seven perce-"

"Bio-signs from Unit 00 falling!"

Asuka frowned.  _Maybe I'm getting my wish,_ she thought grimly, forcing Unit 02 to its feet and stealing a glance at the time-remaining readout.  _How ironic._

"Eject the plug," Ritsuko ordered, "prepare to increase life support to the pil-"

"NO!  Bio-signs FROM Unit 00 are falling – I've got system failure across the board!"

"Rei!" Ritsuko screamed, feeling sweat starting to run all over her body, "what's happening in there?  REI??"

"No good," Aoba shook his head, "I can't reestablish contact.  Unit 00 is in distress, ma'am… MAGI calculate six minutes until total shutdown."

"Asuka!" Ritsuko called desperately, planting her hands on the console in front of her and speaking directly into the microphone. "In six minutes, Unit 00 – SHINJI – is going to die… are you going to let that happen?!"

Stunned silence filled the command room, broken only by the occasional blip or ping from the computer terminals all around.  Half of the bridge crew stared at Ritsuko with open shock, while the other half stared at the small square on the screen marked 'feed from Unit 02,' where Asuka could be seen staring down at her lap, her long red hair obscuring her face as she considered the Project E director's words.

Abruptly, the square vanished from the main screen.

"Unit 02 is moving, Doctor Akagi."

Ritsuko wiped sweat from her brow as Unit 02 lurched forward.  _God forgive me,_ she thought grimly.  _I'm making her save the one person in the world she hates more than anything else._  She shook her head wryly.  _Maybe I should be saying God SAVE me… because I think I just put myself on Asuka's hit list._

There were several gasps of shock as Unit 02 crouched just inside the protective sphere of Unit 00's AT field… and exploded upward and out, leaping with awkward grace and power and crashing down on the unsuspecting angel, its knees digging into the angel's shoulders and knocking it back half a kilometer.

"Angel has ceased fire," Aoba called out rapidly as the two giants grappled, "Unit 00 is stabilizing, but still in danger.  No contact, no movement, AT field falling to nominal levels.  Unit 01 is unable to stand, maintaining AT field to assist, and Unit 02 is still moving – sync ratio is…falling??"

Ritsuko grimaced.  "Keep monitoring," she whispered flatly, "don't skip _anything_ Lieutenant."

"Y-yes ma'am."

Ritsuko looked up on the screen, where Unit 02 was circling around behind the slow-moving angel.  _Yes, let's not skip anything,_ she thought tiredly, _we want to be able to help her any way we can._

**

Asuka was beyond the point of hearing or speaking.  Sounds still reached her, and her lungs and throat still worked just fine… but her cognitive abilities were almost zero, and the only noises coming from her chest were low and guttural – base, animalistic growls, the sounds of a lion closing in for the kill.

Or, more appropriately, a lioness protecting her den.

_Enemy,_ the word flashed through her rage-clouded mind as she easily sidestepped the angel's hasty counterattack.  _Enemy… enemy… ENEMY!!_

"Oh my GOD!  Look at that!!"

Asuka's lips pulled back from her teeth as she dropped to all fours and charged.  _Kill it,_ she thought, snarling under her breath as she bounded forward, _kill the enemy… make it bleed… make it hurt… KILL… IT…_

Had she been able to observe Unit 02's actions from outside, Asuka might have been shocked by its feral, low-slung approach.  She might have argued that there was no way _she_ could have been piloting the red mecha as it skittered, spider-like, around behind the angel.  She would have been appalled at the very _idea_ that she was the one that made it pounce on the angel's back… and she definitely would have shaken her head an laughed had someone suggested that she was the one making Unit 02 dig its fingers deeply into the angel's shoulders and ram its head repeatedly into the top of the angel's skull.

Had she been able to observe Unit 02's actions from outside…

But Asuka was inside, and all she knew was that someone (it no longer registered just who anymore) was in danger, and that this _thing_ – this _enemy_ – was the one responsible.

"Asuka!  What are you-"

Asuka ignored the annoying sounds assailing her from the Unit's interior speakers.  _Make you hurt,_ she thought rabidly, willing her jaws to open, _make you bleed… hurt you… hurt you… HATE YOU!!_

"The angel is firing blind," one of the annoying, gnat-like voices announced, sounding very ill, "and… and Unit 02 is… is… I'm gonna be sick!"

A gruesome smile lit Asuka's face as she felt warm heat rush past her lips.  She spat, ejecting the chunk of tissue from Unit 02's mouth and leaning forward to seize another, oblivious to the thrashing of the enemy clutched tightly in her hands and pinned by her EVA's weight.

_Yes – hurt!_ she thought triumphantly, forcing her fingers to dig deeper, seeking the enemy's heart, _Hurt!  You… must… HURT!!_

As more and more of the angel's flesh was stripped away by Unit 02's teeth and hands, a spark of horrified consciousness tried to surface in Asuka's mind… but she forced it back down, refusing to feel anything but rage.  Rage was easy.  Rage was simple.  Rage would allow her to fight, to win, to KILL. Rage would not let her down, because rage was a close, close friend – one she had known all of her life.  Rage had always been there, boiling just under the surface, waiting only for her to let herself go and embrace it.

And embrace it she did.

"RAAAAHH!!"

"Angel has gone silent," one of the voices from far away murmured, "it… Unit 02 just tore out its core, Doctor Akagi."

"How… how much time before she runs out of power?" came the shaken response.

"…she's forty seconds past operational limits."

**

"Well," Fututsuki said, his voice shaking as Unit 02 crushed the angel's core between its palms, throwing its head back and uttering a howl of victory, "how does _this_ fit into your scenario?"

Gendou shook his head imperceptibly.  "Scenario?" he muttered coolly, nodding to the main screen as Unit 02 continued to tear at the angel's remains for a moment before finally falling gracelessly to the ground.  "There hasn't been a scenario since _it_ happened."

"You mean-"

"Yes," Gendou cut in, rising to his feet as an eerie silence fell over the command deck, "the prophecies are void.  We're flying blind."

Fuyutsuki paled as his former student made his way from the bridge.  "I see…"

Continued…

Author's notes: wow that was harder to write than I thought.  The fight scene gave me a lot of trouble for some reason – I just couldn't picture how I wanted it to go down!  …then I had the image of Unit 02's fingers digging into the angel, and it all fell into place.  The next chapter will be a little lighter on the bloodshed, I think, but don't worry; I've got a couple events planned that SHOULD match the intensity of this chapter.  Or, you know, at least provide a couple minutes of mild entertainment. ^_^

Pre-read on this chapter was done by Ryoma, who said, 'Whoa!  I don't know why, but somehow… Enraged Asuka makes me kinda hot!!'  Yeah man… me too. -_-

Feedback is welcome on any site with reviewing capabilities or by e-mailing me directly at random1377@yahoo.com 


	7. Honoring the Dead

Disclaimer: see part 1

Aoi

Part 7

Honoring the Dead

By Random1377

Absently rubbing at the bandages on her ribcage, Misato paced back and forth in the Pribnow Box, casting dirty looks towards the door, which had thus far failed to cause it to open. "Where IS she?!" the purple-haired woman snapped finally, making Maya flinch.

"It's not…"

Misato rounded on the younger woman as she trailed off. "Not what, Lieutenant?!" she demanded archly.

Maya swallowed, opening her mouth to answer, but faltering as her eyes caught Touji's. "Not t-time yet," she managed, blushing as the young man cast her a vicious stare and turned his head abruptly away, choosing instead to study the wall next to the spot Rei was leaning against as if it was more interesting than an action movie.

Catching the woman's quickly concealed look of misery, Misato lightened her tone. "Hey," she said, dropping a hand on the tech's shoulder and dropping her voice to a whisper, "not everyone believes what Hyouga and Aoba are saying, alright?"

Her shoulders slumping, Maya barely whispered, "Thank you, ma'am… but it's more complicated than you think…"

Life for the poor technician over the past week had been nothing short of hell. Word of what Touji – and the Commander – had said on the bridge spread like wildfire, and before she could even breathe, the word that Maya Ibuki would do anything to keep her job was all over the complex.

So far, no one had said anything offensive to her face… but upon arriving at work on the third day after the battle with the angel, she had found 'pedophile' written in permanent marker on the door to her office.

Once she had managed to stop crying, she had called maintenance… but for some reason they happened to be out of the proper cleaner that day, and informed her (oh so politely) that they should have more in just a day or two.

That was on Thursday.

Today was Monday.

The graffiti was still there.

_I deserve this;_ she thought glumly, _I must, somehow. Why did I do it? It was sexy – oh yeah, it was sexy as hell! I've never had anyone be that forceful, and I- OW!_

"OW!! Major, your… your hand!"

Maya tried to pull away as Misato's fingers suddenly dug into her skin, but the older woman only squeezed harder, her lip pulling back from her teeth in a vicious snarl as she stared at something on the other side of the room.

"Major – please! You're… you're hurting m-"

"Take it off. NOW!"

Mercifully, the Operations Director released Maya's shoulder, leaving the woman gasping in pain. Rubbing her bruised skin, the tech swiveled her chair around to see what had set the older woman off… and she could not suppress the gasp that rose to her lips as she found Asuka stepping calmly into the room.

_Oh… God…_

"Good afternoon," the Second Child said casually, acting as if nothing in the world was wrong. "Are we going to do this, or what?"

Maya, Rei, and Touji just stared… but Misato went dead pale, her hands shaking at her sides as she repeated, "Take it… off…"

"Mmm, no," Asuka said thoughtfully, putting her hands on her hips. "I'll be wearing it from now on. Get used to it."

"Y-your hair," was all Maya could think to say. "Asuka… your hair…"

Slowly, the redhead brought her right hand up, absently brushing a strand of VERY short, obviously self-cut hair over her ear, the whisper of cream-colored neoprene sounding harsh in the quiet of the room as the plugsuit – clearly marked with the number 01 – brushed against itself.

_She… she even has his neural connectors…_

Head to toe – with the exception of her hair color – Asuka was the spitting image of Shinji Ikari.

"I swear to GOD," Misato rasped, her voice shaking almost as badly as her hands. "I swear to God if you don't take that plugsuit off right now I'll tear it off you."

A muscle in Asuka's cheek twitched. "I would LOVE… to see you try," she whispered, letting her arms dangle loosely by her sides and staring defiantly at her commanding officer.

Sensing that far more than words were about to start flying, Maya shot to her feet and put a hand on Misato's forearm, flinching back as the woman rounded on her, her fist clenched tightly as it came halfway up. "M-Major," the tech stammered, licking her lips as the older woman's nostrils flared with rage, "please… let it-"

"Let it go?" Misato cut in coldly, forcing her hand to open as she averted her eyes. "Did he mean that little to you, Ibuki? Look at her – that little slut is… is…"

"Please," Maya whispered as the other woman fumbled for words, "this is her way of dealing with it – you can understand that, can't you? We… we all miss him just as much as you do. This is just Asuka's way of showing it."

Closing her eyes, Misato dropped into the seat next to Maya's. "Get the synch test over with," she said hollowly, "I don't care if Ritsuko's not here yet, just get it over with…"

Maya nodded, awkwardly patting the operations director on the shoulder.

"Yes, ma'am…"

- - - - -

((_ring_))

((_click_))

"Yes?"

"It's me."

"Yes, I know. What do you need?"

"I… want your permission to initiate protocol L."

"…denied."

"But… but I really think we-"

"I said no, doctor. End of discussion."

((_click_))

"I… ok…"

- - - - -

Kaji yawned, scratching his stomach as he made his way towards his front door. _This better be damn good,_ he thought tiredly, checking his watch a fourth time and confirming that it WAS, in fact, nearly one in the morning. _What a long goddamn day,_ he thought, grabbing a tee shirt off the back of the lone chair in his living room. _First that crap with Asuka… then Katsuragi just leaves in the middle of her shift… and now Ibuki-_

His thoughts were interrupted as the doorbell sounded once more. "Alright, alright," he grumbled, "I'm coming! Jeez, just wait a damn… minute…"

"H-hi…"

"Asuka," Kaji blinked in surprise, staring down at the last person in the world he expected to be knocking on his door at that hour of the night. "I umm, I didn't know you knew where I live."

"I… had to ask someone," Asuka admitted, wringing her hands in front of her, "but I wanted to see you."

"Ok, what-"

"Please help me," Asuka blurted, flinching at the look of shock on the man's face. "I can't-" she cut herself off, flicking her hands in front of her in distress, "I can't… stop moving." She took a deep breath, running her right hand through her short hair. "What do you do?" she whispered, clenching her eyes tightly closed, "what do you do when you realize that there's only one person – one… single person in the whole world that's meant for you, and that person is… is gone?"

Kaji was at a loss for words. "I-"

"Please… help… me…" Asuka cut in, speaking deliberately slowly, "all I can think about – all I can see in my mind when I close my eyes… is him."

Kaji drew a sharp breath. "Asuka," he said carefully, "maybe it would help if we went to see a professional…?"

Asuka shook her head, flicking her hands again and uttering a short, uneven laugh. "I'm not crazy," she said, smiling ironically, "God I wish I was – it would be so much easier. I just… I need some help, that's all, just… some help." She took a step closer, reaching out with shaking hands and sighing as she cupped Kaji's face in her palms. "Just… help me forget for awhile… please."

Kaji knew what was coming. He was not a stupid man, and Asuka was not trying in the slightest to be subtle, but he still felt himself freeze as the redhead drew his lips down to hers.

Her body was shaking and frail, and so very weak – the very definition of the prey creature in the clutches of the predator… and for a moment, Kaji fulfilled his role. He slipped his hands under her rear and boosted her carefully into the air, cradling her thin frame against him as she trembled, melting into his arms and wrapping her legs around his waist.

They kissed for over a minute without stopping, Asuka trying desperately to forget the face of the boy she used to know, Kaji doing his best to be everything she needed him to be.

It was a minute of possibility and suspended conceptions, devoid of pain and sadness, and in that minute, both were free.

But it was only a minute.

"K-Kaji," Asuka gasped, blinking back tears as the kiss broke, "take me inside…"

Slowly, Kaji lowered her to the floor, making sure that her unsteady legs would hold her before letting her go. "I can't."

Asuka's face crumpled. "Please…?" she whispered, unable to formulate more compelling words.

She closed her eyes as Kaji leaned down and planted a soft kiss on the corner of her mouth. "I can't," he repeated gently, "not now – not like this."

"When?" Asuka countered immediately.

Slowly, Kaji reached out, caressing her face with his fingertips. "When the angels are gone," he lied soothingly, "you come back here and we'll do the rest, ok?"

Asuka kept her eyes closed as he touched her face. "Promise?" she whispered, too tired and beaten to fight anymore.

Kaji had to wait until the lump in his throat loosened before saying, "Yeah, I promise."

"Kiss me one more time?" Asuka asked hopefully, opening her eyes and looking up into his face.

With the first of her tears rolling from her cheek onto his fingertips, Kaji found that he could not say no.

- - - - -

Misato stretched her arms up over her head, letting out a long, deep sigh of satisfaction. "Mmmm that was good," she yawned, "was it good for you?"

Glancing up from her hand, which she had been staring at for some time, Rei nodded. "Yes," she agreed simply, "it was very good."

"We'll have to do this more often."

"Yes."

Quickly getting tired of the pseudo-sexual wordplay, Misato rose to her feet. "I'll take care of the dishes," she said easily, "why don't you go into the living room? We should let our food settle before I take you home."

Smiling to herself, Misato watched the First Child disappear into the other room, shaking her head at how easily the girl did what she was told. _Too bad Asuka's not like that,_ she mused. _Shinji was almost as…_

The thought trailed off, the plate in her hand nearly falling to the floor as an unwelcome image of the deceased pilot flashed through her mind.

"Stop it," she hissed to herself, shoving the dishes into the already overflowing sink with nearly brutal force, "get out of my goddamned mind – you're dead, damn it… I'm not. Leave me alone and let me move on!"

Taking a breath to calm herself, Misato glanced around the messy kitchen, trying not to be overcome by how bad things looked. Shinji would never have let it get to this state, of course. He would have cleaned things WELL before the mess reached such epic proportions.

_Asuka doesn't care,_ she thought bitterly, rage flaring white-hot in her gut before she managed to quell it, _I can't believe the nerve of that little whore! Fuck what Maya says – that girl's going to pay for pissing all over his memory._ She closed her eyes. _Think about it later… just think about it later… just think about Rei right now…_

She smiled faintly.

Dinner with Rei had been an impulsive idea, she knew, but the First had looked so… interesting that Misato had not considered her own motivations for more than a few moments before inviting the girl over for takeout. They had eaten in relative silence, with the only real sounds being the click of chopsticks and the occasional tink of Misato's wineglass as she set it back on the table.

Beer just seemed too commonplace for a nice relaxing evening.

Abruptly, she turned on her heel, grabbing her glass and striding into the living room to find Rei glancing around with a look of absent interest, her right hand flexing and unflexing at her side… just like Shinji's.

Misato sat on the couch, folding her legs under her and setting her wineglass on the small table to her right. "Sit down," she invited, gesturing to the spot next to her.

Rei nodded, crossing over and settling in next to her superior.

Neither spoke as Misato clicked on the TV, selecting a random sitcom and dropping the remote next to her on the couch. They watched for several minutes in silence – Misato taking small sips of her wine and Rei simply sitting still – until the quiet grew too much for Misato.

"Would you like a drink, Rei?" she asked lightly, polishing off her glass of wine.

"No, I am fine," Rei replied, looking from the TV to Misato's face, then back again.

"Suit yourself," Misato said, trying to sound cool as she stood up and took her glass into the kitchen for a refill.

_What am I doing?_ She thought, filling her glass halfway… then draining it in one gulp before filling it to the top once more. _What… am… I… doing…?_

Rei glanced up once more as Misato came back into the room, a light flush on her cheeks as she set her half-full glass on the table and lowered herself to the couch once more. "Long day, huh?" she asked, absently running her hand over her finally-healed wound.

The First Child nodded, saying nothing as Misato turned on the couch and tentatively reached out, playing idly with Rei's hair as she reclined on the couch, resting her head on her free hand.

"Your hair is so soft," Misato mused, gently running her fingers through the girl's blue locks as the flush on her cheeks grew. "It's like silk… God, I wish my hair was like this."

Still, Rei held her tongue, not quite sure how to react to the compliments she was receiving. She did not believe herself to be pretty, and having the Major stroking her hair was an odd, but not entirely unpleasant feeling. _It is very quiet here,_ she thought suddenly, _like the EVA cages._

When Rei sighed softly and closed her eyes, Misato shivered. _She's so much like him,_ she thought, finding herself in motion, Rei's lips drawing closer, and closer, until they were mere inches away.

Rei's eyes opened, but she said nothing at finding Misato so close to her… she simply waited, unsure of how to react to such a bold move. _She is… intoxicated,_ Rei thought absently, her nostrils flaring slightly at the sweet, slightly stinging smell of the wine her superior had ingested.

Abruptly, Misato turned fully to face Rei, putting her hands on the girls shoulders and leaning even closer, an expression of slightly drunken determination on her features as she tried to close the distance between them… but somehow found herself unable.

_Damn it,_ Misato thought, feeling Rei's warm breath blowing across her lips, _she's not stopping me – why can't I go through with it?_ She swallowed at the anger in her own thoughts, pulling back slightly to study Rei's placid red eyes. _Why do I WANT to go through with it?? She's 14 – SHE is 14!!_

"Why are you crying?"

Misato blinked as she realized that tears were running freely down her face, leaving tracks of moisture from her eyelids all the way to her chin, and though she had not consciously understood the reason why until speaking it, it was suddenly as clear as a cloudless summer sky.

"I miss him," she whispered, bowing her head to avoid the girl's intense stare, "even when I'm with people, it's like I'm all alone. I've been alone for so long that I was starting to forget what it was like to be close to someone." She swallowed as more tears coursed down her face. "I didn't… know before, but there was really only one person that made me forget that… and now he's gone."

"I see," Rei murmured softly.

"Do you think-" Misato cut herself off, taking a deep, shuddering breath before continuing. "Do you think you could put your arms around me, Rei? I won't ask for more than that, I just…" she squeezed her eyes shut, "just let me pretend for a minute."

_Oh how the mighty have fallen,_ Misato's thoughts taunted her, _I'm begging a teenager to hold me so I can pretend she's ANOTHER teenager – one I couldn't be bothered with when he was fucking living with me. Yes sir, I am SOME piece of work…_

In spite of her self-deprecating thoughts and a firm desire to be strong no matter what, Misato found a small whimper pulled from her throat as Rei's slender arms circled her.

"You are not alone, Major," the girl whispered, "and I cannot think of a more proper way to honor his memory than being close to you."

"Th-thank you," Misato gasped out, her chest and throat too constricted to form stronger words as she gave herself over to the First Child's tentative embrace. "Thank you…"

- - - - -

The rough, harsh sounds of strangulation echoed through the otherwise quiet hospital room, fabric shifting on fabric as a nearly silent battle for life was valiantly fought. Several trays and the chair reserved for visitors had been overturned, but in the secure wing of the NERV hospital, with its soundproofed walls, so used to violence, no one would notice for several hours at least.

Or so Mana hoped.

"Gllkk!!"

Tightening her hold on the nurse's throat, the young infiltrator bit down on the inside of her cheek, barely withholding a cry of frustration as the bigger woman thrashed and bucked, her efforts slowly weakening as her air supply was brutally throttled off.

_Just fall down!!_ Mana thought desperately, pulling even harder on her wrist and forcing her forearm even tighter against the nurse's windpipe. _Damn it – go down!_

The nurse, a young, strong woman of about twenty-four, had fought like a wildcat from the second Mana had sprung onto her back, but she had not been able to stop the younger woman from getting an arm around her neck… and though she had put up a hell of a struggle, the advantage was decidedly the captive's.

_Come ON!_

Tears stung Mana's eyes as the nurse's knees buckled, dropping her to the floor with a sickening crunch, but the pilot held firm, feeling the telltale tremors of oxygen deprived muscles slowly surrendering.

Finally… finally the nurse sagged to the floor, her body giving one last shudder before relaxing on the cold linoleum. Immediately, Mana yanked her arm away, scrambling away from the woman and wiping sweat away from her face as she watched warily for any sign that it might be a trick.

"Oh no…" she groaned, clenching her eyes tightly closed as the harsh stench of urine wafted up through the air. "God, please no…"

Still trembling from the exertion, Mana crawled to the woman's side and pressed two fingers to her neck, holding her breath as she searched for a pulse.

Nothing.

_Damn it!_ she raged, _Damn it, damn it, DAMN IT!!!_

Running her fingers along the nurse's elegantly slender throat, Mana found the front bowed in at an unnatural angle, the flesh supple and spongy against the tips of the young woman's fingers as she found the nurse's windpipe undeniably crushed.

"Damn it," Mana sobbed, swiping angrily at her eyes as she turned away from the nurse's body, "you were supposed to just go to sleep! Goddamn it – you were supposed to just go to sleep!!"

_Murderer._

Mana winced, her body alternating hot and cold at the ruthless thought.

"I… I had no choice," she panted, completely unaware that she was speaking aloud. "I didn't have a choice, damn it!"

Her hands shaking with spent adrenaline, she reached out, carefully unclipping the nurse's security badge and trying to ignore the repetitive whisper in her mind and heart.

_Murderer, murderer, murderer, murd-_

Squelching the voice with the efficiency of brutal training, Mana forced herself to her feet, tottering slightly and nearly losing her balance as the still-unfamiliar prosthetic slipped on the smooth linoleum. Lifting the edge of her flimsy hospital gown, Mana frowned down at the atrocity attached to the stump of her left leg.

It looked, she decided for what must have been the hundredth time, like cheap toy shovel – the kind you buy your children to play with at the beach. It was still shiny and bright, but Mana had felt the surface of the metal and plastic polymer, and she could tell just by touching it that it would be dull and scratched in less than a year's time.

_Guess I can't expect top-of-the-line,_ she thought with forced levity. _I mean, I AM a spy, I DID betray them… I did crush my best friend's heart as coldly as I crushed-_

She cut the thought off before the word 'throat' could surface in her mind, hobbling to the door and cracking it open to peer down the corridor.

The hospital, fortunately for her, was not inside of NERV itself – that facility was reserved for important people, and she definitely did not fall into that category. She was in a secured wing, of course, but as the Commander had so smugly pointed out, she was not considered high-risk, so there were not very many guards… especially at this late hour of the night.

_If I'm lucky,_ she thought, scanning the ceiling for any security cameras, _I can make it out of here without having to… to kill anyone else._

She shuddered at the thought, resisting the urge to glance back at the nurse's corpse. Not only was the idea of further life taking odious, it was downright absurd. The only reason she had been able to handle the nurse at all was because she had caught her completely off-guard. For nearly a week she had played the part of the whipped little captive, biding her time and paying very close attention to the checks and routines the nurses ran.

According to the way they had been doing things since she had arrived, Mana figured she had about forty minutes to get clear of the hospital before the nurse's absence was discovered.

_I liked her…_

Regret so strong it was nearly overwhelming flooded Mana's senses, almost driving her to her knees as she remembered the nurse's easy smile and playful attempts to draw her out. She hated herself more in that moment than at any other time in her life… but there was no turning back now.

Conjuring images of her father and brother to rekindle the rage she had been feeding for six days, the young pilot clenched her hands into fists and eased the door to her room open, darting as quickly as she could across the hall and dropping behind the nurse's station as the camera she had spotted down the hall swept back in her direction.

_Done is done,_ she thought tiredly, peering around the edge of the dead woman's desk and watching the timing of the camera's slow arc. _I can't worry about it now… I have to get out of here and…_

And what?

She frowned, biting her lip pensively. Her Trident, 02, was gone, she knew that, but in the back of her mind, the faint outlines of a plan were beginning to form. The Commander, she reminded herself… had not mentioned Musashi's Trident – and she was fairly sure, considering that she had been there when the young pilot died, that she was the only one that knew its current whereabouts.

_So,_ she thought grimly, _I need a place to lay low for a while… somewhere they won't think of looking for me. Somewhere I can get used to this damn fake leg before I go get Trident 01, bring it to the Commander's house, and flatten that fucker the way he flattened my goddamned family!!_

Her lips pulled away from her teeth in an unconscious sneer as she imagined the look on the all-powerful Commander of NERV as she wrapped her 'inferior' mecha's fist around his body and made it squeeze.

The look of anticipation faded as she realized that there was only one place she could go that even held the faintest hope for her.

_I guess I have no choice,_ she thought wearily, nodding to herself as she prepared to move, _here's hoping she gives me a chance to beg her for mercy before slamming the door in my face._

- - - - -

Touji let out a long sigh as he returned the phone's headset to its cradle. "Great," he muttered, resting his head against the cool plastic, "just fucking great…"

_Sure she's not there,_ he thought bitterly, resisting the urge to pickup the payphone's receiver again and use it to hammer the useless device into its component pieces. _A week,_ he raged, _it's been a goddamn week – and she won't even return my calls._

Pushing away from the payphone, Touji wandered across the empty break room and threw himself into one of the plastic booths dotting the eating area, putting his head in his hands and resting his elbows on the cheap formica tabletop. He couldn't really BLAME Hikari for not returning his calls or saying she was not home when he could clearly hear her in the background.

If it had been her sleeping with someone else, he definitely would have dumped her.

_But she doesn't understand,_ he thought angrily, biting his bottom lip so hard he nearly drew blood. _I've got so much pressure on me – and all we ever did was kiss!! …damn it, I just needed something more, that's all._

Hollow… even in his mind the words rang hollow.

He knew that she knew, of course… everyone in school did. What was amazing to him was how FAST everyone had found out. The day after the fight, kids were walking up to him in the hall and slapping him on the back, saying, 'You and Ibuki? Dude, she's hot!' and, 'You lucky bastard! An older woman – and I thought you were with Horaki!' and worst of all, 'Dude, what's up with your girl? I heard she left school crying today – no one's seen her!'

It was this last comment that kept echoing in Touji's mind. _Of course she was crying,_ he thought tiredly, _I stabbed her in the back. I'm worse than-_

"Hey…"

Touji's head whipped up at the hesitant call, his eyes narrowing dangerously as he found Maya standing by the side of the table, hesitantly fingering her work ID as she offered him a sickly smile.

"Go… away."

Maya nodded, paling slightly at the rage in the young man's voice as she plucked the ID from her uniform. "I will," she said softly, "but I wanted to give you something first."

The Fourth frowned as she set her ID carefully on the table and stepped back, bowing formally. "What the hell am I supposed to do with that…?"

"Keep it for me," Maya said quietly. "I've decided to resign."

"Super," Touji muttered, "see ya."

Dejectedly Maya's shoulders slumped. "…isn't what was supposed to happen," she whispered, unaware that she had spoken aloud as she stared at the floor. "I never thought it would go this far, Touji."

"Yeah, well, it did," Touji said coldly, his voice growing deep and serious as he folded his hands in front of his face. "'Excellent work, Miss Ibuki,'" he intoned, "'you've done a fantastic job of screwing the Fourth Child – give yourself a raise.'"

The technician flinched as if he'd struck her, but her voice was even as she whispered, "Making love to you was my own choice. It was… stupid and selfish of me, I know, but I did it because I wanted to – not because I was ordered to, do you understand? I was told… to be nice to you, but that's it."

"Whatever," Touji whispered sulkily.

Though Maya's heart was clenching in her chest, she still managed a smile. "If I remember correctly," she said gently, "it wasn't me that shoved you up against a wall and put my hand up your shirt." She raised a hand as Touji colored. "I'm not laying a guilt trip on you, Touji," she said quietly, "and like I said – I wanted to be with you that day, or I would have told you to leave… but please don't act like it was all me, ok? I… I think I deserve a little more respect than that."

Touji turned his head, focusing on a spot on the far wall and saying nothing.

"Goodbye, Touji," Maya said after a moment of quiet, "I hope you can forgive me some day for being so selfish."

Maya sighed as the boy continued to look away. _Guess I can't blame him for being mad,_ she thought tiredly, starting for the door, _the way the Commander put it – the way everyone at NERV SEES it… I let him into my house and had sex with him because I was ordered to. No one believes what really happened… and I guess it doesn't matter anymore, I just-_

"Wait."

Maya froze, slowly turning to face the young man. "Y-yes?"

Though his eyes were still averted, Maya could easily pick up the regret in the pilot's voice as he whispered, "Take care of yourself… ok?"

"I will," Maya nodded, smiling in spite of the horrible, stabbing sadness in her chest, "you too, Touji."

"Yeah… sure…"

Without another word, the technician turned and walked from the room, making her way from NERV central with her head held high and her back as straight as a board, only looking back once as she stepped out of the main entranceway… then shaking her head in sorrow as she closed the door on the most horrible – yet most fulfilling – chapter of her life.

Continued…

Author's notes: yeehaw! Angst, angst, angst!! Er, yeah, so, anyway… sorry it took so long to get this chapter done, but umm… oh hell, I didn't feel like writing it until recently. Next chapter SHOULD come sooner, because more happens in it. This one was kind of talky. Oh, and I know that in the real world you can't get fitted for a prosthetic leg within a couple days of your amputation due to swelling and wound closure issues, but I figured it's 2015 – there must have been SOME advancements in physiotherapy, right? Right?? What? Why are you looking at me like that?? It's called Artistic License, damn it! Deal with it! As to whether or not they would actually give Mana, a known spy, a prosthetic – even a low-end one – well, I believe that they would think of it as the humane thing to do. Compassion sees no allegiance…

Pre-read on this chapter was done by The Audient Void, which is probably the first time I've ever had my work looked at by a sound-permeated nothingness. Kinda gave me the chills…

Feedback is always welcome on any site with reviewing capabilities, or by e-mailing me directly at random1377(at-sign)yahoo(dot)com

* * *


	8. Agony and Ecstasy

Disclaimer: see part 1

Aoi

Part 8

Agony and Ecstasy

By Random1377

Asuka stared up at the ceiling of the apartment's bathroom, barely blinking as she breathed in and out, measuring each breath like the ticking of some unseen clock counting down the seconds of her life. There were not all that many left she decided fatalistically, slipping a little lower in the tub and tilting her chin up so that the bathwater just barely tickled her bottom lip.

_One more inch, few deep breaths,_ she thought calmly, _that's all it would take. Honestly… what am I holding on for? Kaji STILL thinks I'm just a kid – not that I've seen him for over a week – my sync ratio is in the fucking toilet, Shinji is…_

"…Shinji."

Reaching up, she let her hand rest on her short cropped hair, her personal homage to the boy she had never given a chance.

_But I'm not the one that killed him,_ she reminded herself, letting her arm fall back into the tub with a small splash, _your clock will be stopped before mine, Wonderbitch, I guaran-fucking-tee it!_

Clenching her hands at her sides, Asuka slid lower.

_One,_ she counted, forcing down her gag reflex as warm water rushed into her mouth, _two… three…_

The numbers continued to roll through her mind, one following the next as she envisioned Shinji's face. In her mind, he was smiling at her in a way he never had… a way she had only allowed herself to contemplate in dreams.

_Should I come to you now?_

Darkness began to encroach on the perimeter of her vision, and her lungs began to burn with the need for oxygen, but Asuka simply closed her eyes, slipping all the way under the water as her mind clicked off second seventy-eight.

_Would you welcome me?_ she thought, her ears filling with a soft rushing sound as a thin trickle of bubbles floated up to the surface of the tub. _In your letter… oh God, why did you leave me that letter? It would have been so easy to pretend you hated me if you hadn't! I don't want to feel this way anymore, Shinji – I don't want to feel at all. Take me with you, wherever you are… free me from this nightmare, I don't want to-_

"NO!"

The word was harsh and waterlogged, exploding from Asuka's throat as her face broke the surface of the water. She coughed harshly, expelling a mouthful of soapy water over the side of the tub as her panicked body shrieked for air. She hitched violently, her stomach revolting as she hung limply over the edge of the tub, emptying her meager dinner onto the bathmat with a nauseating splash.

Asuka's body shuddered violently, her cheek resting on the warm porcelain of the tub as she stared at her own vomit. "No," she croaked, "no, not yet… not until I kill that little whore. _Then_ I'll come to you, Shinji… be patient, ok? It won't be much longer now, I promise."

Coughing weakly, she spat out a mouthful of bile, closing her eyes once more and drifting for a moment in a state of sleep-deprived exhaustion.

_No, not much longer now,_ she thought, her brow furrowing as she heard the apartment door open and close. _Oh great… the traitor bitch is home._

Of all the people to befriend Shinji's murderer, Misato was the last Asuka would have suspected. She thought that like her, Misato would have raged against the Third's death – screaming for blood until the killer was made to pay… but she had gone the opposite direction, actually _inviting_ the little tramp into their house.

Clearly, Asuka decided, the woman was insane.

"Doesn't matter," she whispered to herself, "I'll end this the very second I get her alone."

Without knowing it, the Second Child fell into a light, troubled slumber, waking with a terrible crick in her neck to find the water in the tub ice cold.

-

Sitting with her head in her hands, Misato did her best to pretend that she cold not hear the string of quietly muttered curses coming from inside the bathroom. She could smell the reason Asuka was angry – had smelled it the very second she had walked through the door – but her hatred of the girl's new appearance was so strong that it was clouding her judgment.

_Fucking bitch,_ she thought savagely, rubbing absently at her new scar, _let her clean up her own puke!_

The external wound had finally closed, leaving a thin, straight line just above the long jagged one she had earned during Second Impact… but the damage to her lungs…

_"You're not following me, Major,"_ she could hear the exasperated voice of the doctor echoing in her ears, _"You aren't GOING to get better – I don't know how I can make that clearer to you! Look at the x-ray! The infection ATE part of your lung before we could stop it, do you understand? You will never have full lung capacity, you will never breathe without some discomfort, you'll feel short of breath for several months – possibly longer, depending on how long it takes your body to adjust – and you'll probably always feel like you need to cough!"_

Misato covered her mouth with her fist, giving a solitary, sullen cough – as if to spite the doctor by not having a full-blown fit – and forced her mind around to gentler thoughts.

_Sync test tomorrow, _she mused, _dinner later. Would it make you happy to know that we're friends now, Shinji? I almost… tried to make us something else, but it ended up ok. Would you be proud?_

She dropped back onto her bed with a long sigh, her blacker thoughts encroaching on the pleasant, if a bit misdirected, feeling she got when she was thinking about Rei.

_Asuka…_

Section Two had filed their report on the Second's activities for the week… and Misato had noticed that the redhead had gone to the shooting range several times between Monday and Saturday. This, by itself, was nothing terribly out of the ordinary, as pilot training included being versed in as many varieties of firearms as possible.

What concerned her was in another report – armory inventory, to be exact – noting the absence of a .22 caliber pistol and a box of ammunition. As it was the middle of a war, and their budget had been slashed so drastically, a single missing firearm went almost unnoticed, but Misato, being the person she was, had immediately ordered a search of the Second Child's belongings – with strict orders to be discreet.

Section Two, however, had not found anything in the girl's bedroom, locker, or school desk, the only locations she had visited over the past week and a half. Misato could not think of any other places for them to look, scouring the remainder of the apartment practically from top to bottom on her own time when the redhead was out one day.

_What are you up to?_ she wondered suspiciously. _Ritsuko said there's no proof that it was you that took it – especially since we couldn't find the damn thing – but I'm not an idiot… and I've seen the way you look at Rei._

She had gone to the Commander the very next day, elegantly skirting the issue of pilot safety without even once hinting that the Second may be planning to kill the First, and talking the man into signing an order to increase security on all four remaining children.

The Commander had corrected her by saying 'three' but had not elaborated further, leaving Misato to find out for herself that Mana Kirishima had gone insane (apparently finding herself unable to cope with the wounds she had suffered) and murdered a nurse in the secure wing of the hospital, escaping into the night and earning herself the title of 'wanted' for all Section Two agents.

Misato felt sorry for the girl, but agreed with Ritsuko that should she see her, she would not hesitate to put the girl down. If she was able to crush an innocent woman's throat without remorse, who knew what she might do to someone directly involved in her injuries?

_I never, EVER thought I would miss the day that Shinji got here,_ she mused, resting her hands on her stomach and closing her eyes. _It was so hectic… we almost got crushed by the angel… he almost walked away from piloting before he'd even started… and then he almost died AGAIN inside the plug. Every day from then on, I was amazed that he managed to keep going – but he never gave up, not all the way. He knew what was important…_

"Damn it," she whispered, lifting a hand to wipe at her damp cheeks. "Damn it, I can't cry for you anymore, Shinji… I can't!"

In spite of this declaration, Misato had to change her pillowcase before going to sleep.

…her hand passed less than three inches from the butt of the missing .22, tucked neatly into a box of NewDay tampons, the brand Asuka had insisted on since the day she had started her period.

-

Rei took a deep, even breath, trying not to sigh too loudly as she allowed her eyes to roll closed and reveled in the feeling of ecstasy washing over her body. It was not a sexual feeling, she decided, though in her current state she could understand why people strove so hard to find a compatible lover – no, this ecstasy was much deeper than that… delving all the way down to her soul and spreading outward until every cell in her body felt permeated with tranquility and euphoria.

"Holding steady at 79.2."

Even the harsh, amplified voice of Doctor Akagi's new assistant (Rei could not think of the woman's name just then) could not dampen the First's spirits. It was hard for her not to show her delight at the warmth coursing through her – after all, it was a very recent development – but she feared that if she was too vocal about what was happening, she would be denied this experience.

After all, if Doctor Akagi knew that she had been experiencing physical and emotional pleasure during synchronization tests, she would surely label it an anomaly and find a way to stamp it out.

"Rei," Major Katsuragi's gentle voice came over Unit 00's comm. system, "how are you feeling?"

Though it pained her to hide her joy from the purple-haired woman, Rei dared not risk saying anything about it when Akagi could hear. "Fine, Major," she said, forcing herself to maintain her old, dull monotone speech pattern. "Are we almost done?"

"Another ten minutes," the older woman replied soothingly, "I'll let you know."

"Understood."

Clicking off her microphone Rei leaned back in the pilot's seat, closing her eyes and doing something she had only dared once since beginning her meteoric rise in synchronization ability.

Speaking.

"Ikari," she breathed, shivering as she felt even more of her soul slowly laying itself bare to the presence inside the giant machine. "Shinji…"

Since the passing of the Third, and the first sync test after his death, Rei had been feeling more and more comfortable in the entry plug. She knew that Shinji was not 'there,' per se, as Unit 00 exhibited no tendencies towards independent action or communication… but being in the plug still gave her the same emotional responses that he had brought forth in her when he was alive.

It was hard to explain, but somehow – she still FELT Shinji's kindness and honest, slightly awkward personality enfolding her every time she synchronized.

And since hitting a ratio of 55...

"She just rose to 81 ma'am."

"Mark the time," Doctor Akagi's cold voice ordered, "and note any fluctuation up or down. Rei – we're taking another half hour to record."

"Understood…"

Before, Rei would have been disappointed to be trapped in the huge blue mecha… but now, radiating with that feeling of safety and comfort that made it so easy to open herself, she could think of no other place she'd rather be.

"Take… me…" she gasped, shuddering as more of Unit 00's essence bled into her, blurring the line between her consciousness and its until it was almost invisible and rendering coherent speech, and even thought, nearly impossible. "Shinji, take… everything. My heart and soul… my one desire… is to be… one with you…"

"God," one of the technicians whispered, "d-doctor Akagi…?"

"I see it," came Ritsuko's terse response, "keep recording."

"Rei," Misato's voice came into the entry plug once more, "Rei please tell me what you're feeling – you're up to 87. Please… can you feel him…?"

There was no way Rei could have replied even if she had wanted to. She could feel the last of the barriers within her soul giving way, a sharp gasp of icy pleasure tearing free of her lips as she felt Unit 00's consciousness penetrate her own on such an intimate level that it put the pathetic notion of 'intercourse' to shame. She breathed… and Unit 00 breathed with her. Her heart beat… and Unit 00's heart beat in time. Her right hand – free, in the plug, of that maddening, itching pain that had grown ever-present – flexed involuntarily… and Unit 00's hand flexed in perfect mimicry.

"A-abort the test," she heard Misato stammer. "Ritsuko, something's wrong – it's not natural to have a synch ratio of-"

"Get a hold of yourself," the Project-E director snapped, "numbers like this are unprecedented – there's no way in Hell I'll stop this test until she stops climbing. If she's still going up next fucking week, she'll be in that plug, got it!"

Misato glared at the other woman. "It's _wrong_," she growled. "A thirty-five percent climb in six _days_? Something is going on in that goddamned plug, Ritsuko, and it _isn't_ good!"

"Excuse me, ma'am?" Hyouga whispered, flinching as the two women rounded on him.

"_What_?"

"…Unit 00."

Misato and Ritsuko raised their eyes as the technician pointed to the observation glass.

"My… God…"

Through the thick, protective window, Unit 00 was shuddering and twitching, its fingertips quivering at its sides as it shook its head from side to side.

"Berserker," Ritsuko hissed. "Cut external power and prepare for bakelite injec-"

"Doctor Akagi!"

Abruptly, Unit 00 went still.

"What is it, Lieutenant?" Ritsuko murmured, keeping her eyes fixed intently on the blue mecha.

"Rei's synch ratio is holding steady, ma'am," Hyouga reported, sounding vaguely sick.

Ritsuko glanced at him curiously. "And?" she demanded. "Where did she finally top out?"

Looking over the tech's shoulder, Misato murmured, "I think you better see for yourself."

Ignoring the commotion in the Pribnow Box, Rei relaxed in the pilot's seat, keeping her eyes closed and drawing deep, shuddering breaths to keep calm. The only word she could think of to describe what had just happened to her was transcendence. Inside of Unit 00, merging with the soul of the boy she used to know, Rei reached a place of such profound peace and tranquility that she would be affected by it for days to come.

"Thank you…" she whispered, imagining a soft, warm blanket of feeling wrapping itself around her as she opened her senses completely and drank in the world as Unit 00 saw it. "Shinji… thank you…"

-

((_Ring_)) ((_Ring))_

((_Click_))

"Yes…?"

"…it's me."

"What do you need?"

"I want to come over tonight."

"Get a hold of yourself, doct-"

"Please – God, please let me see you tonight! I need you to hold me right now, can't you understand? I _need_ it…"

"You're falling apart. You have to get hold of yourself. We're almost at the end."

"I know, I know! But-"

"Eight O'clock."

"Thank-"

((_Click_))

"…you."

-

"You want eggrolls too?"

Touji shook his head, staring out into the darkened street as his friend held the telephone receiver up against his chest and waited for Touji's reply. "Nah, I'm good with just the chicken," he muttered, "get some if you want, though… NERV's paying for it."

Kensuke sighed. "Yeah, give us some eggrolls too," he said into the phone, "no, it's on a NERV account… uh huh… yeah, I've got it right here. It's p, as in pilot, Suzuhara… T… 342. What's that? Yeah, sure, make it twenty, that's fine. Ok, bye."

"What was that about?" Touji asked, rubbing his eyes as he finally turned away from the window.

"Tip," Kensuke said simply. "These delivery places know that NERV's got a lot of money to throw around, so they don't hesitate to ask for a big tip. I've ordered stuff for my dad before, and I figured out pretty quick that it's best to just give them some cash, unless you want your food to arrive cold or squashed… or both."

Touji chuckled softly. "Isn't that blackmail?"

"Extortion," Kensuke corrected dryly, "there's a big difference."

"Ah."

Silence fell as the two friends stared awkwardly at the floor. It was the first time in almost a month that Touji had come to visit Kensuke, and Kensuke was shocked to see how worn his friend looked. There were actually two threads of gray – that Kensuke could see just from where he was standing – in Touji's thick black hair, and the lines around his mouth seemed to be pretty deep.

_He looks way worse than Shinji ever did,_ Kensuke thought dismally, looking away quickly as Touji lifted his head. _God I feel sorry for him…_

"Hey," Touji said, obviously forcing his tone to be light, "so umm, how's… how's Hikari…?"

Kensuke's shoulders slumped a bit. _Should have known,_ he thought tiredly, _why didn't you just ask that on the phone instead of coming all the way over here? Once I tell you, you're not even gonna stick around for dinner, are you?_

"She's… better," he said guardedly, "she's been coming to school pretty much every day, but she doesn't really… smile anymore, you know?"

"Yeah," Touji whispered, "I know."

"Anyway," Kensuke concluded, "someone in class said they heard she was talking about stepping down as class rep."

"Huh? Why?"

Kensuke shrugged. "Too much on her mind, I guess," he said softly.

Again, awkward silence fell.

_This sucks,_ Kensuke thought miserably, _best friends – best friends for six years… and I can't do a goddamn thing to help him out._

"How's Kimiko?"

Touji lifted his head, but his expression was blank – as if the name had no meaning for him – and after a moment, he colored and quickly averted his eyes.

Kensuke's jaw dropped. "You haven't been visiting her, have you?" he breathed, his voice heavy with shock. "Touji, y-"

"I've been busy," Touji blurted, ramming his hands into his pocket, "I tried to go, but, but I had too much shit going on! …I wanted to go."

Slowly, Kensuke leaned against the wall. "You used to visit her… every day," he said slowly, "every single day."

Touji clenched his teeth together, pulling his right hand out of his pocket as he noticed a rather sharp stinging sensation running the length of his palm.

"You're bleeding."

Silently, Touji reached back into his pocket, pulling out the object that had so easily sliced into his palm. Kensuke glanced down at the badge, recognizing it immediately as a NERV-issue security tag. The face on it was only half visible, but Kensuke knew who it was.

Touji lifted his head, and Kensuke nearly flinched at the raw, naked agony in his friend's eyes. _Jesus Christ,_ he thought, horrified by what he saw, _who ARE you?_

After a moment, his horror turned to pity.

"I'll… I'll be going up to the shopping district tomorrow to look for that MiG-27 model I've been wanting," he said carefully, "it wouldn't be too far out of the way for me to stop by and see how she is."

Touji's bottom lip quivered. "Tell her I love her…?" he whispered. "And… I'm sorry…?"

"Sure, man," Kensuke murmured sadly, "you know I will."

As if he could no longer stand the sight of it, Touji suddenly dropped Maya's ID, letting it fall to the floor with a dull, lifeless clack. He stared at it as if in a daze, wetting his lips with the tip of his tongue as he quietly asked Kensuke the question that had been on his mind for several weeks.

"…still want to be a pilot?"

Kensuke crouched down, picking the ID badge up and setting it carefully on the table. Without taking his eyes off of it, he slowly shook his head.

-

Hikari rubbed her tired eyes, yawning expansively as she headed towards the front door. "Coming," she grumbled, shooting a glance at the clock. _Who could it be at this hour?_ she wondered, _God, Dad's still at work, Nozomi's at Grandma's, Kodama's who knows where, and I'm answering the door at eleven thirty at night. I must be an idiot._

Later, she would reflect on this train of thought and question why she did not look through the curtains before opening the door.

Things might have gone very differently.

"Coming," she called through the door, grasping the handle and giving it a fierce turn. "What's so damn… you…!" Panic shot through her as the girl on the other side of the door started to push her way into the house. "N-no!"

Belatedly, she tried to slam the door, but she was far too late.

Mana stormed the house like a soldier, grabbing Hikari around the waist with one hand and clapping her other over the startled girl's mouth. Awkwardly, she hustled Hikari into her room, shooting nervous glances everywhere as she bumped the door closed with her hip.

"MMMMM!" Hikari tried to scream, shaking her head from side to side as she was forced into her room.

"Shh," Mana murmured, making very sure to keep the arm around Hikari's waist from gripping too tight, "shh, Hikari, please… I'm not here to hurt you…"

Hikari struggled ineffectually, hot tears streaking down her cheeks and over the back of Mana's hand for what felt like eternity until finally, she slumped back against the girl, sobbing softly and shaking all over as Mana continued to try to quiet her.

Licking her lips, Mana pulled Hikari close to her, moving her mouth right next to the girl's ear before whispering, "I'm not going to hurt you, Hikari… please believe me. I'm in trouble… I need your help…"

Slowly, she pulled her hand away from Hikari's mouth, tensing as she prepared to clap it back in place, should the class rep try to scream.

Hikari, however, simply continued to cry, lost for the time to the world around her as her mind raced through a hundred thoughts at once. _God, why is this happening?_ she thought tiredly, slumping weakly against Mana as the other girl wrapped her other arm around Hikari's shoulders, holding her gently and continuing to softly shush her.

For a moment, silence reigned, broken only by Hikari's ragged breathing. _This is where I always wanted to be,_ Mana mused ironically, _I'm holding Hikari in my arms… she's all out of breath… she's soft… this is how I've always dreamed of her – just not quite under these circumstances._

"W…what do you want…?"

Mana wet her lips, trying not to focus too hard on the nape of Hikari's neck as she murmured, "Why are you so scared of me…?"

Shaking her head slowly, Hikari whispered, "Some men in black suits came to talk to me. They told me you were a spy – that you were only here to find out about EVA – and they wanted to know everything we talked about." She had to swallow before she could conclude, "…is it true?"

"Yeah," Mana replied honestly, "it's true…"

Drawing an uneven breath, Hikari barked a short laugh. "Damn it," she said bitterly, "I trusted you – I believed in you. When they told me, I didn't want to believe it, but they were so sure about it… and they were right. All this time, you've been lying to me. I-"

"No," Mana cut in softly, "never to you, Hikari… I've never lied to you…"

Snorting derisively, Hikari muttered, "Lying, telling a little bit of the truth, it's the same thing, Mana. I _trusted_ you…"

Slowly, Mana turned Hikari around, pushing her gently up against her wall and staring deep into her questioning eyes. "I would never knowingly hurt you," she said quietly, putting her hands on Hikari's shoulders. "Never…"

Hikari's eyes widened as Mana leaned forward and captured her lips in a moist, tender kiss.

Pulling back, Mana carefully cupped Hikari's face in her palms, stepping closer to her as she whispered, "I need you right now, Hikari…"

Letting out a shuddering breath, Hikari closed her eyes, offering no resistance as Mana gave her another intense, openly sensual kiss, clumsily making it clear that this was anything but practice. Hikari let it happen for several moments, fighting with her confused emotions until finally, she knew how to reply to Mana's overtures.

"Stop…"

Mana nodded as Hikari put a hand on her shoulder and pushed her back. "S-sorry," she whispered, "I-"

"That's the last time I let you kiss me," Hikari cut in, her voice holding no malice as she stepped away from the wall and moved past the other girl. "I said I'd always be your friend, so I can't hate you…" she lowered her voice to a mere whisper, "even after what you did to Touji…" she raised her eyes, staring into Mana's as she concluded, "but I don't like you that _way_, alright? I'm… I'm sorry…"

"I understand," Mana said quietly. "And… I'm sorry for what I did. I didn't mean to destroy what you had, please believe that."

Hikari averted her eyes. "I don't know what to believe right now," she said dully, "I don't… I don't even know how to talk to him anymore – so I don't. It hurt me so much, but at the same time, I know that he's hurting too – and I want to talk to him, I do! …but I don't know how."

_I am such a bitch;_ Mana thought disgustedly, _I just meant to get under his skin! …ok, so maybe I wanted Hikari for myself, I can't deny that, but I never meant to hurt her this bad. _

Slowly, Hikari took put a hand on Mana's shoulder, staring at the floor as she carefully pulled the girl into a gentle embrace. "You can stay here for tonight," she said levelly, holding her friend as her body started to shake. "In the morning… I don't know what will happen in the morning, Mana, but for tonight – because of our friendship – you're welcome here."

Mana tried to speak… but when she opened her mouth, all that came out was a strangled sob. Even after what Mana had done to her, Hikari was willing to help her – to save her. She was scum… dirt… a filthy, disgusting creature skilled only in hurting others and taking lives… but still, Hikari was going to let her stay.

All she could do was cry as the stress and pain of the last few days hit her like a jackhammer, nearly driving her to her knees as she began to weep openly, clinging to Hikari and wretchedly apologizing for all the harm she had caused. Somehow, Mana really couldn't say how, they ended up on the bed, facing each other and crying together until eventually even tears failed them and sleep became the only thing either could think of.

Sometime in the middle of the night, Mana awoke with a start, finding herself inches from Hikari's peacefully sleeping face. Careful not to wake the other girl, she gave her a final, lingering kiss, savoring the taste of her mouth far longer than was wise before laying her head back down and watching the class rep sleep, trying to decide where to go from there. Though it truly was the last kiss she would ever get from Hikari, Mana decided that it was definitely worth it… and when dawn broke through the vinyl shades on Hikari's small bedroom window, Mana knew that she could not cause her even one more second's worth of pain.

As quietly as she could, she slipped out of bed, guiltily rifling through Hikari's things until she found a small, dusty looking backpack. Moving carefully to avoid any further noise, she gathered up three simple outfits, stuffing them into the backpack before slinging it over her shoulder and slipping out of the room.

It wasn't until she was three blocks away that she realized she hadn't even whispered goodbye.

…she did not go back.

Continued…

Author's Notes: ok, so, it's a little shorter than last chapter, but hey – people are always mumbling about quality over quantity… too bad you got neither. Heheh. I toyed briefly with the idea of having Rei actually achieving an orgasm during the sync test… but the more I thought about it, the more I decided it would have been cheap and pointless, and I really liked the idea of her feeling something even deeper. All the perverts out there will just have to look elsewhere for angsty sexual references.

Pre-read was done by the AudienT Void, and a more skilled noisy nothing I have never had the pleasure of talking to.

Feedback is always welcome on any site with reviewing capabilities, or by e-mailing me directly at random1377(at-sign)yahoo(dot)com


	9. Breakdown

Disclaimer: see part 1.

Aoi

Part 9

Breakdown

By Random1377

A loud crash broke the relative silence of Rei's apartment, catching the First completely off guard and making her stare down in confusion at the spray of tomato juice running from every surface within five feet of her location. She had been eating lunch, and idly wondering what Major Katsuragi was doing, when she had noticed that her glass was empty. Still thinking of other things, she had walked to her fridge and refilled her glass.

She had not even felt her hand open, allowing the glass to tumble to the floor.

_Worse,_ she thought grimly, raising her right hand and watching carefully as a minute tremor ran through her palm. _It is getting worse._

Normally, there was a brief spike of pain a moment or so before her hand twitched – a burst Rei had come to anticipate and ignore… but over the past few days, even the pain was lessening, and not in a good way. She had discussed her concerns with Commander Ikari, but as it did not affect her when she was in the plug, he was unresponsive, telling her only, _"If it's not stopping you, just live with it."_

Rei was not scared. Concerned, she told herself as she looked around for a towel to clean up the mess, but concerned and scared were not the same thing. If the commander was not worried about her arm, why should she be? Surely he had her best interests in mind, did he not? She was his key, his doll… he would not allow her to come to unnecessary harm when there was something he could do about it, right?

Pursing her lips, Rei picked up the towel she had used for her shower, pretending that the tomato juice did _not_ look like dripping blood as she knelt down to begin cleaning.

Relying on her left hand meant taking more time to clean, but Rei did not want to risk cutting herself on the jagged glass. The last thing she needed was another injury, no matter how slight. She knew she could be replaced, and in general, she had a very pragmatic approach to pain, reasoning that once she was hurt, she was hurt, and there was no use in whining and carrying on if there was nothing she could do about it.

Of course, this attitude did not mean she was stupid or masochistic, so she would _avoid_ pain whenever possible.

As careful as she was being, she still nearly cut herself as her phone abruptly began to ring. Rising to her feet, she took the glass she had so far gathered and dropped it into the garbage can, picking her phone up (with her left hand) on the fifth ring.

"Yes?"

"Umm, hi, it's… hi…"

"Major Katsuragi?" Rei murmured, unused to hearing the woman on the phone at all, let alone sounding so hesitant.

"Yeah," Misato replied, "hey, I was wondering if you were free tonight."

Rei's right hand began to shake.

"I am," she said calmly, flexing her hand several times until the shaking subsided.

"Would you be up for some dinner?"

"Yes."

"Oh, umm… cool," Misato murmured, seeming surprised that her invitation was accepted, though why this would shock her, Rei was not sure.

She had, after all, spent quite a bit of time at the Major's apartment lately.

"Do you want me to come get you?"

"Yes."

"Alright, I'll be there around six."

Rei set the phone back on the cradle, staring at it for a moment and pondering the woman's odd behavior. She wondered, suddenly, if Major Katsuragi was going to try to kiss her again. She had not made any overtures since their first dinner together, but Rei could sometimes feel a certain… hunger coming off of her superior in almost palpable waves.

She felt like she was in a tidal pool, doing her best to tread water while the undertow tugged and worried at her feet. She liked the Major – quite a bit, actually – but she could never hope to match the older woman's intensity, and if she ever decided to claim Rei as her own, the First knew that she would be swept away by the older woman's desires.

_I am seeing things that are not there,_ she told herself, returning to her cleanup, _she has told me that she merely wants closeness. Her intentions are…_

Rei's thoughts trailed off.

Her hand was twitching again.

( 0 0 0 )

"Plans tonight?"

Misato set the phone carefully back in its cradle, avoiding Ritsuko's eyes as she mumbled, "Nothing big, just dinner with Kaji…"

Ritsuko did not look up from her terminal, though her brow furrowed ever so slightly. "Kaji, huh?" she said softly, "I haven't seen him around much, but you sure seem to be spending a lot of time with him… rekindling old flames?"

Laughing nervously, Misato made a mental note to find a better 'date,' as she replied, "Nothing like that. It's all work related… you know him – busy, busy, busy."

"Yeah," Ritsuko muttered under her breath, "busy digging his own grave."

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

The blonde pushed herself back from the terminal, stretching her arms up over her head as she glanced around her office. _What a disaster this place is,_ she thought dismally, _I never knew I was such a slob! Maya… God, I miss that woman. Cleaned when she wasn't doing anything else, made a wicked cup of coffee. Ok, so she had poor taste in men,_ she thought wryly, digging in her pocket for her cigarettes and putting one into her mouth, _or rather, she didn't know how to be discrete. I guess I'm not one to talk, though, considering who I've been sleeping with. Maybe I should have taken a page from her book…_

"Want one?" Ritsuko asked belatedly, offering the crumpled pack of cigarettes to the other woman.

Misato held her hand up, palm out. "No thanks," she said calmly, "you know I only smoke after… you know." She laughed abruptly. "I'll tell you, though… it's been too long since I've had a smoke, if you get me."

"Well you weren't being too subtle," Ritsuko muttered, tossing the cigarettes on the desk and pulling out her lighter, "even Shinji would have gotten that."

Her smile fading, Misato mumbled, "I thought we weren't talking about him anymore."

Ritsuko shook her head, cupping her lighter to her mouth and giving it a firm flick. "No," she corrected, blowing a lungful of smoke into the air, "_you_ aren't talking about him… the rest of us are trying to keep his memory alive…" she lowered her voice, adding, "and maybe…"

"Maybe what?" Misato prompted as the other woman trailed off.

"Hmm?" Ritsuko blinked, "oh, nothing, I was just thinking about something else."

Misato frowned. "You should take a day off," she advised quietly, "you've been… spacey lately."

Waving one hand, Ritsuko muttered, "I just have a lot on my mind, that's all. I could handle things if I got a little more fucking cooperation."

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Misato demanded indignantly. "I do the work of ten people around here – and believe me, with this fucking itchy piece of shit scar bugging me day and night, that isn't easy!"

Ritsuko gritted her teeth. "I wasn't talking about _you_," she bit out, "I'm not trying to jump down your throat – there's… God, why am I trying to explain this to you? You said you wanted to use my phone, and you've used it, now get out of here and let me work!"

Giving a mock bow, Misato snapped a salute. "Yes _ma'am!_" she shouted, "Major Katsuragi is moving out!"

As the purple haired woman started for the door, Ritsuko reached out. "Hey," she said softly, tapping her long-time friend on the arm to get her attention, "I'm sorry, ok? I'm… I've got a project in the works that could… well, it could be good for us, ok? That's why I've been out of it lately, but it's almost over. Just trust me, alright?"

"What kind of project?" Misato asked bluntly. "How can I trust you if you don't trust me first?"

Ritsuko's smile faded. "I'll tell you in one week," she said, putting a hand over her heart and staring into Misato's eyes, "I swear to God, I will have it done in one… week…"

Misato shivered as the blonde's eyes went glassy, her attention drawn to the far wall by something Misato could not see. Following the other woman's gaze, Misato found her staring at a lab coat hanging on the wall. _Memo to me,_ she thought, quickly looking away before Ritsuko noticed that she had seen, _check the good doctor's pockets sometime. And maybe check her psych report, too – I doubt it's much worse than mine, but it would be worth seeing what's on her mind…_

Ignoring the fact that she had been dodging the regularly scheduled psychiatric 'interviews' that NERV required, Misato excused herself.

Ritsuko simply continued to stare.

( 0 0 0 )

Touji stood outside of the school like a stranger in a foreign land. _There's Ayanami,_ he thought, pulling back behind the edge of the building across the street, _God… I should talk to her some time – she knows the shit I have to go through, maybe she'd understand._ He frowned as Rei came to a sudden stop, raising her hand up to eye level and flexing it several times – as if it pained her.

"What's up with that?" he muttered to himself, unconsciously sinking further into the shadows as Asuka emerged from the school a moment later, pausing only to shoot Rei a murderous glare before turning right back around and heading back into the building, clearly unwilling to be in the same airspace as the First Child.

On her way through the door, she bumped into the person Touji was waiting for.

_Not here, though,_ he thought, watching the class rep start off down the street with her books clutched loosely to her chest. _Too many people around…_

For nearly a mile, Touji trailed the girl through the city, wondering suddenly how many days it had been since he had gone to school. I just did not seem to matter to him anymore – not when there were so many more important things to think about. He wondered again how Shinji managed to keep everything straight. Granted, Shinji was not coping with crumbling relationships, the death of a friend, and the day to day rage of a fellow pilot who (Touji was positive) wanted to kill one of the other pilots.

_Bet he'd have dealt with it, though,_ Touji thought dismally, wetting his lips as he braced himself to talk to his ex-girlfriend. _That guy could deal with anything… fuck, I miss him!_

Shaking off this thought, Touji hurried up to where Hikari was waiting for the light to change, opening his mouth to give her some cool, casual greeting, but barely managing to stammer, "H-Hikari…" as she suddenly caught sight of him and turned around.

She looked bad, Touji decided as soon as she was facing him. Her hair was tied in its usual ponytails, but the ends look frizzy and worn, as if she had been twisting it around her fingers or pulling at it while she studied. Her eyes, while not quite haunted, were definitely not as bright as they used to be, and under each there was a faint blue tinge – as if dark circles were just starting to form.

In short, she looked like she was on the verge of breaking down – not all the way past the edge just yet, but definitely toeing the line.

"Suzuhara," the girl said quietly, giving a small nod before averting her eyes. "You look well."

Touji struggled for something to say, finally blurting, "You look awesome."

Hikari's lips compressed, but she said nothing.

Abruptly, she turned away and started walking, forcing Touji to scramble after her. "You, umm… got a minute?" he asked awkwardly, scrubbing a hand through his hair as she continued walking. "Hikari? Come on, please?"

"I don't have anything to say to you," Hikari murmured, looking both ways before crossing the street. "Stop following me."

Swallowing his pride, Touji whispered, "I'm begging, here… come on, talk to me – give me another chance. Let me make it up to you."

Hikari snorted, absently tugging at one of her pigtails as they reached the other side of the street. "Another chance to break my heart?" she said bitterly, "Sounds tempting, Suzuhara, real tempting. Sure – let's get back together so you can cheat on me again."

"I thought you were-"

"That doesn't make it ok!" Hikari exploded, rounding on the pilot before he could react and pounding her small fists against his chest, ignoring her school books as they tumbled to the ground. "You should have come to me! You should have asked _me!_ I love you so much, and you just went and fucked that woman because of something you saw in a note? _In a NOTE!_ It's an excuse, Touji – you know it is! You just wanted to fuck, and since I wouldn't do it, you found someone that would! Why? Why couldn't you believe in me? Why couldn't you _wait_ for me? Wasn't I worth it? _Wasn't I?_"

Touji slumped back against the office building they happened to be passing as Hikari collapsed into his arms, burying her face in his chest and sobbing wretchedly as she kept moaning 'why?' over and over again. _She's right,_ he thought dejectedly, bringing his arms up and wrapping them awkwardly around her shuddering chest. _Yeah… so the sex with Maya was incredible… but in the whole time I was in her apartment, I never even said 'I like you.' Hikari's always been there for me, and I fucked her over._

"…do you want me to leave?"

Slowly, Hikari's shaking subsided. "No," she whispered, her breath coming in rough, shuddering gasps as she shook her head. "No, if you leave… I won't have anything."

"But-"

"Listen," Hikari cut in sharply, "this… everything's falling apart, Touji – everything. With Ikari, and Asuka, and, God, just everything… I don't want to lose any more." Refusing to meet his eyes, she concluded, "So… let's get back together, ok? Just hold me, and tell me things will be alright – even if you're lying, that's fine – I just can't be alone anymore."

Feeling sick, Touji tightened his embrace. "I'll do anything," he swore, "anything you say, Hikari… I just-"

Hikari cut him off one last time, keeping her voice low as she said, "Show me I can trust you, Touji, that's all you need to do." Biting her bottom lip, she slowly raised her eyes. "You can touch me if you want," she said hesitantly, blushing brightly at the boldness of her words, "will that be enough, Touji? I don't want to lose you again, but I'm… I'm not ready to have sex yet."

Touji nodded. "That's cool," he said, wishing he was better at the sappy lines guys rattled off in romance movies. "You are worth waiting for, Hikari."

Fortunately for him, this particularly corny line struck just the right chord in Hikari's still-indecisive heart.

Closing her eyes, Hikari barely whispered, "I won't make you wait forever, Touji… you're the one I want to spend my life with…"

_…and if I have to give myself to you to keep you by my side,_ she added mentally, _that's worth the price. Right?_

Hikari felt drained and weary, slumping almost lifelessly against Touji's chest as cars passed by. Life required sacrifice, she thought helplessly, and love was never easy. Besides which, she had lost so much already – from her confidence, to her two best friends – one lost to her memories of a boy Hikari had hardly known, one lost before she had ever even entered Hikari's life – to her ability to trust… the class rep of II-A just wanted something to hold onto, no matter the cost.

She would give her virginity to Touji as soon as she felt like she could look him in the eye without wanting to break into tears, and then, maybe, he would be the one constant in her life – the final bastion of stability in this horribly tumultuous world.

…maybe.

( 0 0 0 )

((_Ring_)) ((_Ring_)) ((_Ring_)) ((_Ri__-_))

((_Click_))

"What?"

"G- Commander?"

"Who else would it be, Doctor? Do you know what time it is?"

"…I need to see you, Gendou, I-"

"No, Doctor. Goodnight."

"But I-"

((_Click_))

"…really need to see you! Please, I can't take this anymore. Sir, Gendou, I… I've started the project… I'm sorry. Six days. I'll be done in six days – it'll work this time, you'll see! I-"

((_Bzz_)) ((_Bzz_)) ((_Bzz_))

"You'll see…"

( 0 0 0 )

Asuka clacked her teeth together as she waited for the go-ahead to launch. It was a bad habit, she knew – one she was sure her dentist would get on her for the next time she was in – but for the life of her, she could not seem to stop doing it. She knew, on some level anyway, that it was a direct result of all the stress that she was under, but seeing as how she never accepted or acknowledged this stress, the source of her newly developed nervous habit would remain forever a mystery to her conscious mind.

Currently, she was more interested in knowing, "Why the hell am I still sitting here?"

"Cool your jets," Misato's voice replied, sounding not at all sympathetic, "the angel's still in orbit, and no one said _you_ would be going anyway."

"Yeah," Asuka snorted, "like I trust your judgment! Just send me up there and stop fucking around."

Misato's answer was terse. "Sit there and shut up, I'm sick of your-"

Ignoring her, Asuka switched channels, turning her attention to Ritsuko's new assistant. "Listen," Asuka said, "Yuriko, Yumiko, Sachiko, whatever your name is."

"Yukiko," the young woman supplied helpfully, "Yukiko Ay-"

"Yeah, sure," Asuka cut in flatly, "look, Yukiko, I'll make this simple for you… you listening?"

"Y-yes…?"

Asuka took a deep breath. "If you don't put this fucking Evangelion on the roof in the next thirty seconds, I will bring it to the command room, yank you out of that chair you're probably cowering in, and crush you like a fucking grape – and if you think for one moment that I can't or won't do it, consider the fact that I dove Unit 02 into an active volcano just to prove that I was the best, and let an angel cover me in acid so I could say I had a hand in killing it. Tick tock, Yuki-chan… time's wasting."

Yukiko paled, looking helplessly to her superior for direction.

"Fuck it," Ritsuko said coldly, "if she wants it that bad, send her." Raising her voice, Ritsuko called, "Don't fuck up, Asuka… after the battle, I'll be reviewing your performance with Misato. Get me?"

There was a moment of silence.

"I get you," Asuka replied finally, her voice betraying no emotion whatsoever. "It'll be the shortest review ever, because I will NOT fuck up."

Ritsuko screwed a cigarette into her mouth, bringing her lighter up to it before remembering that there was no smoking on the bridge. "We'll see," she muttered darkly, nodding to Yukiko. "Send her."

"Why did you do that?"

"Hmm?"

Misato put a hand on Ritsuko's shoulder, forcing her to turn around as her subordinate began typing the commands to launch Unit 02. "Why did you do that?" she repeated, her voice shaking with rage as she glared at the blonde, "I'm operations director – deciding who sorties is _my_ job. I have a hard enough time getting her to respect my authority as it is!"

"You sound like a parent," Ritsuko pointed out coolly, "get past it. You're being more childish than Asuka right now – what do you care who launches on this one? You just want her grounded because her new haircut pisses you off."

Her face coloring with rage, Misato snarled, "Watch your fucking mouth! I'm in charge here, so stay the fuck out of my way!"

In her seat, Yukiko did her best to control her shaking. _Yeah, mom,_ she thought faintly, _it's a great promotion. What? Stress? No problem! The money's great, and I'll be working side by side with a fantastic crew – people who are so dedicated to saving the world that they've come together like a big family, supporting each other and laughing in the face of danger!_

Mentally, she made a note to find the person in her old division who had told her this, and give them a _large_ piece of her mind.

"Is this thing gonna be strong enough?" Asuka asked skeptically, heaving the positron rifle she had been sent onto Unit 02's shoulder.

"Should be," Misato answered nastily, "but no big deal, right? You're so psyched to fight, I'm sure you'd stand there all week to get a good shot."

Asuka positioned the gun, imagining Misato's face on the other end of the barrel as she muttered, "That's the best you can come up with? I've had grade-schoolers zing me better than that."

"Considering your maturity level, I thought it was fitting."

"Hey, am I just supposed to sit here, or what?" Touji's voice broke in. "If Red's got it covered, I'm gonna take a nap or something."

"Suzuhara?"

"Yes, Souryu," Touji sighed wearily, "what is it?"

"I've got a joke for you. Knock-knock."

There was a long pause. "You're kidding, right?" Touji said slowly. "A knock-knock joke? In the middle of a fight?"

Asuka laughed softly. "Come on," she said lightly, "it's a good one. Knock-knock."

After another, longer pause, Touji said, "You're serious…"

Once more, Asuka chirped, "Knock-knock!"

"Who's the-"

"_SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU FUCKING WHINER!_"

Everyone in the command room, Gendou included, clapped their hands over their ears as a horrible screeching sound rang out over the tac-net, sounding like a combination of fingernails on a chalkboard and broken glass against a windowpane. It lasted only five seconds, but when it was over, several of the bridge technicians were gasping for breath, and at least two looked as if they could easily throw up.

"What… the _fuck_… was that?" Misato demanded.

"I have no idea," Ritsuko answered, digging frantically at her ears as if trying to scrape the memory of the noise out of them, "but it would be _very_ nice if it never happened again."

In her entry plug, Asuka separated the two wires she had pulled from the unit's built-in microphone, smiling happily at the string of curses now coming over the network.

"Funny, huh?"

"Enough bullshit," Misato snapped, "kill the damn angel and get back here so I can kick your ass!"

Asuka pushed the button to bring Unit 02's fire control visor down over her eyes. "Just give me five seconds."

( 0 0 0 )

Touji drummed his fingers on his thigh, glancing absently at his chronometer as he blew out a lungful of LCL and watching bubbles spin lazily in front of his eyes.

"Borrring," he yawned, keying open the direct link to Unit 02 for the fifteenth time. "I thought you said five seconds, Souryu – not five hours."

"Shut up, stooge!" Asuka's voice – no longer sounding terribly amused – snapped back. "It's only been two!"

"Only," Touji snorted, stretching in his seat and twisting his neck sharply from side to side to make it pop. "You take longer than my old man takes to use the bathroom."

Asuka rubbed her eyes. "Hate to break it to you, loser," she said with false sympathy, "but he's not using the bathroom – he's just avoiding your sorry a-"

Touji let the conversation go, closing his eyes and shutting his com system down before leaning back in his seat. _Hikari_ he thought tiredly, _sorry, babe… looks like I won't be coming over tonight…_

He laced his hands behind his head, getting more comfortable as he let his mind wander over the last day and a half. Somehow, and he was not exactly sure how she had arranged it, Hikari had managed to spend nearly twenty-four straight hours with him, staying by his side wherever he went and making out with him like crazy when she was sure no one was looking.

_Making up for lost time, I guess,_ Touji thought, scratching absently at his nose before reclining still further in his seat, _no complaints from me, of course… just kinda strange. She goes from brushing me off on the street to sucking on my tongue and pulling my hand up her shirt in one day. I'll never understand women._

His expectations of their reunion had involved a lot of groveling on his part, and a good week at least before he tried for anything deeper than a little kiss… but of course, he had no way of knowing just how desperate Hikari had gotten. He could not know that she had been so hung up on him that she had begged her sister to sleep in her room because she was afraid of what she might do if she was alone. He had no understanding of the fear that haunted her day and night – the fear that everyone would be taken away from her in the blink of an eye, the way Shinji had suddenly been taken away from the world.

Too wrapped up in his own fears and worries to spare her enough attention, Touji had no way of knowing that, in spite of what she said about needing time, Hikari would have done anything he asked without question, as long as he promised that she would never be alone.

"Can't push her too hard, though," Touji whispered to himself, finally opening his eyes and sitting up in his seat, "I've learned my… lesson…"

He trailed off, frowning as he spied a small, flashing box of text on his heads-up display. Squinting, he leaned closer, reading, 'incoming communication request from Unit 02/system currently set to OFF.'

"Better not be another lame 'joke,'" Touji muttered, reaching out to reactivate his com system. "I'm h-"

"-_ut__ of my MIND!_" Asuka's voice blared over the tac-net, _"Oh God, it's RAPING MY MIND!"_

Touji jerked upright. "What the hell…?"

"Pilot's mental boarders are being crossed," Yukiko's voice shouted frantically, "Contamination imminent. Doctor Akagi – we can't stop it!"

"Secondary positron," Misato ordered sharply, "fire now!"

"Understood."

"No," Touji whispered, shaking his head as a storm of voices crashed into the entry plug, "No, no, no! How… I just had it off for a minute! How did this happen?"

"No good!" Aoba reported grimly, "Rei's shot didn't have enough power to penetrate the angel's AT field!"

"Get out," Asuka sobbed, "get _OUT OF ME!_ Someone… God, make it stop! Please! Shinji… _SHINJI, SAVE ME!"_

Touji grabbed the control yokes. "Send me out!" he cried, adrenaline flooding his bloodstream as he anticipated the jolt of the catapult sending him to the surface. "Let me go – I'll save her!"

He nearly choked on his own tongue as the Commander calmly replied, "No… we cannot risk Unit 01's contamination. Rei… go to Dogma and get the Lance."

"Yes sir."

Asuka whimpered as the angel pushed its way deeper into her mind. _No,_ she thought desperately, _no don't… don't make me remember!_

The world quivered, visions of the past ticking at the corners of her eyes as the angel casually rifled through her memories.

_"Asuka,"_ her mother's voice echoed in her ears, _"don't talk to that strange girl…"_

_"Asuka,"_ her father's voice, this time, _"don't you like the doll your new mommy bought for you?_"

_"Asuka."_

"No," Asuka gasped, her eyes going wide at this newest voice, "no… NO!"

_"Asuka, we're going to be late for sch-"_

"NOO!"

Yukiko gasped out loud, covering her mouth in horror as she reread her terminal screen. "D-doctor Akagi…?" she stammered.

"What is it?" Ritsuko demanded.

"The MAGI are reporting cranial trauma to Unit 02's pilot."

"How is that possible?" Misato demanded, leaning over Yukiko's shoulder for a better look, "Unit 02 isn't even being touched!"

Ritsuko closed her eyes, envisioning the scene in her mind.

She knew exactly how it was possible.

( 0 0 0 )

"AAAAHHHH!"

Again and again, Asuka slammed her head into the side of the entry plug, welcoming each ringing blow – and the resulting clarity it brought – like a long lost family member.

"_AAHHH!_"

"Asuka!" Misato's voice screamed over the network, "What are you doing?"

Asuka did not bother with a reply. Grinning like a maniac, she felt the angel retreating from her mind, hovering at the perimeter of her consciousness like an uncertain puppy, waiting for its master to explain why it was being hit. "That's right," Asuka grunted, settling back into her seat and grasping the yokes with shaking hands, "get the fuck out of my goddamn head!"

Ignoring the blood trickling from her spilt scalp, she willed Unit 02 to its feet. _Now then, fucker,_ she thought brutally, _it's time to learn who NOT to fuck with!_

"Unit 02 is moving," Yukiko reported breathlessly, "the angel's attack is following."

"Motion pattern is erratic," Aoba chimed in, "looks like she hurt herself pretty bad, Major…"

On screen, Unit 02 broke into a lurching, awkward run, bouncing off of buildings like a pinball as it staggered towards its destination.

"Unit 00 is on its way back up," Hyouga said quickly, "two minutes until she surfaces!"

Asuka bared her teeth. "Fuck her," she hissed, her grin widening as she slipped Unit 02 deftly into place, "I've got it taken care of."

"Unit 02 is at the secondary positron rifle firing location," Yukiko reported a moment later, "She's patching it into her own gun!"

Aoba was caught up in the excitement. "She's chained them," he nearly laughed, "She's powering her own rifle – Major, if she fired both at the same time, she-"

"Give me full power," Asuka demanded suddenly. "Hope this doesn't cause a blackout."

In the plug, the redhead pulled her firing computer back over her eyes, re-sighting the angel and watching as the readout for her rifle climbed slowly from 'nominal' into the 'active' range. _Just need enough for one shot,_ she thought giddily, tightening her hold on the controls, _one-two, bang, bang – and the angel will­-_

Abruptly, everything in Unit 02 went dark.

"W-what…?"

Red light filled the plug as the secondary power supply went online.

"Rei," the Commander's voice boomed, "destroy the angel."

Confused, Asuka pounded on her control yoke, shoving the fire control computer to the side. "What's going on!" she demanded, scrubbing at her right eye as a rivulet of blood ran into it. "What – THE FUCK – is going ON?"

"Stand down, pilot," Gendou's level voice ordered, "the First will handle the angel."

"Like hell she will!" Asuka shrieked. "This is my kill – I don't need her help! A concentrated shot from both rifles will blow it out of the fucking sky!" A horrible, sickening thought occurred to her. "You did it," she gasped, shaking her head as the angel tried to reestablish its contact with her. "You cut the power so I couldn't kill the angel…!"

Gendou sounded smug. "Correct," he said bluntly, "we cannot risk having a power outage in the middle of a fight, Miss Souryu… I'm surprised you would think this was a viable option."

Asuka was flabbergasted. "B-bullshit!" she managed, finding that rage was almost as effective as keeping the angel out as pain, "That is bull… SHIT! You just want your little doll to-"

"Unit 00 is in throwing position," Aoba cut in. "Five seconds until release."

"Stand down, pilot," Gendou repeated coolly, "you-"

"Shut up!"

Asuka stabbed the button to shut the communications system down so hard that she nearly broke her finger.

"Damn it," she sobbed, slumping back in her seat and covering her face with both hands. "Damn it, damn it, DAMN IT!"

The angel continued to batter at her mental defenses, but Asuka barely took notice – the rage welling up inside of her was too intense to be denied. _Everyone's against me,_ she thought frantically, _Wonderslut__, Misato, even the fucking COMMANDER himself! No one wants me to win, no one wants me to be happy… they're all trying to kill me – to drive me insane!_

Abruptly, the pain in her head lessened… and Asuka knew that the angel had been destroyed.

"Bitch," she hissed, staring at her blood-soaked hands as she pulled them away from her face. "That little bitch! You should have let me die, First Child… you should have let me die…"

Closing her eyes, Asuka decided that the time had come.

The next time she caught the First alone… Asuka was going to fulfill her promise.

To be Continued…

Author's Notes: would firing two positron rifles at the same time render NERV powerless? Now on the one hand, firing it in episode 5 took all the power in Japan. On the other hand, firing it in episode 22 barely even registered as a big event, hinting that they decreased the power necessary to operate it. Of course… even if a blackout wasn't a risk, I think we all know that Gendou would have found another reason to stop Asuka from killing the angel. Poor Asuka… it does kind of look like everyone's against her, doesn't it? Maybe she'll find an ally in the next chapter, though, who knows?

Pre-read on this chapter was by AudienT Void – who insists that I capitalize the T in his name. No, really!

And in other news, QuickEdit has now decided that a row of dashes with spaces between is not acceptable. From now on, ( 0 0 0 ) will be my new scene break. Thanks, QuickEdit… thanks a lot.

Feedback is always welcome on any site with reviewing capabilities, or by e-mailing me directly at random1377(at-sign)yahoo(dot)com.


	10. Deep Blue Sky

Disclaimer: see part 1.

Aoi

Part 10

Deep Blue Sky

By Random1377

Misato stared at the far wall of her living room, keeping her breathing even as she pondered the meaning of the words 'history repeats itself.' It seemed to be a fitting expression, she thought, shifting minutely to allow her houseguest to get more comfortable, and she wondered – not for the first time – if the knife wound and subsequent infection had addled her brain somehow.

She had never been this insecure before – never! Even in college, with Kaji, she had been the one to lead, and while he had been the one with the experience, it was she that led HIM to her bed, not the other way around. But now she was clingy, and needy, and impossibly reliant on a teenager she had barely known before Shinji's death.

"Can you spend the night?"

What made things the worst was the blurring of the lines between emotional need and physicality.

Rei shifted in Misato's arms, concentrating on making her left hand rise and move into her lap – a process that took far more effort than she wanted it to – before whispering, "If you want me to…"

Misato relaxed a little, realizing just how tightly she had been holding the First Child. "I do," she said levelly. "Let's just… sit here for a minute, though…"

"Alright."

_Maybe something IS wrong with me,_ Misato thought dismally, leaning a bit closer and drawing in a deep, appreciative breath. _Damn, she smells so GOOD to me! Why? Why is it only with her? I've never… liked women before, so why do I keep inviting her over and… and trying to get her in bed with me…?_

The operations director bit her lip, thinking that in all fairness, all she had in mind was to sleep with the blue-haired girl next to her.

_…and what if I can't control myself?_

She had come close to doing things with Rei twice so far – once the first night she had invited her over and once less than a week before, when she had actually brushed her lips against Rei's before quickly pulling back and apologizing.

Of course, the fact that Rei never protested these moments of weakness did not make it any easier for Misato to fight her urges, and she was starting to think that it was more a question of 'when' than 'if' she would break down and seduce Rei – not that it would much of a seduction, of course, as the First never once tried to push her away.

As for herself, Rei was torn. On the one hand, Misato's intensity and increasingly erratic behavior was a bit alarming, making the First wary and uncertain in the older woman's presence. On the other hand, these little encounters were the most physical intimacy Rei had experienced in her life, and her emotions felt like a dry sponge, sucking the contact up greedily and hoping for more, no matter the inappropriateness or awkwardness of it all.

"Where is Pilot Souryu?" Rei wondered, shaking her hand as it began to tingle.

"Hell if I know," Misato sighed, disappointed by this sudden change in topic, "she only sleeps here now – sometimes not even that. Section Two has her under surveillance, so she's not exactly neglected, but where she is and what she's doing, I don't know, or care."

Had she actually spent time reviewing the reports Section Two put on her desk, Misato may have cared quite a bit. After all, repeated visits to a rundown hotel in the oldest district of Tokyo-3, coupled with long hours at the shooting range, working with a pistol of the same make and model as the one missing from the armory, would be enough to raise red flags in even an incompetent guardian's mind.

It is easy, with the advantage of hindsight, to say that Misato acted irresponsibly… but it is doubtful that anyone outside of her unique situation could ever truly appreciate the pressure and stress she was under in coping with the loss of a surrogate son, the increasing psychosis of a troubled teenage boarder, and increasingly confused attraction to a girl half her age.

Though on this last note, anyone that had taken note of Rei's offhanded comment, 'It smells like Ikari in here,' during the cross-synchronization experiment, may have eventually deduced the true reasons behind Misato's unusual fixation.

_So tired,_ Misato thought, resting her head against the back of Rei's neck, _God I'm so tired… of everything. I just want something – anything – to take me away from all of this…_

"Rei…?"

"Hmm?"

"…come with me."

"Alright."

Silently, Misato rose from the couch, taking Rei by the hand and leading her slowly into her bedroom. Carefully, she guided the girl to the bed, arranging her on the edge before walking back to the door and sliding it quietly closed. _Don't do this,_ she thought, leaning against the door for a moment as she gathered her flagging defenses. _Don't let this happen, Katsuragi… you're scared, and lonely, and confused, and way, WAY fucked up – but don't drag Rei into this. Don't make her into your outlet, for god's sa-_

Brutally, she cut her thoughts off, refusing to think any more as she reached out with a shaking hand and slowly locked the door.

( 0 0 0 )

The crack of .22 caliber gunfire was soft and almost understated in the empty range, barely even echoing as the tiny rounds punched through the paper target. The redhead holding the small gun nodded in grim satisfaction as she easily controlled the kick, keeping her shots neatly cropped and close together, emptying the clip and pulling the trigger twice to ensure that every cartridge was spent.

When the time came to use it for real, she was going to make damn sure the job was done right.

"Miss?"

The girl lowered the gun as the proprietor of the pistol range tapped her on the shoulder. "What?" she asked flatly, "I paid for an hour."

"It's been an hour and a half," the proprietor said evenly. "I let you stay past closing time cuz you've been a regular for the past few weeks, but my dinner's getting cold."

Glancing at the wall, the girl frowned. "Your clock stopped," she muttered, engaging the pistol's safety and handing it butt-first to the proprietor. "Sorry."

The man shrugged. "No sweat," he said lightly, taking the gun and ejecting the clip. "See you tomorrow."

Watching the girl march out, the man shook his head. She gave him the creeps. He did not mind staying a few extra minutes – especially not when the redhead paid nearly triple the usual fee to make sure she had an entire range to herself – but she was so fixated that it made the man nervous.

Shaking his head, the man glanced at the target hanging halfway down the range. "She's getting good," he muttered, frowning as he noticed that every one of the girl's shots was directed at the target's head. "Damn good…"

Heaving a sigh, he walked over to the side of the building and grabbed a push broom, murmuring under his breath as he set about the task of sweeping up the small pile of spent casings the girl always left behind.

( 0 0 0 )

Rei stared at her ceiling, doing her best to ignore the tremors in her arm as the doctor examined it closely. "And does this hurt?" he asked, pinching a bit of skin between his thumb and forefinger and giving it a light tug.

"No," Rei replied, shaking her head, then pausing, "yes… wait, it is… coming and going."

"Mm hmm, mm hmm… I see," the doctor said importantly, "and how long have you had these symptoms?"

Rei brought her gaze back down from the ceiling.

"Commander," she said quietly, ignoring the man as she turned her attention to Gendou, "why is this… person here?"

Gendou waved a hand dismissively. "He's a fully qualified physician, Rei… don't ask needless questions."

"Yes sir."

Feeling very, very tired, Rei outlined her history, from the detonation of Unit 00 to the chronic problems she had suffered since then. The doctor – Rei doubted very much that the man truly deserved this title – made careful notes, nodding and 'mm hmm'-ing thoughtfully before concluding… that he needed to consult another physician.

As he excused himself, the room fell silent.

Things had been very strained for everyone since the last angel fight, but Rei was still supremely confident in her commanding officer's abilities… and while the continual deterioration of the muscle control in her arm concerned her, she was comforted by Gendou's complete lack of worry.

He would never willingly hurt his favorite, after all.

"Commander?"

"Hmm?"

"May I ask you something?"

Gendou rubbed his eyes. "What is it, Rei?"

Rei hesitated. "Am I a… desirable woman?"

There was a long, ominous silence.

"No, Rei," Gendou said coolly, "not to me."

Nodding as if this answer was expected, Rei pressed, "To others?"

"Most likely," Gendou answered airily, "I haven't really asked around. Why do you ask?"

Rei gazed down at her arm.

"I had a… confusing encounter several days ago."

Gendou folded his arms, feigning ignorance. "Oh?" he replied, acting as if he had not had security cameras installed into each and every high-ranking NERV officer's home.

Nothing – nothing – went on inside NERV that Gendou Ikari did not know. When his people were on the streets, their lives were their own… but within their homes, and the halls of NERV, they belonged to him.

Especially Rei.

There were, admittedly, only so many hours in the day, so inconsequential things like keeping track of the increasingly useless Second Child, or rounding up and executing the errant Fifth, he left to the Major. _A child molester she may be,_ he mused as he waited for Rei to speak, _but damned if the woman doesn't have a talent for killing angels and running a tight ship._

"Yes," Rei continued, finally gathering the nerve to say, "I… would like to ask you about it, if I could."

If there was a topic Gendou wanted to discuss less than the sex life of his wife's clone, he could not think of it. It nauseated him to think that Rei had become sexually active in the first place, but he had restrained himself from storming into Major Katsuragi's apartment and killing her on the spot, reminding himself forcefully that in the grand scheme of things (and he did have some rather grand schemes) this little tryst meant less than nothing.

It did not, of course, mean that he had to be regaled with details on the event.

He had barely managed to keep his dinner down as he turned away from the security camera's feed, unable to watch the actual event for fear that it might render him insane.

"If it is a personal question, perhaps you would be better suited speaking to someone else about it."

Rei considered this evasive reply for several moments before whispering, "May I ask you a general question, then?"

Gendou pursed his lips.

"If you must."

"In general," Rei said carefully, "after… spending time with someone in an… intimate capa-"

"Get on with it."

Rei wet her lips.

"Is it normal to be… shunned by someone you have nearly been intimate with?"

Gendou's attention was immediately refocused.

"Nearly?" he asked cautiously.

"Yes," Rei said, still speaking in general terms to avoid being too specific, "if you were… very nearly intimate with someone, and they decided that it was not for the best – is it a normal thing for them to avoid you thereafter?"

Nearly chortling at this fortuitous turn of events, Gendou calmly replied, "No it is not… unless the person has decided that they no longer have any interest in you."

The corners of Rei's eyes tightened.

"I see…"

_Perfect,_ Gendou thought gleefully, _she has been untouched, and knowing that she is disliked will KEEP her untouched. I don't know your reasons for keeping your hands to yourself, Major, but I assure you, I-_

It was then that the angel alarm began to sound.

( 0 0 0 )

Asuka sat in Unit 02's entry plug, brooding like a Rhodin sculpture. _Oh sure,_ she thought furiously, _launch Wondergirl to fight the angel – because she's been so fucking fantastic in every other battle we've had. What a goddamn joke._

"Has the target moved?"

"No, it's just sitting there… twisting."

Rolling her eyes, Asuka resisted the temptation to break into the cautious chatter on the tac-net and scream, 'Just kill the fucking thing – don't wait for it to come to you!'

_Idiots,_ she thought, resisting the urge to reach behind her back and triple-check the tiny slit in the fabric of the pilot's seat.

Smuggling a loaded weapon in a plastic bag into NERV itself had been child's play – quite literally. No one really _checked_ the Children for weapons, and bypassing the metal detectors at the security checkpoints in the facility had been as easy as pointing to her neural connectors and saying, 'Do you want these to get messed up so I can't fight?'

Getting it into the plug with her had been a bit tricky, but after careful consideration, she had reached the following conclusions: first, a small cut in the pilot's seat would not be noticed unless pointed out, and thought nothing of if there was nothing in it, and second… the large, backpack-like lifesign monitor that her plug suit boasted made it very easy to hide something against her vertebrae.

Uncomfortable as all hell, but easy.

"Rei," Misato's voice came over the network, "just smoke the damn thing for God's sake!"

_That's more like it,_ Asuka thought, pushing thoughts of her concealed firearm aside, _finally, a decision I agree with._

She wrapped her hand around the control yokes, listening for her order to launch.

"Come on," she muttered under her breath, once again considering 'accidentally' letting the angel kill Wondergirl so she would not have to get her hands dirty. "Come on!"

As Rei announced that she was approaching the angel, Asuka knew that she would never let the girl die by another's hand.

Rei's life belonged to her.

…she _would_ be taking it soon.

"The angel has stopped moving!"

Yukiko's cry brought Asuka out of her pleasant fantasy of wringing the First Child's neck. "Launch me," she said flatly.

"Not yet," Misato replied calmly, "I'm not taking any risks on this one – the fewer EVAs we have on the field, the fewer causalities we risk."

"Oh bullshit!"

"That's enough, Asuka, we-"

"Launch me, you stupid whore! Christ, what do you keep me around for if you won't let me fucking _fight_?"

"God damn it, I am sick of your whiny fucking mouth!" Misato shouted. "You do what you're told and shut the fuck about it, or-"

"It is coming…"

Rei's quiet announcement cut into the angry exchange as effortlessly as an elephant stepping on a cockroach.

"Damn, it's fast," Misato gasped, watching with wide eyes as the angel swiftly uncurled from its helix shape and resolved itself into a long, white snake-like creature. "Don't let it hit first," she called out, "Rei, open fire!"

"Yes."

Curious, Asuka leaned a bit closer to the small screen marked 'feed from main surveillance system,' watching intently as Unit 00 brought its rifle to bear and sent two shots towards the angel.

"Too slow," the redhead muttered, itching to join the fight as Unit 00 threw itself to the side, barely avoiding the angel's sudden charge, "you don't have a chance, Wondergirl…"

As if confirming this assessment, the angel arched backward, making a perfect one-hundred-eighty degree turn and racing in the opposite direction, catching Unit 00 off guard and burying its leading edge in the blue mecha's back.

"We've got intrusion," Yukiko reported tensely, "the angel is… it's trying to burrow into Unit 00. MAGI confirm ninety percent chance that it is trying to capture Unit 00, ma'am."

"Fuck," Misato hissed, "launch Unit 02. Asuka – don't fuck this up!"

"Just get me up there," Asuka growled, "that thing's as good as dead."

As the catapult's restraints were released and Unit 02 was sent rocketing towards the surface, Misato's orders filled the plug. "There is a weapons tower immediately to the right of your exit point," the woman said coolly, "I'm sending a pallet rifle – just grab it and knock out that angel as soon as you get there, do _not_ play around on this one, Asuka… just kill it."

"I'm not stupid," Asuka grumbled, feeling the familiar sensation of pre-combat excitement working through her stomach as she raced towards the surface, "don't worry, Misato – I'll kill it faster than your last boyfriend left your bedroom."

"Fu-"

"Unit 02 has reached the target area."

Asuka smiled wickedly, anticipating the feel of the progressive knife in her hand. The pallet rifle was a waste of time, in her opinion – the only angel it had even scratched was the stupid acid-drooling one, and that was because it was weak and pathetic and they had been using all three EVAs to neutralize its AT field.

_Shinji was with us then,_ Asuka thought, tightening her hold on the controls as the elevator snapped open, _this one's for you, Third Child… I'll-_

"Asuka, what are you doing?"

"Huh?"

"Attack!"

"Shut up, I'm…"

Asuka trailed off.

Unit 02 was not moving.

"What the hell?"

"Major!" Yukiko's voice called as Asuka shook her head and concentrated on making Unit 02 move. "We've got a problem, ma'am… Souryu's sync rate is… it's…"

"Oh God damn it," Misato cried, "Asuka, what the hell is wrong with you? You're under ten fucking percent!"

"Move," the redhead snarled, ignoring Misato questions as a trickle of sweat slid down her face, "move, you stupid piece of shit doll – _MOVE!_"

She yanked at the controls, cursing and hitting the command console with all her might, but no matter how she tried, Unit 02 remained immobile.

All of her rage meant nothing when held up to the cold, impassive butterfly controls.

"Infection is spreading," Yukiko's voice announced, "Unit 00 will be completely taken in… four minutes."

Lashing out, Asuka kicked the controls as hard as she could. "God _DAMN IT!_" she shrieked, clutching her head with both hands, "_FUCKING MOVE!_"

"This is pointless," Misato's contemptuous voice rang in her ears, "she's just a target out there, bring her back in."

"No!" Asuka shouted, fear replacing anger in a heartbeat, "No, I have to save Unit 00! I have to save Sh-"

"He's _GONE!_" Misato roared. "Bring Unit 02 back in now!"

Asuka slumped in her seat, barely breathing, "…no! No, don't take him away from me."

No one heard her.

"Launch Unit 01," Gendou ordered smoothly. "Pilot Suzuhara, retrieve Unit 00 at all cost."

"You got it."

Asuka's teeth clenched, and a moment later, she was moving.

"What the… Unit 02's pilot just ejected!" Yukiko reported, "Should I-"

"Concentrate on the fight," Misato cut in sharply. "We'll retrieve her later."

"Yes ma'am."

( 0 0 0 )

Rei could not recall a time in her life when she had experienced such pain. Every nerve in her body felt as if it was burning as the angel dug its way into Unit 00. She was peripherally aware of the orders and conversations flying back and forth over the tac-net, and she knew Unit 01 was on its way to engage with the angel… but it was all distant, muted – thoughts and sounds belonging to another person.

Someone who was not in agony.

"Huuhhh!"

Her right arm was the only part of her body not vibrating with pain, laying limp and still at her side as she shook in the pilot's seat, trying to fight the angel's invasion… but failing as the world – and the pain – fell away, leaving her standing at the side of a wide pool, seemingly filled with LCL, and currently occupied by a mirror image of herself with its head down so that its bangs obscured its eyes and face.

"You wish to be one…?"

Rei shook her head to clear it of the last lingering clouds of pain. "Do I wish… no, no I do not wish to be one…"

"It is too late," the mirror image told her gently, "we are already merging."

"I do not accept it," Rei said quietly.

"If you do not, there will be pain."

Rei nodded. "I am used to pain," she said, raising her right hand – which seemed to work fine in this place, "more used to it than one such as yourself could understand… angel."

The other Rei smiled… but it was not a pleasant sight.

"It does not matter… we will be one regardless of your wishes…"

Slowly, the angel lifted its head… and Rei drew an involuntary gasp.

"It is inevitable," the angel breathed, "we are already one."

It was not a mirror image.

…the angel bore Misato's face.

"The pain will be gone soon," it said almost maternally. "All of your pain will be ours… all of your desires will be ours… everything that you are. Soon, we shall-"

"You can't have her."

Rei felt strong arms – one around her waist, one around her shoulders – dragging her back away from the surprised-looking angel. The pool of LCL faded from view, and while Rei tried to turn around to see who was holding her, she could not make her body respond.

Not that she needed to look to know who had helped her, of course.

Breath exploded from the First's lungs as she found herself staring down at Unit 00's control yokes. "Shinji," she gasped, whipping around in her seat and fully expecting to find the other pilot smiling warmly as he faded back into the giant mecha's core… but there was nothing behind her but empty space.

Empty space, and a small, unobtrusive red ball, recessed to avoid accidental contact.

Wiping absently at her eyes, Rei's face set into a determined mask.

She reached for the ball.

"Unit 00's self-destruct system just engaged!"

"Rei, no!" Misato ordered. "Eject now!"

"I cannot do that," Rei's voice replied calmly, "if I release my AT field, the angel will escape…"

Ritsuko was dead white. "Call it off," she rasped, "override the command – stop it now!"

Yukiko shook her head. "That system's locked out, ma'am…" she said nervously, worried by the look of panic on her superior's face. "Only a direct override from the Commander-"

The blonde was no longer listening. "Stop it, Gendou," she begged, whirling on the command dais and swiping a droplet of sweat from her upper lip, "please… sir – the L-"

"You were directed not to engage that protocol, Doctor," Gendou cut in smoothly, "besides… it is too late."

All eyes turned to the main screen.

"Her core is collapsing, ma'am," Yukiko reported, her voice soft and helpless, "seven seconds until total-"

"I've got a synchronization spike!" Aoba cried with sudden excitement. "Ninety-eight, ninety-nine – entry plug is ejecting!"

"_PLEASE_!" Ritsuko screamed, clutching her head in her hands and staring at the image of Unit 00 as the entry plug rocketed away from it. "Please, Gendou – for the love of _GOD!_"

The Commander remained impassive, his lips curved in a cruel smile as the countdown finally reached one. "Ashes to ashes," he whispered.

Ritsuko fell to her knees.

"_N-"_

The roar of the explosion seemed to drown the world, sending a column of fire straight up into the air as trees and buildings were incinerated for miles around. Water rushed in from the shattered lakebed four miles to the south, producing huge plumes of steam as much of it was instantly vaporized by the superheated earth it poured over. When it was finally over, a new lake had formed on the spot of Unit 00's detonation, bubbling around the edges as the agitated ground slowly cooled.

"S-status…?"

Misato had to repeat herself, forcing her voice not to shake, before Yukiko replied, "Unit 00 is gone, ma'am… Unit 01 reports minor damage to armor plates."

"And the angel?" Gendou rumbled.

Yukiko tapped on her keyboard, slowly shaking her head as she reported, "Gone, sir – it… the MAGI report that Unit 00's AT field stayed active after the pilot was ejected."

"Impossible," Futyutsuki said quietly, "that should be impossible."

"You idiot…"

Everyone looked at Ritsuko.

"You stupid, stupid idiot," she whispered hoarsely, "you stupid, stupid, stupid moronic man! I was this close – _this_ close! All I needed-"

"Security," Gendou cut in flatly, "remove Doctor Akagi from the bridge."

Misato could only watch in mute horror as her friend was led kicking and screaming from the bridge, leaving the operations director to wonder what, exactly the blonde was ranting about.

It was easier to think about that, she knew, than what the loss of Unit 00 really represented. _He was gone long before now,_ she told herself firmly, forcing herself to believe it and barely hearing Yukiko report that it would be an additional fifteen minutes to retrieve Rei due to the upheaval Unit 00's destruction had caused in the surrounding area. _Goodbye, Shinji… _

Shaking her depressed thoughts off, Misato turned her attention to the aftermath… but she made a mental note to visit Ritsuko as soon as she got the chance. The good doctor was hiding something, and it was high time she found out what.

( 0 0 0 )

Rei stared up at the impossibly blue sky, her arms out to her sides, unconsciously angel-like as a soft breeze ruffled her bangs. Though it had been mere minutes since Unit 00 had exploded, she could already hear birdsong sounding from the nearby tree line, and though her nostrils were filled with the acrid stench of burning metal and plastic, she could still smell the faint, underlying fragrance of chrysanthemums in full bloom.

It was a gorgeous day – a beautiful day – the likes of which every romance author dreamed of capturing. It was a day Rei knew, no matter how long she lived, that she would never forget.

"It should not be so pretty," she whispered, unaware of the tears slowly running down her face, "not today…"

Indeed, considering the pain in her heart, it seemed almost a travesty for there to be such beauty in the world.

After some time (Rei did not know – or care – exactly how much) a shadow fell over her, partially blocking the warm summer sun and sending a faint shiver down her spine. Looking to her right, Rei found the Second Child standing over her. The sun made a fiery halo around the redhead, obscuring her features from Rei's sight and giving her a soft, almost ethereal glow.

In her right hand, Rei could see, a small pistol was clutched, glittering brightly in the merry sunshine.

"He is gone, Souryu," Rei said simply.

"I know," Asuka whispered, her statement punctuated by the sound of the pistol's hammer clicking back, "no one will be here for at least five minutes, and by then…" she let the thought trail off.

"Yes…" Rei whispered, returning her gaze to the sky above, "by then… I will be with him."

Asuka said nothing.

Slowly, she raised her hand, aiming down at the placid First child and slowly bearing down on the trigger. _He saved her…_ the thought flashed through her mind. _Shinji wanted her to live…_

Shaking her head, Asuka forced her resolve to harden, trying to quash this last misgiving.

"Goodbye, Wondergirl…"

Rei closed her eyes, imagining the smile on Shinji's face when she finally saw him again… and answering it with her own.

_I'm coming…_

The gunshot echoed loudly in the small valley, whispering to the trees of pain and loss and love that could never be returned… reverberating through the fields and hollows for what felt like forever as a weak sob pierced the afternoon air.

Rei's eyes opened in shock as she heard the bullet whir past her cheek. Slowly, she craned her head, looking for Asuka and finding her walking away with her head bowed and the still-smoking gun dangling loosely at her side.

Rei got laboriously to her feet, relying on her good arm for balance as she stared uncertainly at the redhead's back.

"Why?"

The gun slipped from Asuka's numb hand and fell to the ground, barely making a thump as it hit the soft earth barrel-down.

"_Why_?"

Asuka ignored the desperate cry, images of the exploding Unit 00 filling her eyes as she walked away, leaving it all behind. How could she ever even look at Unit 02 again? There was no way. Shinji was truly gone now – vaporized in a nanosecond because she couldn't get her Unit to move, and fight. If only she had been part of that fight! She could have beaten the angel, she was sure of it!

Then – oh then – she could have pulled the trigger without remorse… but at this point, she would be damned if she took away his last gift – the life of the First Child. He had saved her… he had ejected the plug and held the angel until the core detonated… he had protected one of his loved-ones even unto the end.

What kind of hell would she condemn herself to by cheapening his sacrifice for the sake of vengeance?

Rei slowly sank to her knees as the Second Child continued to walk away, never once looking back. She tilted her head back to stare up at the deep blue sky… closed her eyes… took a deep breath… and screamed – all of the emotions she had so long repressed tearing free and pouring out in a torrent of agony and loss.

Asuka just kept walking.

To be continued…

Author's notes: the ending sequence of this chapter has been written for over 3 years. Yeah, that's how slow I work – I wrote this first, even before the first chapter, if you can get your mind around that… and it's taken me this long to finally get it out. Hope it was worth the wait. If not, there's more angst coming in the next couple chapters… more angst than I ever would have thought myself capable of producing.

Hang on, kids… you ain't seen nothin' yet.

None of my usual pre-readers were available to tackle this chapter, so I'm posting it unassisted. Here's hoping it didn't suck.

Feedback is always welcome on any site with reviewing capabilities or by e-mailing me directly at random1377(at-sign)yahoo(dot)com.


	11. PiecesEverywhere

Disclaimer: see part 1.

Aoi

Part 11

Pieces/Everywhere

By Random1377

Mana stared out at the small, newly-formed lake, shaking her head at the sheer destructive power it represented. If she met up with Unit 01 or 02 when she came for the Commander, she would be completely outmatched. Certainly, the Trident robots were powerful… but against this? It was no contest.

_Even getting there at all is a pretty big if,_ she thought grimly. _I found Masashi's unit, but it's nearly out of ammo, and the left arm is crippled… plus the fuel cells are nearly dry. It'll be a miracle if I can get it TO NERV, let alone fight anyone._ She cast her eyes heavenward. _Father, if you're watching… put in a good word for me, ok? I'll need all the help I can-_

She cut the thought off, her hand drifting down to her front of her jeans, where the handgun she had stolen from a sporting goods store the other night was tucked unobtrusively into the waistband. Turning, she sought out the source of the sound that had disturbed her thoughts, frowning as she found a boy about her own age sitting on the shattered remains of a statue, humming quietly to himself as he looked out over the lake.

"Who are you?" she whispered, tensing to reach for the gun as she told herself sternly that this area _was_ clear when she checked it ten minutes prior.

The boy turned to her, smiling brightly as he replied, "Kaworu Nagisa. I'm new here."

Mana kept her hand near the butt of the pistol, glancing around subtly to see if this 'Kaworu' was alone. "There are no new people here," she murmured, refocusing her attention on the young man's red eyes, "just ghosts and memories… that's all we have here – so you might want to go back wherever you came from before you become one or the other."

"That is quite a dismal attitude to take," Kaworu said lightly, jumping down from his perch and dusting the back of his pants with one hand. "You're not a ghost… I'm not a ghost… and memories can be pleasant if you focus on the positive."

Rolling her eyes, Mana muttered, "Isn't that a song?"

"That's _accentuate_ the positive," Kaworu said happily, "one of my favorites."

"Super," Mana sighed, already losing interest in the boy, "well, nice meeting you, Kaworu, but I've gotta go."

Kaworu smiled languidly. "But we haven't truly met," he said easily.

"Huh?"

"To have truly met, I'd need your name."

Mana was in no mood for polite banter – especially with a guy that was giving off an 'I'm trying to pick you up' vibe – but if he was nothing else, Kaworu was nice… and in spite of herself, Mana found herself craving a little niceness, especially after having been on the run for over two weeks.

"Kirishima," she said softly, taking the hand Kaworu offered and shaking it firmly, "Mana Kirishima. There – happy? We've met. Nice to meet you."

She was about to let his hand go when Kaworu hummed, "Ahh Kirishima … the Fifth Child."

Mana cursed herself. _He IS after me,_ she thought tiredly, _and he's a foot away from me, holding my hand so I can't get to my gun… slick – fucking slick move, Kaworu of the seashore. Ok, _she thought dismally, forcing herself to meet her killer's eyes, _get it over with, then._

"I won't beg."

"Pardon?"

Straightening her back, Mana held her chin high. "I won't beg," she repeated proudly, "so you might as well just do what you have to do."

Kaworu seemed amused by this declaration. "Do what I need to do, hm?" he said smoothly. "Very well." Reaching into his pocket with his free hand, he pulled out a small piece of paper. "Can you tell me," he said calmly, "how to get to this address?"

"Huh?"

"This address," Kaworu repeated, holding the paper up for Mana to see. "I'm supposed to be in school, you see, but I… I'm afraid I got a little lost, what with this lake in the way. Can you tell me another way to get there?"

Mana's mouth worked, but no words came out. _Sick bastard,_ she thought venomously, _just kill me for God's sake – why the game?_

"No one would be there," she said finally, deciding to play along for a moment – to prolong her life, if nothing else. "Since the last angel, most people have moved away… even the teachers only come half the time."

This information was not gathered first hand, of course, as Mana was a wanted criminal… but she had enough surveillance training to keep tabs on a school without being noticed. She had determined shortly after leaving Hikari's house that the best way to penetrate NERV and get close to the Commander would be to follow one of the pilots.

Rei was out of the question – the security on that girl was so thick that Mana was surprised she could get around – so she had been trailing Touji… and struggling not to sob every time she saw Hikari's sad, downcast face.

_Hikari,_ Mana thought sadly, _all I wanted was to see you happy – but even now that you're back with Touji, you can't hide your sorrow._

"Would you be so kind as to show me anyway?" Kaworu asked after a moment of quiet. "This city is… quite lonely. I'd appreciate it if you could be my guide."

In a flash, Mana knew that her initial assessment of the boy as an assassin was incorrect. "Who are you?" she asked softly.

"Kaw-"

"No, who _are_ you?" Mana cut in. "Why are you here?"

Kaworu bowed as best he could over their clasped hands. "I am the same as you," he said softly, "the third chosen son of Adam… the sixth of us to find our way to this sad town." He smiled warmly. "I'm a Child."

There was a moment of stunned silence.

"Oh," Mana said lamely, "the Sixth, right, got it… sorry, I'm a little slow today. Umm… nice to meet you."

Kaworu laughed. "You said that already," he pointed out, his eyes twinkling merrily at the girl's obvious confusion.

Mana just stared.

After several moments of silence, Kaworu sighed. "I've… read about your past," he said softly. "No – don't be scared, I won't tell anyone I saw you."

Mana, who was just starting to feel that she was getting a handle on things, tensed at this revelation. "Why?" she asked suspiciously. "Why wouldn't you tell Section Two where to find me? I'm wanted, you know."

Kaworu nodded firmly. "I know," he said levelly, "but my obligation to NERV only extends to piloting, not turning in young fugitives. And besides," he leaned closer, getting right next to Mana and whispering, "it seems to me that what you need now more than anything, is a friend."

Swallowing, completely unnerved by the boy's closeness, Mana stammered, "I don't understand why you would want to be my friend – you don't even know me."

"It's not that hard to understand," Kaworu said simply. "I'm alone here, so I need someone to show me around." He lowered his voice, gently whispering, "You're alone, and you hate it. Our circumstances are agreeable."

Mana bowed her head. "I'm not a good person to make friends with," she said hollowly. "You should find someone else."

Kaworu smiled warmly. "I met you first," he said easily. "I'd like it to be you… unless you don't like me for some reason."

Averting her eyes, the young woman whispered, "Your funeral."

"Mm that remains to be seen," Kaworu said enigmatically.

Cautiously optimistic that she might live to see the weekend, Mana led Kaworu towards the school, passing the hotel she was living in without saying a word – just in case – and giving him several sideways glances as they went.

_What the hell,_ she thought with a mental shrug, _I can always use more allies…_

( 0 0 0 )

Quiet as a mouse, Misato stole through the corridors of NERV, tailing the blonde in the lab coat as she moved deeper and deeper into Central Dogma. The Project-E director had not been arrested for her outburst the day before, but she had looked pale and drawn when Misato had seen her leaving the Commander's office, as if the man had threatened to kill the woman's entire family, which, as far as Misato knew, he had.

And now she was up to something.

_Something,_ Misato thought, fading back into the shadows as Ritsuko stopped in the middle of the hall and glanced suspiciously around, _something, but what…?_

Ritsuko shook her head, muttering to herself as she moved deeper into headquarters. Misato had been following the woman for a good twenty minutes, and so far, the blonde had not shown any signs of stopping, moving through places Misato had never even seen before.

_Where the hell ARE we?_

Finally, Ritsuko came to a small, nondescript door, reaching into her coat pocket as she clearly said, "Oh stop skulking in the shadows for God's sake… it's tedious."

Misato scowled. "If you knew I was following you," she said archly, stepping out of the dark with her pistol hanging easily at her side, "why didn't you say something?"

Ritusko pulled a small keycard out of her pocket, rolling her eyes as Misato's gun came halfway up. "Because I wanted you to feel that you were doing well," she said flatly.

"Gee, thanks."

Placing the card up to the reader, Ritsuko whispered, "Put your gun up to my head."

"What?"

"If you don't want to go to jail, you'll do as I say."

Misato pursed her lips, slowly bringing her gun up and pressing it to the back of her friend's skull. "There," she said softly, "the safety's on… but I have to say it's tempting to take it off – everything's so messed up now that sometimes I think it would be better to just start shooting and ask questions later."

Ritsuko frowned. "That's why you're Operations Director," she said dryly, "your sense of restraint – now before we go in here, you should know… you won't like what you're going to see…"

"I'm ready," Misato said firmly. "I want to know the truth, Ritsu… I'm ready."

"No," Ritsuko said sadly, "I don't think you are… but if you _do_ come out of all this without losing your mind, remember that I warned you."

So saying, she swiped the access card, and the door slid open with a quiet hiss.

"What is this place?" Misato wondered, peering into the darkened room as Ritsuko felt around for the light switch. "It's cold…"

"It's Rei's home."

"What?"

Ritsuko gestured around the barren room. "This is where Rei grew up," she said quietly, "after… after NERV created her."

Misato paled. "Created?" she echoed. "What do you-"

"Keep up," Ritsuko interrupted as she started for the door at the other side of the room, "there's more." She looked at her friend almost pityingly. "Sure you're up for it?"

"Lead on," Misato said, clenching her jaw.

As she followed her old college friend, Misato's eyes were drawn to a word scrawled almost illegibly on the wall.

_'Strange,'_ she read with an inexplicable shiver. _Amen to that… a-fucking-men…_

She stepped a little lighter, hurrying after Ritsuko as she found that she would really rather not be alone in the creepy, sterile room. Stepping into the next room, Misato had to squint, trying to pick Ritsuko's form out of the darkness. Instinctively, her thumb moved to cover the safety on her pistol.

"Are you ready, then?"

Misato had to suppress a small scream as Ritsuko's voice whispered in her ear, whipping around to find the woman standing just inside the door. In spite of her fears, though, Ritsuko was not grinning like a madman, or holding a gun to her temple… she was simply staring implacably at Misato and waiting for her to say yes or no.

Bravely, Misato replied, "Yeah… I'm not afraid…"

She should have been.

Ritsuko inclined her head in a small bow, putting her hand on the wall and hesitating for a minute to murmur, "Remember that I warned you," before clicking the lights on.

"Oh… God…"

Misato's vision doubled for a moment in sheer, mind-boggling shock.

_Impossible,_ she thought, her eyes trying to drink in the endless rows of identical faces smiling back at her from behind the wall of Plexiglas. _They're all… every one of them is…_

"They're just clones," Ritsuko said softly, making Misato jump as she laid her hand on a large control panel standing off to one side, "spares for Rei. Even she isn't the original, you know – she's just a vessel fabricated from the remains of the first pilot of Unit 01 to house something very important."

What Rei was housing was not as important to Misato just then as the rest of Ritsuko's mad ramble. "Clones," she echoed with dawning horror, "oh my God… you-"

"Seven years," Ritsuko muttered, completely ignoring Misato as she stared at a lone, eight-foot tall cylinder set off to one of the huge tank. "In seven years, we finally perfected the technique… but it was all a mistake, Misato, I can see that now. We should have just left well enough alone."

Misato swallowed, hearing a dry click in the back of her throat as Ritsuko pulled out a small, handheld computer.

"The only thing left to do is clean up the mistake, right?"

"What have you done?" Misato whispered hoarsely, grabbing the woman's lapels and trying to force an answer from her. "Ritsuko, what have you _done?_"

The blonde's eyes were far away. "We did it before," she babbled, "we did it before, Misato, don't you understand? We have all the equipment – it's just a matter of cultivation and gathering… you understand, right?"

Horror twisted Misato's face as she released Ritsuko's lab coat. "Cultivation…?" she breathed, the pieces flying together in her mind no matter how she tried to stop them. "Gathering…? Oh God, please… please – you didn't…!"

Ritsuko stared up at her old college friend without guile. "I just needed a little more time," she said faintly, "a couple days, I'm sure that's all it would have taken."

Misato took a staggering step backward, her eyes shooting to the lone cylinder. "Th-that…" she stammered, "is… that…?"

Silently, Ritsuko tapped a button on the handheld computer, and the cover on the cylinder slipped quietly into the floor, unveiling its contents for the women to see.

"Heh…" Misato let out a soft, almost unconscious laugh. It was a joke, she told herself, her eroded mental defenses caving under the pressure of what she was looking at. It was all a big, cosmic joke – there was no other explanation… not for the travesty of life floating limply in the tube of LCL, its blue eyes gazing sightlessly at the floor just in front of Misato's feet.

Misato laughed, high and mad, as the last bastion of her sanity – the one centered on her belief in the sanctity of human life – exploded like a watermelon hit with a mortar shell. She laughed, and laughed, and laughed, until tears streamed down her cheeks, passing her insanely gaping mouth to patter onto her boots. The vision of the thing in the tube (she refused to think of it as _him_) filled her eyes, making it impossible to see anything else… so when her mind shut down, dropping her face-first onto the hard floor, she never saw it coming.

Ignoring her friend's inert form for a moment, Ritsuko punched in a sequence on the handheld. The word 'purge' flashed in red on the small screen, and after a moment of silence, the room was filled with unearthly giggles as the tank's cleansing system made short work of Rei's remaining spares, and – after another sequence was keyed in – the lone spare in the standalone cylinder.

When silence returned, Ritsuko surveyed her handiwork. "Ashes to ashes," she whispered dully, reaching into her pocket and pulling out a small pistol, "right, Shinji? I'll bet Heaven's nice. I doubt I'll be joining you, though…"

Placing the gun under her chin, Ritsuko closed her eyes and pulled the trigger.

Her body sagged against the control console, the gun falling to the ground with a harsh clatter as the blonde let out a ragged sigh.

"Misfire," she whispered lifelessly. "How… appropriate…"

Alone with her failures, Ritsuko Akagi could think of nothing else to do but curl up under the desk with her arms wrapped around her knees, and sleep. She was still there when Section Two came to take her into custody.

( 0 0 0 )

Touji sat up with a start, blinking in confusion as he stared around the unfamiliar bedroom. Reality asserted itself after less than a minute, helped along by a hesitant touch on his back. _God, _he thought, scrubbing a hand tiredly over his face, _I feel… dirty._

"Morning…"

"Morning," Touji replied, staring at the far wall as a warm cheek was pressed against his back. "You ok?"

There was a moment of silence before Hikari whispered, "I'm sore… but I'll live."

Touji nodded, barely suppressing a shudder as the exact reason for her soreness loomed in his mind.

_Was there supposed to be that much blood?_

He swallowed hard as he thought of the events leading them to this point. The destruction of Unit 00… Asuka's disappearance… Hikari, waiting for him on the doorstep… the gentle, healing kisses… the slow walk to the bedroom… and then…

"Do you… want some breakfast?"

Hikari's voice sounded listless to Touji – regretful. He did not blame her… not after looking into her pained eyes, and listening to her ragged whimpers as he awkwardly stripped her of the one thing she had managed to hold on to her entire life.

He did not just _feel_ dirty, he realized with a wave of nausea, he _was_ dirty.

"Not really hungry," he said slowly, wishing that he did not sound so cold, "thanks though."

"Mm."

Hikari shifted on the bed, putting her hands tentatively on Touji's back.

"Maybe a shower, then…?"

"No, I'm good…"

She squirmed slightly, shifting again as if trying to find a comfortable position.

"Is something wrong?" Touji asked, frowning slightly as Hikari shifted a third time, then stilled.

"It's nothing," she said with forced lightness.

Touji took a deep breath. "Liar," he said softly, "what is it?"

For a moment, Hikari said nothing. "I'm… I'm bleeding again," she admitted finally, "and it… it really hurts… down there…"

Turning his head, Touji caught sight of the former class rep out of the corner of his eye, deciding – with a flash of guilt – that she looked like shit. "A lot or a little?" he asked, starting to get nervous as she squirmed behind him.

"Some," Hikari said nervously, "I'm sure it's ok."

Touji pulled away from her, noticing that she quickly pulled the covers up over her lap before he could turn all the way around. "Show me," he said firmly.

"Touji, it's-"

"Show me."

Hikari averted her eyes, slowly pulling the covers back.

"God," Touji hissed, paling noticeably as he stared at the bright red stain on the sheets, "we have to get you to a doctor."

"No!" Hikari protested, trying to cover herself again, "I'm sure it's fi-"

"The bed is soaked!" Touji cut in, starting to panic. "Come on – get dressed."

Hikari blushed. "My dad would find out," she whispered. "He'd kill me."

"Well, you can't just sit there and _bleed_!" Touji shouted, making her flinch away from him. "You could bleed to death or… or… what's so funny?"

Hikari was covering her mouth, trying to stifle a giggle. "I don't think I'll die from this," she said gently. "It's just… I'll think of it like a heavy period, or something… it'll be ok, Touji, really."

Touji glanced at the spot on the bed, trying to calm down and noticing that it was not as large as he had first thought. _I did that to her,_ he thought suddenly, _me – no one else. I hurt her._

"I… I gotta get going…"

Panic flashed across Hikari's face. "No," she said quickly, "no, don't!"

"But-"

"You promised!" Hikari cried, her face showing all of the desperation in her heart as she threw her arms around his neck. "You promised you'd stay with me – so stay! I need you, Touji, I need you!"

"Hikari," Touji whispered, "look at the bed! I-"

"It's ok."

"Huh?"

"It's ok," Hikari repeated tearfully, "I knew it would hurt, I knew I might bleed – I paid that price, Touji, I paid it so we could be together, don't you see? I'll do anything you want me to do, I'll be anything you want me to be – as long as you don't leave me!"

Averting his eyes, Touji whispered, "You shouldn't want me this bad… I'm not worth it." Slowly, he wrapped his arms around her, putting one hand on the back of her neck and pulling her head down onto his chest. "I won't leave you – now or ever," he promised softly. "I swear to God, Hikari… for as long as you want me, I'm yours."

Hikari nodded awkwardly against Touji's chest, shuddering too hard to formulate a more coherent reply than, "Th…ank… y-you…"

( 0 0 0 )

Rei made her way from the psychiatric ward with slow, measured steps, barely lifting her eyes from the floor every few moments to ensure that she did not run into anything. She almost wished that her hand would twitch or tingle again – then at least, she would have something to keep her mind from focusing on the far-too-recent memory of the slack, empty stare of the woman she had very nearly made love to… but she had not felt so much as a twinge from the uselessly dangling arm since the destruction of Unit 00.

_Now I am rendered useless,_ she thought as she approached the escalators to the next floor. _Commander… I had thought that you would be concerned that I am no longer able to pilot. I should have known better, should I not? My true purpose has always been hidden by the need to defeat the angels, I do not know why I felt that you would have true concern for my wellbeing, yet I understand now that your only reason for sending Unit 01 to retrieve me was because you feared the loss of that which I carry._

Mounting the escalator, Rei found her thoughts turning to Shinji once more.

_It was him,_ she told herself firmly, _I did not imagine that feeling… I did not imagine that voice… I did not…_

Her thoughts trailed off as she found a boy her own age waiting for her at the top of the escalator. A soft shiver ran through her as she stared into the boy's red eyes, a feeling of forgotten familiarity stirring in her breast as he gave her a lazy smile.

"Pilot Ayanami."

"Identify yourself."

The boy laughed softly. "Straight to the point," he said happily, "I like that." He gave a formal bow. "I am the Sixth Child, Kaworu Nagisa," he said smoothly, "but, under the circumstances… I would be willing to tell you my true name."

Rei regarded the boy for a moment. "I… believe that I already know who you are…"

"Yes," Kaworu said lightly, "being who you are, you should sense what lies within me… yet you do not seem to fear that I might harm you."

"I have already lost much, Pilot Nagisa," Rei said quietly, "those most important to me have been taken, be it by death… or insanity. I have nothing more to give to this project, save what lies within me." She met his eyes straight-on. "What you do is of no concern to me, though I would consider it a personal favor if you did not interfere with my obligations. They are all I live for, now."

Kaworu's smile was easy as he leaned back against the wall. "Eloquently spoken," he whispered. "We're not so different, you and I."

Considering this observation for a moment, Rei replied, "Yes, I can see your point. Why are you speaking to me, Pilot Nagisa…? Clearly you have something you wish to say…"

The Sixth Child's smile faded a bit. "There are many things I would like to say," he mused softly, "many questions… many ideas… many observations that I think would help the people in this place to be happy… but I am no longer sure that they are capable of that emotion anymore. Sometimes, Miss Ayanami, an injury can be so grave that a body can never fully recover from the blow, and I fear that this place, this very city, has suffered such a blow."

"Then you are saying that we lack the capacity for happiness?"

Kaworu shrugged minutely.

"Many would be… offended by that concept."

"Perhaps," Kaworu allowed, "however… since arriving in this place, I have seen nothing but pain. In most places there are hints of hope or light to break up the darkness – but in this city, there is an oppressive sense of… inevitability, as if everyone here is simply waiting for something larger and more powerful than they could ever hope to be to come and put them out of their considerable misery."

Rei met the boy's eyes.

"Are you that something?"

Kaworu regarded the back of his hand. "I am nothing more or less than an observer, for now," he said evasively. "Every man on this Earth has the potential to cause great harm or good – I am no different."

"And yet you are…"

Another shrug was Rei's only reply.

"I am… very tired."

Sighing, Kaworu pushed away from the wall. "I'm keeping you," he said gently. "My apologies."

As the boy turned to go, Rei spoke once more.

"You are wrong."

"Pardon?"

"It is not the capacity for happiness the people of this city lack," Rei clarified, "it is a _reason_ that is absent. They have… surrendered much in this fight, and they are afraid that it is in vain. I would like to ask you directly, Pilot Nagisa… are you friend or foe?"

Kaworu turned around, smiling faintly as he looked into Rei's eyes. "To you," he said smoothly, "I would always consider myself a friend. There are others here I can say that about unequivocally as well, but there are… certain individuals in this organization that I do not care for. I hesitate to say foe, however – it's such an ugly term."

Staring at her useless arm for a moment, Rei whispered, "Your decision… it will be made soon, then…?"

"There are some issues I have to clarify first," Kaworu said delicately, "but yes. I had thought that in Ikari I might find a kindred spirit – his profile seemed so intriguing to me, so familiar… but without his presence, I see no need to prolong things. Will you try to stand in my way if my decision is not in your favor, Pilot Ayanami?"

"As I have said," Rei murmured, "I have already given much… and I no longer have the ability to stand in your way. That duty falls to others, now."

Rubbing at his eyes, Kaworu turned away once more. "It's even gotten to you," he whispered sadly. "Carrying the soul of the Mother… yet so full of pain – tainted by the Lillim until you cannot even lift your chin," he shook his head. "Honestly, Miss Ayanami, I had hoped for more."

As the boy walked away, Rei quietly murmured, "We all did, Pilot Nagisa… we all did…"

( 0 0 0 )

Gendou regarded the woman sitting across from himself critically, trying to decide if she was being serious or not.

"I know NERV operations like the back of my hand," the woman was saying, "I've worked very closely with the former operations director, and I will not hesitate to utilize any resources at my disposal to ensure victory for our side."

"And… why do you think I would hire you based on this argument?"

"Well, I understand that the position has recently opened," the woman said calmly, "and you've seen my credentials… besides, I think we both know you don't have anyone else qualified."

Gendou leaned back in his chair. "I'm not sure _you_ are qualified," he said bluntly, "and your… past leaves me with doubts…"

The woman answered unflinchingly. "The past is the past. In my former position, I was restricted by… several personal issues. Those issues have been resolved now, Commander. I will meet or exceed your expectations of me within-"

She was cut off as the angel alarm began to sound.

"Within the next twenty minutes, I would imagine," Gendou said briskly, rising to his feet as the woman also stood. "I will escort you to the command bridge, and let you deal with this matter… if you falter in any way, or make any decisions I deem reckless or foolhardy, I will step in, and you will leave the premises without a word."

Bowing, the woman gestured for him to precede her. "Thank you for giving me this opportunity," she said formally, "I will not fail you, sir."

"Hmm."

Together, they strode towards the command deck, saying nothing more.

( 0 0 0 )

The command deck was in a panic.

"No, no it's definitely a blue pattern!"

"What? Yes, that's right – 02 is moving on its own! No, there isn't even a plug _in_ it!"

"Suzuhara's in the cages. I can't find Rei."

"Christ, at a time like this! She might not be needed, but in a combat situation she still-"

"Commander on deck!"

Expectant eyes turned to the main entrance to the bridge, immediately widening at the sight of Commander Ikari walking calmly towards the command dais, followed closely by a very familiar face.

"Alright," the woman said calmly, walking directly into the middle of the room and folding her arms over her breasts, "where is the angel now, what steps have been taken to stop it, and where are our pilots?" There was a moment of silence. "Well?" the woman demanded, "Snap to it!"

Though several glanced to the Commander for confirmation, Hyouga blurted, "The angel is in the linear carriage… he has Unit 02 with him, and Pilot Suzuhara is just getting geared up."

The woman nodded. "Tell him to hurry the hell up," she rattled off, "close all blast doors in the linear carriage, and flood the area with bakelite… that should buy Suzuhara some time."

"Bakelite?" Aoba echoed. "But we won't be able to use any of those passages if we do that."

"We won't be able to use them if we all die, either," the woman said coldly, "are you going to follow orders, or do I have to get someone else to do it?"

Aoba shrugged. "Closing blast doors and priming for bakelite injection," he said, hesitating for a moment before whispering, "it's good to have you back."

The woman glanced at him. "Honestly?" she said smoothly, "Or are you just saying that because you think I might be able to save your ass?"

"Little of both, I guess," Aoba grinned, "but more of the 'glad to see you' part. It was too quiet around here without you, ma'am."

"I like the 'ma'am' bit," the woman said dryly, "let's keep that." Turning up to the command dais, she murmured, "How am I doing so far, Commander?"

Gendou's reply was immediate and harsh. "Don't look to me for confirmation, Miss Souryu – I have no use of an operations director that cannot be confident in her own decisions."

Asuka smiled. "I am confident in my decisions," she said boldly, "I was just wondering if you had anything you wanted to add, since it _is_ all of our lives on the line, and all."

"I would not hesitate to let you know," Gendou returned, "and if you are looking for praise, you will have to wait until you have successfully saved us."

Turning back to the monitors, Asuka muttered, "I know you better than to look for that." Raising her voice, she called, "Status update! Where's my damn bakelite injection?"

( 0 0 0 )

Touji felt sweat trickling between his skin and the tight plugsuit, the LCL doing nothing to rinse it away from his lower back as he took Unit 01 on a mad, rapid-fire tour of NERV HQ. With the linear carriage flooded by bakelite (whose brilliant idea that was, he still didn't know) he had to take secondary routes.

Then again, so did the angel.

"Ok," he said, "I'm at the T intersection… where now?"

"Left," Yukiko's voice replied quickly, "then keep going straight… and hurry, Suzuhara – it's getting close."

"Not like I'm taking my time," Touji growled, wheeling Unit 01 around and taking off down the corridor, "just keep these people out of my way, for Christ's sake!"

In the scramble to reach the angel, Touji had been forced to use the main hallways of NERV – spaces large enough to accommodate the EVA… but never designed to, often forcing him to crouch, or even army crawl, as terrified technicians and support personnel scattered before him.

Several times… he was not sure that they had made it.

_Can't think about it now,_ Touji told himself brutally, _just run… get there… kill it. Worry about the rest later…_

"You're getting close," Yukiko said excitedly, "the angel's about to intersect with the corridor you're in – three minutes, tops!"

"Right," Touji replied, willing the huge machine to move faster. "One dead angel, coming up…"

As he ran, he had Unit 01 draw its progressive knife.

_Gotta__ end it quick,_ he told himself grimly, _can't believe it's that new kid…_

Being wrapped up in his own concerns, Touji had never spent any time getting to know Kaworu. In all honesty… he had barely even registered the new pilot's name before dismissing him as a wimp – and possibly a homosexual.

He did, in Touji's eyes, fit the profile pretty well.

_Never would have guessed he was an angel, though…_

"Next intersection…!"

"Got it."

Touji thrust the control yokes forward, increasing his speed and letting the progressive knife trail behind him like a samurai sword. His eyes narrowed as a glint of red peeked out from the intersection ahead of him, and his breath froze in his lungs as he hurled Unit 01 into motion.

"_There!_"

He had a fleeting glimpse of the gray-haired boy's surprised face, but he paid it no mind.

The progressive knife was so big, and vibrated at such high speeds, that as soon as it hit… the kid wouldn't _have_ a face…

Sadly, his timing was ever so slightly off.

Touji grunted as Unit 02 stepped into the blow, taking Unit 01's progressive knife directly in the chest. It let out a shuddering groan as it pitched forward, catching Touji off guard and sending both Units to the floor in a mass of tangled limbs.

"GAH!"

The Fourth Child cried out in pain as the violence of the fall caused his left wrist to crack sharply against the control console. Agony shot up his arm, telling him instantly that the bone had shattered.

"M-motherfucker…" he gasped, kicking Unit 02 off of him and forcing his Unit upright. "That's gonna cost you, fag!"

Weaponless and in pain, Touji lashed out, letting Unit 01's hand shoot out to catch the angel.

Or at least, that was the plan.

Instead of grasping the boy, however, Unit 01's fingers closed around a field of raw energy, stopping many feet from actually touching the Sixth Child. Touij's eyes widened as Yukiko's voice spiked over the com link.

"I've got a massive AT field! It's cutting-"

Abruptly, everything went silent.

Gritting his teeth, Touji bore down with all of his will, demanding that Unit 01's field break through the angel's.

_Come on,_ he thought, _close… close… close… CLOSE!_

"Damn it!" he cried, "Why won't you d-"

"Excuse me," the angel said suddenly, sounding for all the world as if they were talking over lunch rather than locked in mortal combat, "have you seen Miss Ayanami today?"

Touji was so shocked that he sputtered, "Er… n-no…"

"Mm, pity," Kaworu said nonchalantly, "I would have liked to have seen her. We had a conversation several days ago, you see, and I had the opportunity to discuss things with the other friends I've made since arriving, so I wanted to see what she thought of their comments."

Still terribly confused, Touji replied, "Umm… ok…"

Kaworu smiled faintly. "We made a little wager, you see," he explained. "They were very persuasive, those two, and I'm afraid I let them talk me into it. Hmm… perhaps Miss Ayanami was right about your kind. Perhaps there is hope here after all." Abruptly his smile burst into sunny radiance. "Ahh well," he said cheerfully, "your determination proved their point, and hers, and lost me the bet. It's a shame I won't be around to see the results though. Best of luck, Pilot Suzuhara."

Touji opened his mouth to ask what the hell the boy was talking about, but before he could say a word… the AT field surrounding the angel vanished.

"_Oh my god!_"

"Suzuhara!" a familiar voice cried over the com link, "Touji, what happened? Where's the angel?"

Barely keeping his lunch down, Touji gasped, "D-dead… I crushed him…"

"Oh?" came the calmer reply. "Interesting… I didn't think you'd have it in you."

Touji frowned, thankful for something to take his mind off of the still-smiling head resting on the ground at Unit 01's feet.

"Who is this?"

A small square appeared in the middle of one of Unit 01's view screens… and Touji nearly choked.

"N-no fucking way…!"

The figured on screen smiled. "No fucking way… _ma'am_," the redhead corrected evenly. "Excellent work, Suzuhara. Make sure it's dead, then bring Unit 01 back to the cages for… cleaning. Wow, you really made a mess, didn't you?"

Touji could not get his mind around what he was seeing. "Why… how… I mean…"

Asuka's smile widened. "Snap to it soldier," she said briskly, "we have a lot of cleanup."

Before the Fifth could reply, the hologram vanished, leaving him alone with his thoughts. "What the hell," he muttered, absently reaching up to brush sweat off of his face, "how did she – OW! Son of a _bitch!_"

Forgotten in the confusion of the angel's defeat and Asuka's sudden 'I'm your boss' attitude, the pain in Touji's wrist reasserted itself.

"Well," he muttered gritting his teeth as he willed Unit 01's foot to rise, "guess it's no weirder than any of this other shit…"

Slowly, trying to pretend that he was not a murderer, Touji brought the mecha's foot down on Kaworu's head, simultaneously eradicating the last angel… and setting the stage for the final act.

To Be Concluded…

Author's Notes: and so the pieces are in place for the climactic… er, climax, I guess. I know I didn't use Kaworu as much as I could have in this chapter – but hey, neither did Gainax! He served his purpose.

Pre-read on this chapter was by Macbeth2001. Thanks for the assist, my friend.

Feedback is always welcome on any site with reviewing capabilities or by e-mailing me directly at random1377(at-sign)yahoo(dot)com.


	12. Caesar's Lament

Disclaimer: see part 1.

Aoi

Part 12

Caesar's Lament

By Random1377

Asuka had always hated hospital rooms. They reminded her of her mother. This one was no exception, and the fact that the woman lying on the bed was somewhat of a surrogate mother did not help much either. _God, what time is it?_ she thought tiredly. _I've been up for fucking ever._

"How's the food?"

It was a lame joke, but Asuka was starting to get jittery with all the silence.

"This job sucks," she said, leaning forward in her chair and putting her hands together in front of her face. "Shitty hours, shitty work… Hell, I haven't even had two hours of sleep since that dumbass angel got himself mashed by Suzuhara – and that was a day and a half ago! Christ, how much paperwork can one person _do_?"

Misato simply continued staring at the ceiling, lost in whatever dream-world her overtaxed mind had created for her.

"Bitch," Asuka muttered, letting her hands fall onto her knees as she slumped back in her seat. "Leave me to pick up all the pieces while you just lie there. You're going to Hell, you know – goddamn whore!"

Insulting the woman wasn't really all that productive, but it made Asuka feel better to have someone to focus her anger on. She certainly couldn't focus it on Shinji, after all.

He was dead.

_Yeah,_ she told herself, _I guess… I can finally admit that. He's not coming back._

"I've… started something, Misato," Asuka whispered, staring up at the same spot on the ceiling that Misato was staring at, as if she could see what the catatonic woman could see. "'Events are in motion,' is how the Commander would put it, I think… but I've started something I don't think I can stop anymore, even if I wanted to." Scrubbing a hand over her face, she drew a deep, uneven breath. "I'm sure you would have found a better way," she said, rising to her feet and standing at Misato's bedside, "but you left it to me… and this is the only way out I can see – the only way to set things right."

Turning on her heel, Asuka started for the door.

"Well, see ya," she said quietly. "I hope you don't wake up until this is all over – or, you know what? I hope you don't wake up at all, Misato… because there's nothing worth waking up fo-"

The sudden ring of her cell phone cut her off in mid-sentence.

"See what I mean?" she muttered, pulling the phone out of her pocket, "Work, work, work. Yes? Souryu here."

Leaning against the wall, Asuka listened to the voice on the other end of the line.

"My report on Kirishima? What was incomplete about it? No sir, the agent shot her on sight, he didn't ask any questions, and he burned the body after extracting the bullet to make it look like an accident. Standard procedure."

Asuka rubbed her eyes once more.

"Yes sir," she said tiredly, "I know it's unusual to grant a request for leave when we're on alert, but I was told to reward the agent responsible for her termination and…" she listened for a moment. "Yes, sir… as soon as he gets back, I'll schedule an interview. Yes sir, I understand. Goodbye."

Ending the call, Asuka slowly slipped the phone back into her pocket.

"If you want to have any say it the outcome of this nightmare, you better wake up now."

Asuka waited for a sign that Misato had heard her – a cough, a groan, a sudden outburst, anything to show that she was going to step in and take the mantle of leadership.

Nothing came.

"Alright," the redhead whispered, wrapping her hand around the doorknob, "guess it's too late to stop it now, anyway. See you around… hopefully."

Leaving her guardian behind, Asuka stepped out into the hall. She still had a number of things to do before everything went to hell – and by all accounts, Hell is exactly where things were headed.

_I should visit Suzuhara,_ she thought suddenly. _He's getting his wrist checked again, or something, and Hikari said she'd be with him. Nah… too much to do. I'll see them later anyway…_

Quietly, she let the door swing shut.

Behind her, Misato continued to dream.

( 0 0 0 )

It started at exactly three PM.

"Sir?" Makoto called, turning to the command dais for direction. "I've got something strange on my system."

"Strange?" Fuyutsuki repeated. "Explain, Lieutenant."

"I've got it too," Aoba reported. "Looks like… I don't know, a packet storm or something."

"Yeah," Makoto agreed. "Multiple pings coming from all over the place… wait, it kind of – oh my god…! We're-"

"Being hacked into to?" a voice cut in from the command dais.

Makoto fumbled for words, leaving Aoba to reply, "Yes, Commander… the signals are coming from… the other _MAGI_? What the hell…?"

Fuyutsuki leaned down to whisper in Gendou's ear.

"It's starting."

"Mm," the Commander mused. "So it seems."

"Doctor Akagi could stop this, I'll bet," Yukiko said nervously. "She was always good with computers…"

"Good with computers?" Aoba echoed incredulously. "Well, that's one way to put it."

"No way is that nut-job coming on this bridge."

All eyes turned to the door as Asuka strode into the command room and glanced around at the assembled personnel.

"How long do we have?"

Yukiko wet her lips. "Umm, if my calculations are right, an hour, maybe less," she said carefully. "The MAGIs' defenses are pretty tough, but without a better firewall…"

Asuka nodded as the woman trailed off. "Alright, institute protocol 532."

There was a collective gasp. "Isn't that a bit… extreme?" Makoto asked slowly. "I mean, I understand the situation and all, but-"

"Do you?" Asuka cut in. "Do you really? The way I see it, they're hacking the MAGI because they're looking for a quick takeover. They aren't going to get it." Walking to the middle of the bridge, Asuka turned to face the collected technicians and support staff. "May I have your attention," she called, "kind of important."

When the few whispered conversations that had been taking place finally died out, Asuka began to speak.

"We are under attack from the outside – currently by computer… potentially by physical force. Anyone who wants to leave this installation should do it now, as I cannot guarantee your safety past the next five minutes or so. As for myself, I _will_ not surrender, no matter what happens. This is our job – our home – and I will not see it taken over by anyone, not while I have any means to fight back. Staying here means risking your life, I won't deny that, but I know I'm not going anywhere. If you want to leave, I won't blame you… but you better get going now, or you probably won't get another chance."

She waited patiently as many technicians quietly made their way out, leaving far fewer than Asuka would have cared to see.

"Alright," she said gravely, "we have rations… we have water… we have control of this installation. If we lose any of those things, we die. Hyouga," she turned to the man, "as soon as all the people that left are out, seal the bulkheads. Aoyama… execute protocol 532 now – cut the hardlines."

Yukiko, who suddenly wished she had gone with the others, nodded. "Yes ma'am…"

"Captain."

Asuka glanced up at the Commander. "If you have any problems with my decisions, maybe you should leave too," she said coolly. "As Operations Director, I-"

"Calm yourself," Gendou cut in flatly. "Once the bulkheads are sealed, disperse additional bakelite to ensure that we are indeed secure."

Folding her arms over her breasts, Asuka gave the man a smug smile.

"I was getting to that, _sir._"

Gendou stared down at her for a moment. "Once this is all over," he rumbled, rising to his feet, "you and I will have words."

Asuka waved one hand dismissively. "Yeah, sure," she said lightly, "like you said – once this is all over."

"Don't forget."

"Oh, I won't."

"Sir!"

"What?" Asuka rounded on Yukiko, who shrank back in her seat.

"Er, umm… I mean ma'am, I-"

"_Spit it out!_"

"…I've got reports of troop movement, ma'am."

Asuka threw her hands into the air.

"Perfect," she growled, "just perfect. Fuck it, Fuyutsuki, this mess is in your hands."

"Going somewhere, Captain?" Fuyutsuki asked lightly, seeming to already know the answer.

Asuka gave him a fierce smile. "Well, someone's gotta put things in order."

Nodding Fuyutsuki replied, "Indeed. Goodbye, Captain Souryu."

The command deck went silent at these three simple words. Asuka froze, slowly turning to the command dais. Raising her right hand, she gave a smart salute. "Goodbye, sir," she said proudly, looking from the Commander to the Sub-Commander and back again. "It's been… something."

No one dared say another word as Asuka gave the men a formal bow and turned to stride out the door. The silence seemed almost holy… an unspoken dirge for a warrior marching off to her last battle.

( 0 0 0 )

Fifteen minutes later, Asuka slowly ran her hand over the familiar contours of Unit 02's right control yoke, amazed by how strange it felt under her gloved fingers. It seemed like it had been forever since she had been in the pilot's seat, rather than a matter of weeks, and in spite of her cool façade, she could not stop the butterflies storming through her stomach.

It was up to her. It was all up to her.

"Put me in."

A shiver ran down her spine.

_Everything comes down to this,_ she thought, putting a hand over her stomach as the plug was lifted off the ground. _Aoyama said there are troops moving in and we only have a handful of security guards, so if I don't stop them, we'll be overrun in hours._

"No sweat."

Her voice was firm… but her hands were shaking as the plug spun into the back of Unit 02.

"Aoyama," she called, keying her comm. system to life, "once I'm in and synchronized, launch me down route four-fifty-four. I'll handle the ground tr-"

"It's too late, ma'am," Yukiko's voice cut in. "Security reports are coming in all over the installation – the troops are already inside… they're practically _here_ already!"

"Damn, that fast?" Asuka whispered, gripping the yokes tightly as her unit was moved towards the catapults. "Alright, launch me now, and I'll make sure no more come in… you guys just concentrate on staying alive."

"Y-yes ma'am."

_Guess I'll just synch on the surface,_ she thought grimly. _The armor plates should be enough to stop anything short of another EVA from hurting me… and I WILL be able to synch, damn it!_

This last thought, unfortunately, was not as firm as the others.

"Uh!"

Asuka's teeth rattled in her head as Unit 02 was abruptly shot towards the surface.

What if she couldn't synch? The most she could hope for was a few minutes of panic when Unit 02 surfaced… past that, the ground forces would quickly regroup and converge on her, focusing every bit of artillery they had on her. Given enough time, they could probably pry her out – an EVA was not invulnerable, after all, especially without power – though Asuka was fully prepared to eject and take her chances on foot, should it come to that.

Cowardly? Perhaps a bit, but she was not stupid enough to let herself be put up in front of a firing squad or raped by some hairy grunt when she could escape to fight another day.

_Could be worse,_ she thought as she reached the surface, _at least I'm not M-_

"Incoming!"

Asuka barely had time to gasp as something heavy slammed into Unit 02, rocking it off its feet. Since she had not synchronized yet, and the monitors were still off, she had no way of knowing what had hit her.

"Start the synch sequence!" she ordered, gripping the control yokes as a second object pounded Unit 02. "Damn it, what IS that?"

"Starting sequence," Yukiko reported. "And umm… they're missiles."

"Mis-"

Asuka was cut off as the timed warheads exploded, rattling her around in the entry plug even as the sides began to flash with color, signaling the beginning of the startup cycle.

"Son of a _bitch_!"

Grinding her teeth with rage, Asuka willed Unit 02 to its feet.

"More missiles!" Yukiko cried. "I count ten, ma'am!"

With a savage scream, Asuka brought both of Unit 02's hands out in front of her, activating her AT field mere seconds before the barrage of incoming projectiles reached her. The air before Unit 02 filled with light and heat as the warheads ineffectually loosed their fiery wrath.

Asuka's eyes widened.

"I… did it…?"

"Third stage connection reached with thirteen percent synch ratio," Yukiko informed her. "Unit 02 is _online!_"

Over the comm. net, Asuka could hear the cheers of the bridge crew… and though it was very unprofessional, she could not keep herself from letting out a triumphant shout herself.

It died on her lips as she spotted a group of large black shapes cutting through the air, their destination only too obvious.

"The EVA series…?" she whispered, watching in horrified fascination as white figures began detatching themselves from the black wing-shaped carriers and falling towards her position. "_Nine_ of them?"

The elation of restarting Unit 02 vanished as the mass-production Evangelion Units touched down, forming a rough circle around her and furling their wings in preparation for combat.

Taking a deep breath, Asuka rolled her shoulders, focusing on the closest Unit for a moment as she contemplated her odds. Shrugging, she whispered, "Eh, fuck it."

Unit 07, the unit unfortunate enough to be the closest, did not have the battle skills or reaction time to prepare it for Unit 02's sudden, wild charge. As such, it barely had time to lift its eyeless head before Unit 02 leapt, planting its palms in the middle of Unit 07's face and smashing it inward, crushing it to a bloody pulp before vaulting clean over the hapless machine and landing behind it.

Indeed, Unit 07 was all but dead as Unit 02 caught it on its back and hefted it into the sky, tearing the white machine cleanly in half and letting its blood pour all over her EVA's already crimson exterior.

Even if it had been able to hear, Unit 07 was not programmed to understand foreign languages, and wouldn't have known what 'Erste' meant anyway.

( 0 0 0 )

Yukiko huddled under her desk, her eyes never leaving the laptop screen as Unit 02 brought the war to the mass-produced Evangelions.

"This can't be happening," she moaned, glancing up from the monitor, but quickly looking back to avoid having to see the firefight going on all around her. "Please… someone save me… this can't be happening!"

"Aoyama," Aoba called, thrusting his gun over a row of monitors and firing blindly towards the small group of JSSDF soldiers trying to take their position, "you alive?"

Yukiko screamed as a ricochet rocketed off of an overhead beam. "Make it stop!" she shrieked. "God, I want to wake up – I want to _wake up!_"

"Get a hold of yourself," Aoba said disgustedly, crouch-walking over to the woman. "Here," he said flatly, handing the other tech a service pistol, "take it… use it – we need everyone helping now."

Cowering closer to her desk, Yukiko haltingly replied, "I c-can't! I've never… taken firearms training."

"Take it anyway," came the terse instruction, "it's not that hard – you point the end with the round hole at someone, and you pull the trigger. Here, I'll turn the safety off for you."

"B-but I can't… I can't kill people! I'm just a technic-"

"Idiot!" Aoba shouted, thrusting the gun into the young tech's hands as his patience snapped. "You kill or you die!"

Yukiko stared at the gun in mute shock. "This isn't real," she whispered, looking up at the battle raging all around her as the long-haired man sprinted back to his location, "This isn't real, right?" She swallowed hard, her tears – threatening for so long – finally broke free as she realized that no one was coming to save her. With a shaking hand, she tapped a simple line of text on her laptop and clenched her eyes tightly closed.

Hyouga gasped, whipping around as a gunshot sounded behind him – confident that their perimeter had been breached and cursing himself for thinking the bakelite would cover their backs. He was just in time to see Yukiko's lifeless body slump to the ground, the gaping hole in her temple oozing blood and brain matter as the handgun clattered noisily to the floor. Shaking from head to toe, he turned back to his position, pushing the vision of the tech's terror-stricken face from his mind as he reminded himself that – for the time anyway – he was still alive.

Moments later, a stray bullet found its way to Yukiko's station, shattering her laptop screen and leaving her final message, "I'm sorry," forever unread.

( 0 0 0 )

"Are you sure this is the right way?"

Touji ground his teeth together. "Yes," he growled, "I'm sure. The nurse said we make two lefts, a right, then go straight until we reach the emergency elevator once we're on floor nineteen, remember?"

Biting her lip, Hikari tightened her hold on his uninjured hand. "I… thought she said three lefts," she whispered.

"Three lefts would turn us around," Touji snorted. "Geez, Hikari, you're supposed to be smarter than me!"

"Sorry…"

Hikari pressed herself closer to Touji's side, keeping her eyes downcast as they hurried on down the corridor.

"Will you fight?"

Touji scratched his nose as best he could with his hand, glowering at the clunky cast they had given him. "Yeah, I'll fight," he muttered. "I said I'd protect you, right? I'll kill every one of them if I have to."

A weak smile touched the corners of Hikari's lips. "I don't know if that's romantic or psychotic," she said. "I love you, Touji."

Giving her hand a squeeze, Touji said, "I know, Hikari, you've said it like, a hundred times since we left the hospital wing."

"You're not mad are you?"

"No, Hikari," the Fourth said gently, "I'm not mad. Now come on, I think I see the door."

Hikari smiled, following along as Touji led her towards the door leading to the elevator. _I think we can be ok, if we make it out of here,_ she thought hopefully. _We're closer now… that… woman is gone – if we can just hold on, we can make everything alri-_

She cut her own thought short as she spotted a small group of black-clad men watching them from the shadows of the next lower level.

"_Look out!_"

"Wha-"

Touji grunted as Hikari yanked her hand free of his and planted both palms in the middle of his back, shoving him forward as the angry roar of machinegun fire ripped through the air.

"Shit!"

Together, they sprinted through the door, making it in less than three seconds before an anti-personnel rocket slammed into it.

"T-too close," Touji gasped, leaning his shoulder against the wall as Hikari, in turn, leaned against his back. "That was too close. You ok?"

In response, Hikari let out a soft groan… and pitched over sideways, collapsing to the floor and giving a weak cough as a puddle of blood began to form around her.

"No…! No way!"

Hikari's eyes were wide. "It's… not that bad," she gasped, struggling to get to her feet even as Touji gently held her down. "Really, see? I thought getting shot would hurt, but it's… not that bad…"

Nodding, Touji said, "I'll get you help – just hang on, Hikari hang… on…"

He trailed off as he realized that Hikari's eyes were no longer focused on him. They seemed quite clear, he thought, staring into her face as he continued to apply pressure to the wound in her side – clear and bright an innocent… and empty.

"Hikari?" he whispered. "H-hey, Hikari…?"

Slowly, he leaned forward, tilting his head until his ear was next to the girl's mouth, biting his lip in anticipating of feeling her breath brush his cheek – a sure sign that the class rep was still fighting for her life.

There was nothing.

"No…" he sobbed, "no, not her – not _her!_" Throwing his head back, he screamed, "Why her? Haven't you taken enough, you fucking _prick_? Why not me, huh? I was standing right next to her – you should have taken _me_!"

If God was listening the boy's anguished cries, He offered no reply.

Touji slowly eased the pressure on Hikari's wound, staring at his hands in dull shock as her blood tinged them an angry red. _It doesn't matter,_ he thought tiredly. _It doesn't matter who you are, or how important you might be, or how good a life you've led… in the end, Death comes everyone, just the same. Doesn't matter what you're doing, doesn't matter how hard you struggle, when you're number's up, it's up, and it could be any minute of any day of any week of any year…_

Carpe Diem.

What a joke. Hadn't he seized the day with Maya? Hadn't he fought with every molecule in his body screaming for him to stop, in every single angel attack he'd participated in? Hadn't he bled, and cried, and raged against the dying of the light for every second of his life after learning that he had become a designated pilot?

_You're so full of shit,_ he thought bitterly. _You never raged against anything except how unfair you were being treated or how Kimiko was being treated or how Hikari wasn't putting out… and speaking of Hikari, did you ever, even ONCE… tell her that you loved her…?_

He was such a fool.

Cradling her gently to his chest, Touji carefully lifted her head, touching his lips to hers for a moment in a tender, agonizing goodbye. Lowering her to the floor, he hurried over to the elevator, promising himself he would fight with everything he had to make sure her death was not in vain…though sadly, as the elevator door opened, the demolition charges the JSSDF had planted throughout the floor went off, vaporizing the entire room and sending him to join her far sooner than he had planned.

( 0 0 0 )

"Damn it," Asuka coughed, wrapping Unit 02's hand around one of the white Evangelion's throats, "they're so damn persistent! And that damn stooge is nowhere to be seen! He was in the base… he should be smart enough to get to the cages when there's an attack."

She grunted with effort, hurling the white Unit through the air and grinning with satisfaction as it collided with the last remaining enemy.

_Only one to go,_ she thought with grim determination. _Are you watching, Third Child?_ _Am I making you proud?_

Ramming the control yokes forward, she charged the final Unit, screaming with rage as she drove Unit 02's fist through the EVA she had just thrown and dug her fingers deep into the last Unit's core, squeezing with all of her might as the creature squawked with pain.

"That's right, you fucker," she growled, digging in deeper and getting an intense feeling of satisfaction as blood began to spray from the EVA's core, "squirm around… fight it – go ahead! It won't save… hm?"

From the corner of her eye, the redhead caught movement.

_No you don't!_

Tearing her hand free, she whirled around, throwing her AT field up just in time to block one of the white EVA's broad, sword-like weapons. "Nice try," she muttered triumphantly as the weapon came to an abrupt stop, "but it takes more than… what the…?"

Before her eyes, the weapon began to twist and re-form, melting and warping until it had reconfigured itself into a very familiar shape.

"Lancea Longinus…!"

Asuka's eyes widened as her AT field began to buckle, unable to fight whatever power it was that the lance held. With a sharp cry, Asuka dove to the right, desperate to avoid the wicked instrument.

"AHH – DAMN IT!"

Though her reactions were very fast, the Second Child had badly misunderstood the Lance's power, thinking that it would take longer to punch through her AT field. In her defense, she did avoid the worst possible scenario… but this consolation did not keep the blood from erupting from her shoulder, or stop the relayed pain of the Lance punching into Unit 02 and pinning it cruelly to the ground.

"S-son of a… bitch…" the redhead gasped, clutching her shoulder in agony as Unit 02 abruptly went silent around her. "You've… gotta be kidding me…!"

_Why am I bleeding?_ she thought desperately. _What the hell is going… oh God… OH GOD!_

"Oh God," Asuka repeated aloud, watching in horror as the indistinct shapes of the mass produced Evangelions began to stir, laboriously clambering to their feet and casually reclaiming their weapons. With growing horror, she watched the white Units calmly encircle her location, leaving no clear path to retreat.

Not that she could have, of course, with no power and her Unit flat on its back, keeping her entry plug trapped within.

With a deep sigh, Asuka leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes. _I did my best, right?_ she thought, rubbing absently at her throbbing shoulder as the mass production models spread their enormous wings. _Still kinda wish… that Misato had changed that nasty carpet. When all of this is over, I don't want it known that I lived in that dump!_

She chuckled softly, shaking her head as she reopened her eyes and focused on her one remaining task. "You want it?" she whispered, clenching her teeth together so hard that blood began to seep from the corner of her mouth. "You want it? Then come _get it!_"

As one, the white EVAs took to the sky, their hideous jaws cracking wide as they descended on Asuka's position.

The redhead wasted only a second – just enough time to whisper, "I'm coming…" before springing into action.

No one in the besieged control room saw the warning screens start to flash on the terminal monitoring Unit 02's vital statistics, so everyone was caught off guard by the tremendous explosion overhead. The N2 mine SEELE had dropped was nothing compared to the hellish firestorm unleashed by Unit 02's collapsing core, and in a millisecond, the remaining JSSDF forces on the surface were vaporized, dying without ever knowing what had happened as the blast incinerated them in the blink of an eye. What precious little was left of Tokyo-3 was reduced to a blasted and scorched wasteland as the mighty Second Child made her exit, stage center, incapacitating all of the already-damaged white EVAs on her way out.

Kyoko would have been proud.

( 0 0 0 )

Gendou shifted his footing as the entire base was rocked in its foundations, mortar and small bits of rock sifting free from the joints overhead and raining down on the Commander as he strode calmly through Terminal Dogma, his face set in a determined mask as he sought after the First Child.

He was starting to lose his patience.

"Rei," he called coldly, "what are you doing? Come here!"

The First, it seemed, could not hear him, as she simply continued walking, disappearing through Heaven's Door and into the resting place of Lillith.

_At least she's going to the right place,_ Gendou thought, fighting the urge to roll his eyes as he hurried after the blue-haired girl, _maybe one of the explosions deafened her, not that it matters all that much – it's what's inside that counts with her… literally._

He glowered as he followed the First into the great chamber. He had been trailing after her for over twenty minutes, always just out of earshot… never quite able to close the distance between them. Every time he reached a corner, confident that he was about to catch up, he would find the First Child already nearing the end of the next corridor.

It was starting to get on his nerves.

"Personnel Katsuragi, Fuyutsuki, and Akagi have been neutralized," the walkie-talkie in his hand squawked. "Target Purple secured… target Red… destroyed. Moving on to-"

_Doesn't matter,_ Gendou thought firmly, turning the walkie-talkie off as he closed the door behind him. _Now… finally…_

He frowned, glancing around the wide, empty space and trying to catch sight of the First Child. "Where is she?" he muttered.

His frown deepened as he spotted something blue near the edge of the great pool of LCL. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his handgun, approaching the area cautiously.

_Damn it,_ he thought bitterly, kicking the blue wig into the rippling fluid, _Damn it, damn it, damn it! Who the hell-_

Instincts honed from years of hard living kicked in as a shape reared up out of the LCL. Gendou brought his gun up, firing off seven rounds before the sheer mass of the object rising up asserted itself, registering in his mind as 'too big to be human,' a moment before an immense, dripping hand shot out, seizing him in an instant as the rest of the body came into view.

He recognized it immediately.

After all… he had seen to the destruction of its counterpart personally.

"Hello, Commander."

"You," Gendou spat twisting for a moment in the mecha's grip before realizing he was wasting his energy. "I had reports that you were dead."

The cockpit of Trident Unit 01 opened to reveal its pilot.

Mana smiled. "Reports filed by your new operations director?" she asked slyly, taking great satisfaction in seeing the man's expression darken. "That's right, Commander… I sought her out after she lost her pilot status to see if I could convince her to return to active duty to help me gain access to the base, and fabricate a death certificate to allow me more freedom to move around. Quite a risk, I admit, but she agreed readily enough – and do you know why?"

Gendou snorted, still every inch the intimidator as he muttered, "I'm sure you're going to regale me with your insipid reasoning one way or the other… just get on with it."

Abruptly, Trident 01's hand convulsed, snapping Gendou's lower spine like a twig.

"GAhhh!"

"You're right," Mana said softly, ignoring the man's howl of pain as she rose to her feet. "My reasoning doesn't matter… not to a dead man, anyway."

Slowly, she keyed a string of commands into Trident 01's terminal.

Her work done, she sat back down and sighed tiredly. "Man, what a long day," she said, shaking her head as Gendou regained enough composure to glare at her – even if he was gritting his teeth in agony. "Don't suppose you happen to know what happened to Hikari, do you? Suzuhara's girlfriend?"

"Fuck… you…" Gendou gritted out.

"Didn't really think so," Mana said, toying with the ID badge Asuka had given her a moment. "I hope she made it out ok, though," she said softly, tapping the smiling, red-eyed face on the ID card, "she deserved to be happy… hell, even Touji did. Guess it doesn't matter now… I've done all I can," she gestured to the giant on the huge cross. "What do you call that thing?"

Gendou said nothing.

"You know what I call it?" the girl pressed. "Toast – in about forty more seconds."

Though his will to live demanded that he struggle, Gendou managed to keep his body still. "If you're thinking that your pathetic machine's self-destruct could destroy _her_," he sneered, "you're going to die disappointed."

Mana shrugged. "Not really," she said simply. "You were my only target, Commander… blowing anything you had to do with up was just an added… hmm… time's up it seems – ten seconds left." Meeting the man's eyes, she whispered, "Any last words? Better make them quick."

"Just five," Gendou said coldly, "I'll see you in Hell."

"I'm sure you will, Commander," Mana replied, inclining her head in a diffident bow, "I'm sure you w-"

The rest was lost as Trident 01 detonated, blasting huge holes in the floor and ceiling of Terminal Dogma. Lillith's arms and legs blistered and blackened, enormous white bone showing through the skin as the intense heat of the explosion burned the flesh away… but less than five minutes later, they were hidden once more, and after a half hour, only a small crack in the creature's immense, makeshift mask gave any hint that it had ever come to harm.

In the ensuing calm, only the faint splash of lapping LCL could be heard… but even this stilled, after a time, leaving NERV's inner sanctum silent and undisturbed. Behind her mask, Lillith's expression never changed. She could sense the presence of her other half less than fifteen feet from her location, protected by his AT field, though still bound to the flesh of the Lillim that had captured him. He was so close, in fact, that Lillith could practically feel him touching her.

But she did not despair – despair was for lesser beings. She would wait until this chamber was reopened, as it eventually must be, and the rest of the Lillim came to find out what had happened. She would wait, and watch, and calmly while away the hours until the red-eyed one was forced to give back what she held. It would not be long – to her anyway. Eventually, the red-eyed one would pass on, what was Lillith's would return to her, and she would be free to teach her errant children a little lesson in respect before ascending to reclaim her position in the heavens.

A human lifespan was nothing but a breath, to a god.

Behind her mask, Lillith allowed herself a faint, almost infinitesimal smile.

It would not be long now.

Epilogue

Rei held her hood tightly at the neck as she contemplated the selection of fresh apples on the cart in front of her. It had been several weeks since the siege at NERV, and her funds were starting to run short. Getting a job, of course, was out of the question due to her unique appearance and lack of worldly knowledge.

After all, it was hard enough for her to budget the money she had, let alone figure out how to make more. Souryu had given her a small stack of bills and a simple directive. 'Lay low until I find you, don't let anyone see you, _don't trust anyone_.'

Why Rei should not trust anyone at all she did not know… but she was smart enough to see that Asuka, in spite of their former differences, was trying her best to salvage an almost untenable situation.

Besides, the redhead had told her that Misato had given these instructions to her personally before her breakdown.

_Misato,_ Rei mused, deciding that she could go a little longer without eating, _are you alright? I have not heard from you, the Commander, Souryu, or even Kirishima since the attack on headquarters._

She dared not try to return to NERV central. Passing by on a kind of a recon of the area, she had spotted heavily-armed JSSDF troopers posted at every entrance. If the JSSDF was in control, then SEELE was in control… and if SEELE was in control, Rei knew that she would not be able to get anywhere near the people she needed to see.

SEELE wanted her for themselves – the Commander had told her that in as many words.

All she could do was wait and trust in Souryu and the others to come for her.

_It cannot be helped, _she thought, walking away from the apple cart. _I will do the best that I…_

The thought trailed off as something tugged at her shoulder. Her dead arm, it seemed, had gotten caught on something – a frustrating event that Rei had grown rather adept at avoiding during her time on the lamb, though it still happened from time to time.

With a soft sigh, she turned to see what it had caught on this time.

"Hello, Rei."

Panic was not a feeling the former First Child was terribly familiar with, but as she lifted her eyes to follow the hand holding her wrist up, she felt it tickling her stomach. When she realized who had found her, she blinked in confusion.

"Miss… Ibuki?"

The brown-haired woman looked a bit older than the last time Rei had seen her – there was a particularly telling set of crow's-feet forming at the corners of her eyes – but her smile was the same as Rei remembered.

"You shouldn't be out on the street," Maya said evenly. "It isn't safe for NERV people these days, you know?"

Rei glanced around.

If she pulled away, there was an alley nearby.

_I don't recall Miss Ibuki being very fast,_ she thought, gauging the distance between herself and the alleyway, _though I never had much reason to see her run full speed…_

She was tensing herself to break free when Maya whispered, "We should go… that apple cart guy is talking to a police officer."

More panic welled up inside Rei, and before she could say a word, Maya was leading her quickly down the street. They hurried through the shopping district, barely giving Rei an opportunity to see where they were going, until finally, Maya brought them up short in front of a small apartment building.

"This… is… my place," she panted, smiling at Rei as she started towards the front door. "Come on."

Rei planted her feet. _I cannot move my arm,_ she thought, _so breaking free will be a matter of catching her off guard._

Maya glanced over her shoulder. "What's wrong?"

_She will be surprised, _Rei mused, tensing her legs, _that will give me an additional second or two, but I must-_

"Hey," Maya said suddenly, turning around and stepping closer to the girl, "it's ok, I won't hurt you… it's me, Rei – Maya Ibuki… I've known you for years – you can trust me."

As a show of her harmlessness, Maya released Rei's wrist and took a step back.

"I'd… really like to help you," she said carefully, keeping her hands hanging at her sides. "Since the… thing with Touji, I've been spending a lot of time with my mother. She's, well, a little dingy, I guess, and she gets sick a lot, but she's really nice – and we talked a lot about the things that go on at NERV."

"Mm," Rei grunted noncommittally, glancing around once more for an avenue of escape.

"She probably doesn't have a lot of time left," Maya said quietly. "Her medicine costs a lot, and I have to work a lot just to keep up with the payments… so I don't know how much longer I can keep things going – but she always taught me to try the best I can, and if I see someone that needs help… I should help them."

Rei froze as Maya reached out, cradling the girl's face in her palm and gently wiping a smudge of dirt off of her cheek with her thumb.

"And you," she whispered, "look like you need help, Rei."

Slowly, she reached out with her other hand, pulling Rei into a gentle embrace.

"Please come in…"

Closing her eyes and breathing in the woman's light, understated perfume, Rei slowly nodded. Keeping her hand, Maya led the Child up the stairs to her apartment.

"You must be starving," she said kindly, "and you're covered in dirt… God, this must have been so hard for you. Here… you go have a bath, I'll make you something to eat, alright?"

Rei hesitated, then nodded. "Yes, Miss Ibuki… th-thank you…"

Maya waved a hand. "It's the least I can do," she said warmly. "Here… let me take your clothes."

Slowly, Rei peeled her filthy clothes off of her body, working laboriously with her good hand until Maya stepped forward. "I can-"

"Shh," Maya cut in, "Let me help…"

With just this simple gesture of kindness, Rei's composure broke.

"Aww, don't cry," Maya murmured, putting an arm around the girl's hunching shoulders. "Everything's going to be ok now… really. All of this," she held up Rei's dirty shirt, "is over… you're safe with me."

After a moment of nearly silent crying, Rei wiped her eyes. "I will… bathe now," she said softly.

"You don't mind if I toss these, do you?" Maya said lightly, holding up the tattered clothes. "They're a little… ripe."

Rei shook her head. "I do not mind," she said quietly, "but… Ikari's tape player is in the pocket of my uniform skirt. Please take it out before you discard the skirt."

"Of course."

Maya smiled reassuringly as Rei headed into the bathroom and turned on the tap.

Quietly, the technician slipped out of the apartment and headed down to the dumpster in the back of the building… where her smile slowly faded.

"Ikari's, huh?" she whispered, pulling the tired-looking SDAT out of Rei's pocket. "Hm."

She tossed the clothes into the bin, and reached into her own pocket, pulling her cell phone out and calling the number listed as number one on the memory dial.

"Hello, yes?" she said softly, turning the SDAT over and over in her hand. "Yes, my ID number is 3223, Ibuki, Maya… yes, I… I have the First in custody. No… no she doesn't know a thing… hm? Yes, alright, I understand but… she's really hungry, so can you make it twenty minutes instead of- No, no, I don't want that! Yes, I understand… ten minutes."

Maya blinked as tears began to roll down her cheeks.

"No, I understand… she won't know anyone's coming," she whispered, finding it increasingly hard to speak. "And… my mother…?" Her knees nearly buckled with relief. "Ok… thank you."

Closing the cell phone, Maya glanced up at the apartment building.

"I'm sorry," she croaked. "Rei… God, I am so sorry…"

Maya bowed her head, wiping at her streaming eyes as she slowly reached out and dropped the SDAT into the garbage.

The End

Author's notes: there! Almost four years later, there's the end! Originally, it was going to end with Unit 00's detonation and Asuka walking away, but then I thought, 'Hey, there's PLENTY more angst left to be wrung from this story!' And wring, I did. I think, maybe, I may have wrung a bit _too_ much, but I hope, with all of its flaws, the ending was worth the wait. If not, I can only apologize – because this story is _done_.

MacBeth2001 pre-read this tripe and declared it to be lacking. Several drafts later, he said it didn't suck as bad as it did when he first got it, so that's good enough for me! Thanks to him for making it not suck… as bad.


End file.
